Was Donna Lass a Ted Bundy victim?


As we all know, Ted Bundy was a very enigmatic serial killer who radiated a lot of personality and charm. We well know his body count was into the 30s-though he admitted to only 26 or 27.

But, as I’ve said before, there’s plenty of evidence, in my opinion, that he started killing way before then. I said previously that I thought Bundy was a good suspect (or perhaps THE ideal suspect for the Santa Rosa hitchhiker killings)…because the killing spree matches his motives, his weapons, thrown with incredible strength into embankments, no clothing, and raped, or even strangled.

Some of the most intriguing evidence, however, tied me once again, back to the convoluted mess of the Zodiac case. Some, like George Hodel, actually seem like potential suspects, only to fall apart when you examine it closer (though I do believe he committed the murders of Short and the other women, Hodel exaggerated a little bit on the part of his dad being Zodiac: his father was too old to commit those crimes.) Kane seems probable but with brain damage, how much harm could he actually commit?

Allen doesn’t seem likely, and in the end, my eyes are always on Bruce Davis or Kane because both seem the most likely. I always suspected Manson and Zodiac were connected, anyway, the kooky beliefs Zodiac held seemed to tie in with Manson, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Manson had ordered more crimes beforehand.

But the case I want to examine is an odd one that doesn’t really fit in well with all the other Zodiac cases: that is of a nurse named Donna Ann Lass, who was working in Lake Tahoe in 1970.

Notably, her case doesn’t share much in common with Zodiac, except for a Christmas card sent to the detectives by “Zodiac”.

Now, Zodiac targeted only lone couples, not single women.

He did not make his victims disappear, he left them for dead. In that case, he’s more like a mass shooter than an actual serial killer, because most serial killers hide the bodies.

Zodiac’s crimes were just impulsive and randomly chosen.

Lass’s disappearance, however, speaks of the work of an intelligent, charming individual. One, who perhaps, assumed that he could get away with the murder of one of his very first victim (potentially his third, after those poor, sweet girls back in New Jersey a year previously.)

I’m talking about Ted Bundy here as a potential suspect in Donna Ann Lass’s disappearance. Now, before you go springing the “but he wasn’t in California” crap, I’ll tell you that yes, he was familiar with Cali, attended Stanford (I’m 99.9% certain he killed Arlis Perry), and admitted to killing at least one woman in California.

Now Bundy admitted to forgetting names and by this time, maybe he’d forgotten her name. However, there was another Donna among his victims, one by the name of Donna Gail Manson. She was not related to Charles Manson.

Donna was a pretty 25-year old nurse, born on November 3rd, 1944, coincidentally in the same month as her purported killer. At 5’4, she was a pretty blond with blue eyes and a very pretty woman. She would have presumably attracted a lot of male admirers.

One of these was purportedly Lawrence Kane, who worked with her and knew her well. He is also considered a suspect in her murder, though for this case, we will presume he is not involved and look at Ted as a potential suspect instead.

On September 6th, 1970, Lass was working in the Sahara Hotel Casino as an RN in the First Aid Station, for the last day of her life-though she couldn’t have possibly known that. Her final entry was at 1:50 AM.

Morning came and her coworkers noticed that her car was found parked near her apartment in Nevada, and she was not seen leaving the casino, leaving them puzzled.

Her concerned boss received a phone call from an unidentified male, stating that Donna would not be appearing at work, for a “family emergency” had arisen. After investigating, the boss found that no such thing existed. Perhaps the male voice had a slight “British accent” to it, although the idea of the suspect using a phone like this was a bit out of character for him, though perhaps he was bold and cocky early on.

Lass was never seen alive again, and despite police efforts, was never located. To this day, she is listed as a missing person.

Now here is where things get interesting.

You see, Ted Bundy had been stopped in Lake Tahoe, about a week previously, for a “bad license plate” and received a ticket. Normally, Bundy stayed for a week at least in certain areas, prowling about for victims.

It is only natural to assume that Bundy would’ve looked around for any women he could potentially ensnare, and it is around this time that he was still embittered and angry over his first girlfriend leaving him.

Although I am not quite sure of the circumstances, I can easily envision, in my mind, an image of the killer lurking outside the doors of the Sahara, waiting. Here is my take on the mind of serial killer Ted Bundy:

He lurked outside, watching her through the windows. She was beautiful, and she would be his by the time the night was over. He watched her get up, and he hid, making sure he could not be seen. Night time was his preferred time, after all. He checked his watch, watching for her to leave. He saw her get up and go to walk out. Now was the time to act! Getting up, his arm in a sling, he moved toward the door and tried to get in, as she walked out, falling purposefully on the ground. 

“Are you all right?” She exclaimed, concerned. 

“I’m fine, just not used to this damned cast.” He said gruffly, getting back up. “You’re beautiful, Miss…?”

She laughed, before stating her name, and he gave his as simply, “Ted,” before offering to accompany her to her car, since it was “dangerous for women like herself to be out so late.” Laughing, she accepted and Ted accompanied Donna outside, before he immediately grabbed an unknown weapon, but presumably a tree branch or a heavy object, and whacked her over the head with it, knocking her unconscious and he dragged her into his car and drove away, leaving everyone completely bewildered. 

No doubt, she awoke later and begged to know what was happening, but he silenced her with more blows to the head, and later bound her with handcuffs before raping and strangling her. 

No doubt, Ted Bundy placed that call, smugly knowing they wouldn’t buy it. But they’d never find her, he thought smugly as he cut the corpse into pieces and buried her 10-15 feet deep, before placing rocks on over the grave. He’d chosen the woods like usual. They would never find her. He took her head as a trophy, before eventually discarding of it.

One of his first triumphant kills that hadn’t been found, his ego only grew.

A year later, perhaps, he’d strike again, killing a Washington University Student by stabbing her to death, and attacking another woman in Burlington, his birthplace, in July of that year, bludgeoning, strangling and finally raping her.

Two years later, he’d attempt more kidnappings and perhaps, commit the Santa Rosa Hitchhiker Murders, before lying low for a bit and then striking in Oregon in 1973, and then again in 1974, as his name became well-known.

The only inconsistency is in the phone call, as Bundy never did that before. But perhaps he was drunk, as he often was when committing a murder, and just bragged into the receiver, knowing they’d never track him. He’d be out of Lake Tahoe by the time they found anything.

He secretly wondered if they’d compare him to the Zodiac. He was so much better than that one. He’d make sure his kills were never found.

Yes, he would truly make his name known.

If it were not for Carol DaRonch, Ted would have never been caught.

This is a theoretical post. There is very little evidence physically to link her to Bundy, however he fits the circumstances-and only Bundy could make women disappear and never be found again.

All of Zodiac’s victims were found. Lass has not, and neither have other Bundy victims, if she truly is one of his victims. But then again, she was young, vulnerable and pretty-his key targets.

We may never know, but I pray that her remains are found one day and that the sick fuck who took her life that day 48 years ago, Ted or not Ted, is caught and put in jail where he belongs.



Anime review: “The Familiar of Zero”: the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an anime so bad that I almost rage quit on it the whole way through.

Some anime are good anime with their occasional hiccups from time to time, but manage to win you back with their great characters, amazing storytelling…and great plots…Familiar of Zero has neither of the three above.

In fact, I’m amazed this little stinker of a show managed to get as many fans as it did, being so awful and all. It’s below average for a harem-I’ve seen great harem series with good subplots who made up for the harem plot-“Tenchi Muyo”, “Higurashi,” “Ouran”.

Honestly, on the surface, Familiar of Zero sounds amazing: the idea of a boy being trapped in another world sounds amazing, gripping, and the idea of a new world’s mythos being introduced is something I love-I’m an ardent Harry Potter fan and love how Rowling manages to balance out the Muggle and Magical world wonderfully and believably.

Mrs. Rowling never tried to sugarcoat the way her world worked.

I never knew watching this that I’d be watching one of the worst anime abominations I’d ever seen. I watched all 4 seasons, in case you’re thinking I chickened out halfway. No, I’m committed to sit through hell on Earth because it’s part of my job as a reviewer-to be fair and objective, you have to see an entire tv series or anime.

And I did.

The technical aspects of Familiar of Zero are spectacular.

The acting is decent, the music is generic but passable and nice, the openings and endings are really great and a few side characters and the mythos show signs of being thought about before being written off to the side.

Unfortunately, that’s all the good that I can really accredit this piece of shit show with. The rest, it fucked up horribly on.

Season 1 was watchable, Season 2 was more interesting, Season 3 really fucked itself over with unnecessary harem garbage and butchering every character I liked and turning them into unnecessary love interests and season 4 had the most forced, implausible conclusion I’ve ever seen.

The series centers around a young boy named Saito who is summoned by a failure of a magician, Louise Francoise De La Blanc De La Valiere, to be her familiar. He is forced to serve her and become her servant and be treated like shit for all eternity. And he’s 100% fine with this after a while and falls in love with her, because Stockholm Syndrome is now a good thing.

This series has many problematic elements, however the worst is the misogyny. I’ve never seen a show with worse misogyny in anime-the girls are introduced from the boobs up, their boobs are constantly in people’s faces, the girls are nothing more than objects for the guys to spy on and fawn over-and the girls are eventually all reduced to catfighting over a single guy-cheating on each other, being bitches and just being evil to each other.

It’s so disgusting that I shudder to mention it. First of all, the heroine is taunted about her lack of boob size…why is this a thing? Second, numerous girls fight over the same guy, and there’s invariably a scene where he’s obsessed with their breasts.

Also, what’s hilarious is the show’s failure to live up to its own morals. Three times, it says marrying someone older than you is bad (if brainwashed), that war and genocide are bad, and that it’s bad for an older man to abuse the crap out of a young servant.

Yet it hilariously subverts that as time goes on.

All the females become puppets for the male character to ogle over.

Also, there’s a fair bit of misandry here, classifying all men as raging perverts and ignoring said male’s abuse by the female lead is twisted, fucked up and plain disgusting. Also, there are several near rape scenes by the females forcing themselves on the males (and one instance of a female ATTEMPTING to date-rape her boyfriend because he won’t look at her. She never apologizes and is never sorry for doing it. When Louise gets drugged she only reluctantly helps her.)

Also, what else is bad?

This show fucking romanticizes pedophilia. It rolls around in it happily. From a teenage girl having a creepy-ass relationship with her TEACHER to a creepy arranged marriage with an older man-Familiar of Zero delights in sexualizing young girls as sex objects early on. What’s worse is it pretends to be disgusted by it, only to continually do the same shit again and again, by having Louise wear horrible cat outfits…but the worst part is the creepy as fuck Fairy Inn, where a known pedophile, er Siesta’s uncle works in sexualizing young girls and letting them get hit on by perverts because “this is the best thing for them”-gross and morally repulsive is not enough to describe how sickening this fucker is.

Worst of all, this is treated as comedy by the protagonists. It’s so funny to watch young girls be essentially tricked into being prostitutes for bored older men and considering all the recent scandals, the author should’ve known better than to sexualize girls like this.

IT gets worse, Colbert orders Siesta to strip to distract older men and she agrees.

There’s creepy incest when Louise dresses up like her older sister and thinksshe looks more attractive that way. Also, Siesta’s uncle the pedo is horribly homophobic and transphobic with his fake breasts, effeminate way of talking and acting. Great, we need minorities getting shat on, too.

Also, a racist character is instantly forgiven for trying to torture and kill an innocent elf who was just minding her own business. That’s right, racism is okay if someone apologizes for being genocidal. Wait, why were they mad at that guy for torching villages again? Oh yeah, Colbert gets away with being a murderous fucker and fakes his death, completely rendering his apology and redemption arc very, very invalid and disgustingly disingenuous toward the readers.

Don’t ever play this game of “this character is dead oh no they weren’t” with readers. It’s shitty af.

Characters die but no one cares (at least I didn’t, the plot and story is that fucking bad.)

It’s at its best when it’s tackling fantasy instead of resorting to tired old stupid harem comedy.

Next that’s problematic is that this series openly endorses slavery and master slave dynamics. This series shows Saito on a leash, called a fucking dog by Louise and whipped by him all the time-to the point where it’s fucking comedy. That’s right, slavery is now hilarious, thanks to Familiar of Zero.

I felt sick to my stomach every time I watched the series and him getting treated like a slave.

Shouldn’t you be depicting such behavior as wrong?

Apparently, not in Familiar of Zero’s world.

Also, this series is okay with domestic abuse and openly endorses Louise and Saito’s abusive relationship as being true love, despite Louise whipping, beating, starving, neglecting, verbally abusing and yelling at Saito for anything and everything. The rest of the cast sees this as being fucking funny, thank you very much. But I saw it as being morally disturbing and only made me wish even harder that Louise would fucking be roasted on a spit and die.

With so much problematic shit, it’s amazing this show got 4 seasons, it should’ve been cancelled right away. Oh and I nearly forgot about the time the middle-aged cook tried to assault Saito and he backed away in time. Pedophilia is wrong.

Saito deserves better than this hellhole of a life.

Also the characters…Siesta became a bitch as soon as she fell in love with Saito, Henrietta cheated on her best friend with her bf, Tabitha became wildly ooc falling in love with Saito and butchered her character…and Tiffania exists as sex material for her boobs. That’s it. That’s all they exist for.

Even Kirke engages in a creepy-ass pedophilic relationship with her teacher.

Saito is sympathetic but perverted and loses his appeal as the series continues.

But Louise is a disgusting slimeball the likes of which I’ve never seen before. Imagine if Grimer and Muk combined with filthy, stinky garbage and rotten vomit and combine that with a narcissist’s genes and thus you’ve got the worst anime character in the history of mankind, ever. I’ll take table fucker Nina Einstein over this bitch any day.

Louise is horrible, truly a pink spore, she is disgustingly abusive, repulsive, self-centered, laothsome, stuck up, priggish, a bitch, and evrrything else in the dictionary for ugly, loathsome and disgusting. I’ve never hated a character more than this revolting character.

Her bullying and strict parents do not excuse her being an abusive bitch.

I know the author is dead but he could’ve written this story much better, without endorsing such harmful content.

Animation: 10/10.

Music: 10/10

Acting: 7/10

Plot: 3.4/10 (second season), 2.3/10 (1st season), -550 out of 1000 (3rd season), 1.4/10 (4th season…)

Characters: 3/10 for side characters, and for main characters, -4000 out of 10,000 for Louise, and -1000 out of 1000 for Saito.

Relationship developments: One of the worst, most disgusting forced relationships in the history of anime. Kirisuna was better and that’s not saying a lot but at least SAO had enjoyable moments to it in its blandness. I’ll take a bland series over a badly written one any day. The light novels are much better than the shitty ass anime.

Overall: 0 out of 10.

Truly the worst I’ve ever seen.

I endured suffering enough by this anime.


The time that social media stopped being “social” and became “antisocial” media

Let’s face it, the internet has changed us as people.

The Internet has also changed with time, growing from a tiny, insular version of itself in the 90s that could barely function and handled only the bare necessities of news, of people building their own little websites and socializing-but there were also chatrooms, people openly socializing with each other, and people forming bonds and connections.

Nowhere were people openly anti-social, people delighted in the idea of connecting with new people (strangers from another country, why the hell not!) and exchanged phone numbers and chatted on chatrooms. Of course, there came the paranoia about online predators-but the one thing I remember hearing people say is that, though there could be online drama and trolls and such, people didn’t feel ignored. People felt enlivened through the Internet.

Time went by and the Internet became bigger and bigger and people could now communicate through inventions like Skype, Discord and Twitter, along with Facebook. Now we can communicate in seconds with other people. Surely, that would inspire people to be more open and socialize, no?

Unfortunately, the Internet has grown colder and nastier over the years, due to cyberbullies, trolling, cyberstalkers, hackers, and other such unpleasant fellows taking over and using the anonymity of the Internet to do as they please, and whittle away at people’s trust in the person behind the screen.

I can recall over the past couple years how much frostier social media has become, and I don’t blame people at all because of the plethora of nasty people online, because of the fake news, because of the politics. But there used to be a time where I could find a platform that wasn’t filled with all that. Those times have changed.

I returned back to a platform that offers anonymity (Topix) hoping to find my old forum buddies, only to find that the entire website has been overrun with spammers, cyberbullies, trolls and insults back and forth. There were no more pleasant people and now people outside the US cannot take part in the forums. Anon was still enabled, but the lack of enforcement of the rules begs the question of why has it gotten this way?

I joined Tumblr a couple years back and every person I met was kind and willing to go out of their way to help someone, and interesting to talk to. I had so much fun and people were so much fun. I never felt alone at all on the website.

Then things changed. Suddenly, fandom politics became all encompassing and important. Suddenly, cliques were forming and people were kicking others out of communities, accusing them of being “problematic” in various ways for what fiction they liked. Suddenly, mob hunts were being formed to hunt down people who’d committed various crimes. Truth was few and far between. As a result, people became less friendly and stuck to themselves. I found myself encountering people rejecting me at every turn, nice people suddenly turning on me and ghosting me without explanation.

I was suddenly told off for being too open about myself and I remember thinking what happened to when people cared about other people online?

I realized-people do not care anymore about other people online. It is all about themselves, because they are tired of the Internet-the Internet has embittered us, to the point where we lose manners, common decency and just assume every person is out to get us.

On Deviantart, people used to leave a “thank you” when you favorited their artwork and encouraged you to comment. Not anymore, I favorited stuff and got no comment in response. I’ve started seeing the “only mutuals” can commission people for art popping up. The website seems colder and frostier but at least people still chat with each other.

Facebook, too, seems colder, with users constantly arguing with each other.

Twitter is full of bitterness left and right.

Tumblr has undoubtedly become the worst, with people resorting to ghosting, blocking and being passive-aggressive in sneaky, subtle ways (by referring to people who’ve “offended” them in vague terms, or vagueblogging as it’s called), by doing so they can “get rid” of people who’ve been annoying to them.

People don’t care anymore because no one insists they should care. People have a “laissez faire” attitude to negativity online. When complaining about the negativity and hatred fans were showing towards others enjoying their ships or a series they didn’t like, I was told I “shouldn’t let it get to me” and that I cared “too much”. People ignore other people being cyberbullied, or cyberstalked, because they can. They forget there’s another person behind the screen, and they just don’t care.

No one insists they should tell people how they feel before ditching them as a friend anymore because vagueblogging and ghosting are much easier and more popular to do than being a true friend and explaining themselves. No one thanks anyone anymore for anything, they just take and take and take.

Even on Youtube, people will bitch and moan at a youtuber for how his “voice” sounds, rip and tear each other apart over politics, and the positive people are told to shut up or “kys” (short for kill yourself.) It’s become all too easy to not care anymore.

As a person who has particularly high functioning autism, this stresses me out, particularly because I cannot read when someone is giving passive aggressive hints to me-and now I am experiencing cruelty of the nth degree-the worst thing possible: silence.

I crave companionship-I and many others-we’ve expected the Internet to replace humans and companionship. But when people do not reply to me, or ignore me-a part of me feels hollow and empty.

When did we become this way?

When was it okay to just ignore other people and shut them out of things? What happened to the optimistic, kind Internet? People happened. Sooner or later, people started getting tired of their freedoms online and decided it was okay to attack people because they’re just behind a screen.

To all those who say “I shouldn’t care”, say that to the next child who decides to commit suicide from being cyberbullied. Say that to the LGBTQIA teen who is experiencing cyber harassment online. Say that to the woman who’s receiving threats of rape and harassment from men, thanks to her pointing out critiques in a video game. No, we should care.

Caring is part of being human. The Internet is composed of humans. It’s about time we remember that, and about time we realize things like cyberbullying, ghosting, trolling, etc, have no place in our world and strive to be better human beings and talk to one another, explain ourselves. For being afraid of being human is by far the worst sin of all.

Not caring is disgusting-we need to eradicate that attitude of indifference as soon as possible. Yes, you need to start caring about what your words could do to someone else online. Yes, you need to be more inclusive of other people and stop shutting them out the second they do something wrong. Yes, you need to be aware of the vulnerabilities people with disabilities face before accusing them of being terrible people.

You need to shed your apathy for some empathy. Empathy is a very, very important thing.

I’m not saying you should believe every person with a sob story online. But I am saying that no one, and absolutely no one, should feel left out, hurt or ignored online, and that people should try to be there for them, help them feel better, instead of shunning people who act different.

Apathy kills.

It’s time we re-examine that apathetic way we turn our backs on people online and decide to change for the better and start developing some goddamned compassion. You need to care about others, you need to treat them with respect. The saddest part is, often adults are the ones cyberbullying those younger than them, or harassing them.

Let’s end the exclusion, the cyberbullying. Let’s not let anyone feel left out online.

We’re supposed to be “Communities” of people, right?


Happy Halloween everyone

Today is Halloween, everyone!

I’m so glad I gave up roleplaying so much and focused more on my schoolwork.

Some of my thoughts today…I feel that fandoms are too insular and often get too out of hand.

But hey, I got new pets, I’m doing pretty well with my reviews and I’m almost finished with the Half-Blood Prince, and I’ll get to finish Deathly Hallows before I read Fantastic Beasts (I asked for it as a Xmas present.)

So, farewell to October and hello to a November of good reviews, including some things about Dumbledore, and a brief thing about why I love/admire tsundere characters. I hope you will all look forward to my reviews, I’m excited to post more here!

The problem with social cliques

The Internet seems to be more and more unfriendly these days, doesn’t it?

Can you believe I’ve been told off online for asking people about their days and for venting or saying hello? What kind of cold world are we living in?

I say this as an introvert who does my best to fit in and be happy, by socializing and making friends, of course. Because no human can go without friends, that’s impossible.

It’s all nice and well to have cliques, groups of friends that are close together.

There’s just a problem when it comes for loners and outcasts like me, who try to join and make a name for ourselves.

We’re not wanted there.

If someone has a clique of friends, they aren’t looking for new friends. The problem is, this is completely counterproductive to the idea of socialization and making friends in the first place. I thought people were supposed to be friends or at least be social with everyone. After all, extroverts go on and on about being nice to everyone you meet.

But then there’s this paradox of “if you have this many friends, new people are bad and should be ignored until they leave! But we love new people!”

The issue is that people who aren’t part of these cliques and try to join and make friends are being pushed out, excluded and bullied just for trying to join in on the fun and make friends with them, too.

It’s even more egregious when communities devoted to loving fiction push out the people who want to belong and fit in.

But of course, elitism runs rampant. Exclude and bully those who just want to be welcomed and feel accepted. How would you like it if you wanted so badly to be friends with someone and join their group of friends, only to find…oh they don’t need you, they have other people who are better than you, they love you so much…they’ll cast you aside at the next second.

We need to stop doing this, it’s bullying and excluding people is never fun for anyone. This is why people are bothered by cliques. Because people are bullied out of being interested in joining what looks to be fun because there’s no ROOM for anyone new or different, because people are convinced new people=bad and potentially evil, so let’s drive them away, because all people can easily make friends and not struggle with it socially so they must have their own clique right?

Then there are those like me who struggle with socialization and making friends. For me, making and keeping a friend is remarkable, given my various mental disorders. If they’re not driven away by my awkward social faux pas thanks to autism, they’re driven away by my bipolar depression or my talkativeness.

For me, joining roleplay sounded like a whole lot of fun. But I came to realize, for a loner like me to try to join a group that’s already established, it’s like you’re some strange, foreign microorganism. You have to be scanned, detected and made fully aware of how alone you are before you are accepted. Or you won’t be. You’ll be tossed aside. Online, it’s much easier to do this, though just as cruel.

You guys don’t realize it, but there are people out there who watch you and your cliques interact and are wishing they could join you, I was once one of those people, who lurked and watched from afar. Some people are nervous, others have trouble fitting in, still people want friends and want to be accepted.

The problem with this attitude of old friends only is it shunts away the idea of there being any “new” friends or new people in your life-the whole point of life is to meet as many people as possible-or at least, that’s what i thought it was. This is why the rp community is so divided and hateful.

Because we’re treating new people like a disease, we act as though they’re terrible people before we even know a thing about them. Remember when back in the early days of the web, people were delighted to meet new people? People were happy. Well, no longer. Now new people are invaders who are not welcome. Now, if you have social anxiety or autism or anything else wrong and make the slightest mistake, prepare to be socially humiliated and be torn to pieces.

I remember being so thrilled to come on to Tumblr and practice socializing to make new friends and to my delight, I was succeeding. I was suddenly more confident, I could greet people in public, wish them a good day, ask them how they were, compliment them, hold long conversations with them-because online people showed me how to become comfortable with that sort of thing.

But at the same time, it appears that my autism made me seem like an alien to these people. The slightest mistake turned into a weapon used to call me names, hateful insults, etc. Suddenly, online, saying hello to someone is offensive. Asking someone how they are in real life is fucking offensive. Pouring your problems out to your online friends is now considered rude...that’s what friends are for, friends talk to each other about their issues and support one another, right?

Yet when I tried doing that, the same thing I saw nts doing, I got nothing but condescension and hate from people who were supposed to care but didn’t. All they cared about was the writing, not for the person behind the character. I was a mere automaton to them, a mere machine. Not a human with feelings.

I put up with these people because as autistic people are, you don’t generally get many friends, so I stick with the ones I have, even if they berate me, because I might not get another friend again.

See, when you’re autistic, you’re naive. You tend to assume the best of people until it’s too late. I realized this months ago when a “friend” betrayed me for their own friends who didn’t like me and in the end, acquiesced to what they wanted, ignoring our own bond we had formed after over a year of being friends, drawing, and r/ping together. Maybe it was because I was a bit older than they were, so I mustn’t be too harsh on them for being a bit wary, it’s reasonable for teens to be wary of adults, especially online ones.

And it must certainly be strange for a college person to be roleplaying with high schoolers, although this happens all the time in fandoms, older and younger people meet and interact frequently at D & D, cosplay conventions, etc, so I thought nothing of it.

But the odds of an autistic person being a predator are very, very unlikely. More often than not, it’s the autistic person who suffers or is victimized. Many times, I’ve been bullied, singled out, etc, so I’m used to this sort of thing. But it really hurt to be told by people you grow to trust that you’re “annoying”, that you’re needy and insignificant.

So it makes me wonder, do I waste my time socializing and get hurt? Or do I just stay alone? Neither seems like a viable option. Not at all.

So I’m just saying, remember that not everyone is able to bounce back so easily. Not everyone has an easy time of it. But us autistic people especially face tough paths. We’re judged all the time and mocked for our interests and mocked for being who we are. It’s rough.

But I endure.

Just…just think of the little guys, think of the people who aren’t socialites being crushed under your feet when you guys close yourselves off to new people. You could be missing out on the best friend you never had.

Or maybe we’re better off without people like you.

I’ve come to infinitely prefer blogging over roleplaying. Too many fake people and not enough good things about it to stay.

that feel when you can’t make vids

Nothing is more torturous than seeing new Linkin Park songs come out and realizing I can’t make any more amvs to them since my movie player is dead. I wanted to do a final farewell to Chester with the song One More Light by doing it with a lot of anime but I guess not. Someone else will have to make one.

At least not until Christmas can I even make a tribute to it for now I have to imagine doing it. It stinks. At least I can still write.