The problem with social cliques

The Internet seems to be more and more unfriendly these days, doesn’t it?

Can you believe I’ve been told off online for asking people about their days and for venting or saying hello? What kind of cold world are we living in?

I say this as an introvert who does my best to fit in and be happy, by socializing and making friends, of course. Because no human can go without friends, that’s impossible.

It’s all nice and well to have cliques, groups of friends that are close together.

There’s just a problem when it comes for loners and outcasts like me, who try to join and make a name for ourselves.

We’re not wanted there.

If someone has a clique of friends, they aren’t looking for new friends. The problem is, this is completely counterproductive to the idea of socialization and making friends in the first place. I thought people were supposed to be friends or at least be social with everyone. After all, extroverts go on and on about being nice to everyone you meet.

But then there’s this paradox of “if you have this many friends, new people are bad and should be ignored until they leave! But we love new people!”

The issue is that people who aren’t part of these cliques and try to join and make friends are being pushed out, excluded and bullied just for trying to join in on the fun and make friends with them, too.

It’s even more egregious when communities devoted to loving fiction push out the people who want to belong and fit in.

But of course, elitism runs rampant. Exclude and bully those who just want to be welcomed and feel accepted. How would you like it if you wanted so badly to be friends with someone and join their group of friends, only to find…oh they don’t need you, they have other people who are better than you, they love you so much…they’ll cast you aside at the next second.

We need to stop doing this, it’s bullying and excluding people is never fun for anyone. This is why people are bothered by cliques. Because people are bullied out of being interested in joining what looks to be fun because there’s no ROOM for anyone new or different, because people are convinced new people=bad and potentially evil, so let’s drive them away, because all people can easily make friends and not struggle with it socially so they must have their own clique right?

Then there are those like me who struggle with socialization and making friends. For me, making and keeping a friend is remarkable, given my various mental disorders. If they’re not driven away by my awkward social faux pas thanks to autism, they’re driven away by my bipolar depression or my talkativeness.

For me, joining roleplay sounded like a whole lot of fun. But I came to realize, for a loner like me to try to join a group that’s already established, it’s like you’re some strange, foreign microorganism. You have to be scanned, detected and made fully aware of how alone you are before you are accepted. Or you won’t be. You’ll be tossed aside. Online, it’s much easier to do this, though just as cruel.

You guys don’t realize it, but there are people out there who watch you and your cliques interact and are wishing they could join you, I was once one of those people, who lurked and watched from afar. Some people are nervous, others have trouble fitting in, still people want friends and want to be accepted.

The problem with this attitude of old friends only is it shunts away the idea of there being any “new” friends or new people in your life-the whole point of life is to meet as many people as possible-or at least, that’s what i thought it was. This is why the rp community is so divided and hateful.

Because we’re treating new people like a disease, we act as though they’re terrible people before we even know a thing about them. Remember when back in the early days of the web, people were delighted to meet new people? People were happy. Well, no longer. Now new people are invaders who are not welcome. Now, if you have social anxiety or autism or anything else wrong and make the slightest mistake, prepare to be socially humiliated and be torn to pieces.

I remember being so thrilled to come on to Tumblr and practice socializing to make new friends and to my delight, I was succeeding. I was suddenly more confident, I could greet people in public, wish them a good day, ask them how they were, compliment them, hold long conversations with them-because online people showed me how to become comfortable with that sort of thing.

But at the same time, it appears that my autism made me seem like an alien to these people. The slightest mistake turned into a weapon used to call me names, hateful insults, etc. Suddenly, online, saying hello to someone is offensive. Asking someone how they are in real life is fucking offensive. Pouring your problems out to your online friends is now considered rude...that’s what friends are for, friends talk to each other about their issues and support one another, right?

Yet when I tried doing that, the same thing I saw nts doing, I got nothing but condescension and hate from people who were supposed to care but didn’t. All they cared about was the writing, not for the person behind the character. I was a mere automaton to them, a mere machine. Not a human with feelings.

I put up with these people because as autistic people are, you don’t generally get many friends, so I stick with the ones I have, even if they berate me, because I might not get another friend again.

See, when you’re autistic, you’re naive. You tend to assume the best of people until it’s too late. I realized this months ago when a “friend” betrayed me for their own friends who didn’t like me and in the end, acquiesced to what they wanted, ignoring our own bond we had formed after over a year of being friends, drawing, and r/ping together. Maybe it was because I was a bit older than they were, so I mustn’t be too harsh on them for being a bit wary, it’s reasonable for teens to be wary of adults, especially online ones.

And it must certainly be strange for a college person to be roleplaying with high schoolers, although this happens all the time in fandoms, older and younger people meet and interact frequently at D & D, cosplay conventions, etc, so I thought nothing of it.

But the odds of an autistic person being a predator are very, very unlikely. More often than not, it’s the autistic person who suffers or is victimized. Many times, I’ve been bullied, singled out, etc, so I’m used to this sort of thing. But it really hurt to be told by people you grow to trust that you’re “annoying”, that you’re needy and insignificant.

So it makes me wonder, do I waste my time socializing and get hurt? Or do I just stay alone? Neither seems like a viable option. Not at all.

So I’m just saying, remember that not everyone is able to bounce back so easily. Not everyone has an easy time of it. But us autistic people especially face tough paths. We’re judged all the time and mocked for our interests and mocked for being who we are. It’s rough.

But I endure.

Just…just think of the little guys, think of the people who aren’t socialites being crushed under your feet when you guys close yourselves off to new people. You could be missing out on the best friend you never had.

Or maybe we’re better off without people like you.

I’ve come to infinitely prefer blogging over roleplaying. Too many fake people and not enough good things about it to stay.


that feel when you can’t make vids

Nothing is more torturous than seeing new Linkin Park songs come out and realizing I can’t make any more amvs to them since my movie player is dead. I wanted to do a final farewell to Chester with the song One More Light by doing it with a lot of anime but I guess not. Someone else will have to make one.

At least not until Christmas can I even make a tribute to it for now I have to imagine doing it. It stinks. At least I can still write.


Being for the benefit of Mr. Dumbledore-a look at one of fiction’s most misunderstood characters (part 1/3)

Today, we’re defending a character who is hated by many for strange reasons from the world over. The one, the only Albus Dumbledore! Is this a controversial subject?

Yes. Is it important? Yes. Is it something I think will also be very valuable to people to listen to? Yes.

Or you might still hate me for defending one of the most misunderstood characters in fiction.

Seeing as I’ve been re-reading Harry Potter, I wanted to cover this now. Seeing as it’s rare for me to cover anything other than anime, it’s even rarer for me to cover a character that I dislike. Much less defend them.

Harry Potter, somehow, has always managed to interest me. Whether it’s because it’s well-written, interesting, I don’t know. It manages to both frustrate me and intrigue me at the same time.

As I’ve become an adult, Harry Potter has once again consumed my life. Now that I look at it from an adult perspective, now there are new things I’m interested in covering. One of these is the defense of hated characters, such as Molly Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny, The Potters, and other characters often maligned by fanfiction cliches.

I decided, what if I were to take a look at a character who I strongly disagree with, but felt it was necessary to do as so many people constantly belittle and get so wrong all the time that it’s hard to resist not wanting to kill something?

I will be defending: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Now, call him what you like, call him Du/mbles, call him a manipulative asshole, the fact remains that Rowling has created one of the most interesting and controversial characters in fiction.

Many people are constantly divided on re-reading Harry Potter, mainly because of him, how he treats Harry, his sister’s past, and even when his brother and Rita herself slander his name, there are still people asking the following questions:

“Why did he leave Harry with the Dursleys? Is he an abuse enabler?”

“Why doesn’t Dumbledore let Harry stay anywhere other than the Dursleys?”

“Why doesn’t he tell me anything?”

“Why does he raise him like a pig for slaughter?”

“Why does he let kids do his dirty work?”

Such are the questions that many HP fans have been asking themselves since book numbers 5-7 revealed the more flawed side of Dumbledore.

Well, anyway, I’m here to provide an explanation that will hopefully be free of bias, (well, still some bias, as I’m not the biggest Dumbledore fan.) but nonetheless, I want to at least show something from this man’s perspective to defend his actions throughout the books.

He’s not the bad guy everyone says he is, but he is not the good guy. He’s not the perfect messiah who can solve everything. Dumbledore is 100% flawed, and that’s by far one of the best things about him.

He is human, and this is what Rowling has tried to tell us, that every character in the story is flawed and human. With the exception of Voldemort, every other character is humanized and we’re expected to accept that.

But when it comes to Dumbledore and Voldemort, I know that we all accept that H/arry Potter is a very complex series and that it didn’t initially start out that way, but let me just start with explaining Dumbledore.

You all know his general backstory if you’ve read the books. Now, let me just explain why Dumbledore did what he did to Harry, why he allowed things to play out as they did, and what he was ultimately trying to achieve. 

Now I’m not gonna play by bs headcanons like Dumbledore betrayed the Potters/he has mysterious instruments that watch and control Harry, Dumbledore allowed abuse to happen. He’s not the mustache-twirling villain who has a twinkle in his eye and goes, “Harry, m’boy,” when things don’t go his way.

I’m gonna start with pre-Hogwarts, then get to when he meets Harry.

First, as we all know, he is the head of Hogwarts. He’s the Headmaster, which he has been for a very, very long time.

He’s very old, and very wise. He’s grandfatherly, a bit eccentric, easy to get to know, but he’s also highly manipulative. Mostly for good reasons, but he’s quite aware of his manipulativeness. The most important thing about Dumbledore is his heart. It’s the one thing that divides him from being like Voldie.

At first, we start out liking him because Harry likes him, but then, as our protagonist ages, we start noticing that he has some discrepancies. Harry discovers authority figures aren’t always right, nor do they know what to do at times. That’s sort of how school is, and as someone who’s going back to college tomorrow, I’ve met my share of stupid and competent teachers.

We can debate for hours about how good or bad he is.

So, as we all know, he was born and he had his sister, brother and his mother and father. His sister gets attacked by Muggles and is sheltered by his mother afterward while his father is in prison, for attacking said boys. His brother is resentful of him and has a falling-out with him.

Suffering a strained relationship, he turns to the dark arts and falls for Grindelwald, they do some evil shit and then, it’s not quite specified how this happens, but his sister accidentally gets in the way of their fight and was killed.

His brother estranges himself from him.

Think about what Dumbledore already has on his plate.

The dude is in his twenties/thirties, and he already has had his family close to him die.

The knowledge that he helped a friend/lover who betrayed him and helped him destroy a bunch of innocent people for power, the knowledge that he has destroyed the trust his brother had in him, the knowledge that he is responsible for his sister’s death…

So as Dumbledore ages, he becomes Headmaster and he’s a guy who’s already lost a lot in his life. Yes, Rowling intends for there to be similarities between Dumbledore, Voldemort and Harry, and yes, I will be talking about all three of them, because their story is interlaced within the narrative itself. 

So this dude’s already been through a lot of shit.

So, it makes sense that he wants to make sure his students are safe.

So why does he let the kids at Hogwarts do as they please? First of all, Dumbledore is very childish, something we see in the odd way he governs the school. He never quite loses his child-like innocence and Harry also is very child-like. So is Voldemort, though all three differ in their similarities.

We could also explain the eccentric way he governs Hogwarts as a result of his childhood. He never got proper parenting, after all, his mother hid from the public and he was engaged in that Dark Arts shit. He practically had to raise himself and from this, comes the belief that hey, the magical kids can handle whatever comes their way. They’re smarter than people think they are. It’s then that with this thing in mind, before Dumbledore becomes Headmaster, he discovers a boy named Tom.

Tom is all too similar to Dumbledore, he’s alone, mistreated by everyone, but Dumbledore didn’t know he was a total psychopath, all he saw was a lonely child who was in a place that didn’t like him, he wanted to know who he was, and he wanted to be accepted.

Dumbledore told him what he was, unknowing of him being evil. So he takes him in. He’d raise him with kindness, I’m sure he might’ve been surprised when he was sorted into Slytherin, but it’s hinted that he might not have trusted him as early as when he was sorted into Hogwarts.

When evil shit happened, there was Tom.

But the problem is, Dumbledore has one big flaw and that is his naivete. His ability to believe in the better of people, (similar to our hero!) trust in people so much that he can be blind to their flaws, is by far one of the things that gets our hero Dumbledore in so much trouble throughout the series.

Tom manages to backstab his kindness, and Dumbledore discovers that it was Myrtle who died by Tom’s hand, and that Tom used a basilisk to frame Hagrid.

He figured it out, but the headmaster then didn’t accept it. He didn’t really want to believe that Tom could kill someone. So he tries to rationalize it as an accident.

So he tucks it away in his mind and tries to forget about it.

But as Tom grows older, he gets worse and worse.

Years go by, he meets the Marauders, and he obviously knows what adventures they’ve been having, at night with their cloak. Who knows how he found out, he probably read their minds.

I’m pretty sure he knew about them being Animagi. I’m sure he touched noses with a lot of Animagi in his time, so whatever they were doing was of his knowledge. I’m sure he saw James and Lily’s romance.

Old people see and know a lot of shit.

Snape comes in, you know, a battered, bruised kid.

Years go by, James marries Lily, Dumbles probably goes to the wedding and is happy for them. As it stands right now, they are just his students. He has no obligation to them.

Then Voldemort comes in the picture. Dumbles organizes the OOTp to fight back against him. But people die.

Suddenly he sees what happened with him and Grindelwald all over again, so many, many people he’s grown to trust die. Imagine the pain he has to deal with, knowing he has to fight and possibly kill his own student.

He probably blamed himself for it.

He probably thought he had to take down Voldie himself as it was his fault-he introduced him to magic, after all. But Dumbledore is the Headmaster of the school, he can’t just go running after him. The school has to stay open, so the kids can be safe.

So all this hardship happens, Dumbles watches. The Potters give birth to Harry and the Longbottoms are tortured into insanity, shortly after Alice Longbottom gives birth to Neville.

When Trelawney gives her prediction, he realizes the Potters are in danger.

So he goes to them, tells them they need to hide and selects a Secret Keeper, and obviously, he would know where they are, as he’s powerful and the only thing standing between them and certain death.

If anything, Voldemort would not want to mess with Dumbledore, but he was too afraid of him. So he hides them with Peter, who he thought he could trust, initially Sirius, but Dumbles thought this too obvious and switched them.

Peter is unassuming and seems to be an idiot who doesn’t know anything.

Therefore, Dumbles thinks, an idiot would be the last person Voldemort would want. Unfortunately, he’s a traitor.

He’s a bad guy, and that’s exactly what he was waiting for, and Voldie finds them and the rest is history. Harry is born.

So Dumbledore goes and along with Hagrid, he finds devastation. More of his students who trusted in him and his magic are dead. If he’d just stopped Tom, Lily and James would’ve lived full lives. They’re dead and the guy who did it is long gone.

From Dumble’s perspective, he didn’t know that Peter was evil. In this timeline, all he sees is Sirius looking mad and they fight, then Peter looks dead. I’m sure he wanted to take him aside and ask him if he did it, but as it is right now, so many people have died that just taking someone hostage for a while, to show that they were competent at something, would shut the Ministry up.

Now he was offered the position of the Minister but he turned that down. Why would he, if he’s the evil man everyone says he is?

Instead, he puts Sirius in jail, Peter gets away with it.

Now he sees that Harry is in a situation much like him, only it’s even worse. He doesn’t even have a house anymore. At least he had a house. Harry has no house, no family.

His mother is dead and so is his dad. And so comes the decision: what does he do with the child? Does he let Hogwarts raise the child? Sure, the house elves might be able to care for him, but would he understand and communicate with people?

Sure, there are wizards working at Hogwarts, but they’re not there all the time and what happens if that child wanders into a trap or the wrong staircase?

There are all those paintings that can keep an eye on him, but they’re paintings.

So he thinks about all the people he can have raise him. Well, Sirius is in prison, so scratch that. Peter is “dead.” Remus is a werewolf and Remus could easily wind up attacking and killing the child. He knows he means well, but he knows what he is.

There’s also Snape but Snape is also a Death Eater, so Voldemort would easily suspect him.

He thinks, maybe I can just give him to the Weasleys, but they have enough children of their own. Maybe he could be given to another Wizarding family. But he thinks of the idea that other  Death Eaters can easily track him down. The baby is on everyone’s hit lists.

If he leaves the baby with wizards, they will surely die. 

So Dumbledore is out of options, he considers Muggles but Muggles can’t fight back against them and the Death eaters can find him easily. They can easily kill Harry as long as he’s visible and easily traced.

They can still find and kill him.

This isn’t about how can I make a child a weapon, but it ties into Harry being a horcrux. So Dumbledore obviously guesses that some of Voldemort’s powers went into Harry when he got the scar as such that might make him a Horcrux.

He realizes in order for Voldie to be defeated, he has to do something that he would never, ever, ever, advocate for. He discovers Petunia and remembers that she’s alive, and remembers the spell that Lily used to protect Harry, as long as Harry considered the place he was with people to be his home, he would be protected, but only as long as it was of his blood.

So then he thinks about them, but then he has McGon go check the place, she reports back says they’re not pleasant people, but Dumbles thinks: should I let this kid be with people who will not be nice to him, but keep him safe and alive, or should I just let him die and let the greatest wizard of all rule over everything?

So think about this. What’s he supposed to do? 

He considers everything, but the snake dude always finds a way in.

No matter how many preparations you think you have, they always find a way in. Just like those ants I hate so much, lol.

He thinks if he takes a chance and uses this magic that snake guy doesn’t know of, Harry will be safe. I’m sure he understood that they weren’t good parents.

But, I’m sure he thought that Petunia would make an exception and treat Harry with love as he’s all that’s left of her sister. He was sure that Petunia still loved her sister so much that she would look after her nephew.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t really consider their perspectives, but there’s no time to consider the options. If he wants this kid to survive (yes, he wants him to survive, not die, I’ll be getting to that,) he must do his plan like this.

So he puts a magical ward around the house, puts the baby there, but it’s only for a couple hours. Petunia would find him and take him in. Then he leaves a letter because he knows, if he appears to them, they will be too scared and angry to listen to him. A letter will be their way of understanding what’s happened. 

They’re gonna have no choice but to agree. What if he can’t see what’s going on?

That’s why he has a plan B. Someone to watch them and make sure they’re not being bad.

That’s why he has a backup. That’s why he has a person that the Dursleys never stop to think twice about, a harmless old lady with cats, what’s so odd about that?

So Mrs. Figg comes in.

She sees things and babysits Harry and she can tell Dumbledore how Harry’s doing. She can obviously see when he’s outside, how they’re treating him, etc. She can’t see everything, but she knows they’re not “fun to be around” as she tells him in Boo/k 5.

Dumbledore figures that everything’s going fine.

Maybe the Dursleys are neglectful.

Also, the wizards are a bit like 1800s America, which means corporal punishment is fine to them. They don’t see abuse the same way we do. 

So there’s no excuse at all for Dumbles to hear abuse and not do anything about it. But what can he do? This place keeps Harry alive. As long as he’s not dead, he’d rather he be a little bit sad than dead. Dumbles has a utilitarian way of looking at things, which means one kid being a bit unhappy is better than an entire world being unhappy.

Dumbles is a Well-Intentioned Extremist. Was what he did wrong? Yes. Was it necessary? Yes. Harry had no other relatives to look after him. He had to stay with the Dursleys.

And Dumbles does call them out at the beginning of Book 6 for their mistreatment of him.

The problem with fandoms nowadays

Fandoms. They’re either good or bad, made up of good, kind people who love and devote their time to their ships, to their favorite characters, etc. Most of the time, fandoms are nice, great places to be in.

Most of the time.

Why do I say most?

Lately, I’ve noticed an alarming shift in the attitudes people in fandom are having towards each other, and it…it bothers and unsettles me. It really does.

Back in the early days of the Internet, fandoms had their hate clubs and hate sites for characters, but for the most part, aside from the occasional forum wars, people “agreed to disagree.”

There was even a policy called, “Don’t like, don’t read,” which meant if you came across a fanfic with a ship that wasn’t your favorite or wasn’t to your tastes, instead of leaving a nasty comment, you went on your merry way, and left others to their own devices. People shipped whatever and whoever they wanted, and in all essence, that’s the way things should be.

I don’t care if you ship a tree with a teddy bear, or Wincest, or hell, even space rocks with each other. It’s all fiction, it’s not real and people ought to know that, right? Wrong. Unfortunately, the attitudes in fandom lately have been poisoned by the constant wave of SJW politics that seem to have taken over fiction, fantasy, the one place we go to to escape politics.

Suddenly, I’m faced with people preaching about how you shouldn’t pair a fictional person with another fictional person because “it’s abuse” because it’s gross, suddenly I’m seeing people sending each other hate over absolutely childish and stupid things-it’s fucking fiction, you’re not being activists by burning your manga, sending the author hate or bitching on Twitter about something you have no control over and something that ultimately doesn’t affect your life that much.

Unfortunately, this attitude seems to be the de facto attitude nowadays. Fans are entitled, spoiled, even, by their creators, and demand their creators kowtow to their every whim or fantasy, even demanding they rewrite their material, or inventing bullshit about why they couldn’t get their way. It’s amazing how much time people spend arguing over fiction-I feel like it’s destroying the peaceful communities we once had.

Fiction is an escape from reality. It’s not real. Most people who sit down to read Harry Potter know this. But the one thing we don’t want is to be yelled at for choosing to read something. The scary thing is, companies like Barnes and Noble are censoring their erotica readers by closing down their work due to “objectionable content like violence, pornographic material, bestiality, and incest.”

Okay, okay, guess you shouldn’t be selling a Song of Ice and Fire, then. Time to cancel that shit. While we’re at it, might as well cancel Supernatural and Harry Potter and Twilight and the Hunger Games and every problematic anime and manga and tv show and video game out there-guess what, it’s not real.

Your childish attitudes have got to stop. You are ruining media for young up and coming authors like myself who are downright terrified of publishing anything without crazy people coming up and accusing me of supporting things like abuse against children, violence, cursing, etc.

You are the soccer moms of this day and age, screaming think of the children, while censoring the people who say things you don’t like. The worst part is, none of this is meaningful in any way. You go after the little people. You go after the fanartists, after the people who dare write about their experiences or their imaginations.

Yes, I’m looking at you, tumblrites. You and your ilk are the reason I’ve left tumblr to come back here. I want to write what I feel like without having people breathing down my neck, calling what I choose to write “evil” and saying I can’t write things without censoring myself to pander to and please people who think-who honestly think-that anyone who writes about abusive relationships-is promoting abuse.

The shippers have got to stop. In the old days, they were peaceful. Nowadays, they’re sending death threats, anonymous hatred and even doxing people’s addresses and PI and “exposing” them as creeps just for them being creative and for expressing their opinions. What happened to, if you don’t like something, just don’t read it? Close the damned page, go outside and experience life.

There is more to life than continually being angry over fiction. Yeah, I’m a critic, but I know fiction isn’t real. I know most people know and understand that fiction is not real. I’m just worried about the state of writing in America if people become too terrified of having to write to appease SJWs-so much so that their content becomes censored to the point where no fictional media can contain anything dark or negative-whether it be murder, incest, pedophilia, rape, abuse, drug abuse…it’s terrifying how these people advocate for burning of books and harass actively people they don’t like…just because of what they make.

I say this because I had run-ins with these sorts of people. I had people attack me and drive me out of fandoms over imaginary characters and ships simply because I disagreed with them. It’s insane-most people in the 60s would find it ridiculous that people would judge your moral character based on what you read.

Guess what? Out there, in the adult world, people will find you insane for judging people based on their fiction. You don’t need to care so much about what people read. You need to step away from your computer and spend time in the real world, with real people. Someday, these people will look back at the time they spent bullying people online, sending hate and harassment and will shake their heads, wondering why they wasted their time doing such silly things.

I can only hope that we will move past such things and will make fandom a safe place for people to be in again. Creative expression of ideas is why we loved fandom so much in the first place. Sure, there was Snape/Hermione or Snarry, but if we didn’t like it we simply moved on. Nowadays, you can ruin someone’s online reputation simply based on what they enjoy reading about or writing about.

What is wrong with us?

Why are we embracing tactics that dictatorships do to silence people with alternating opinions from ours? Above all, these characters are not real. They are not real people. We need to differentiate between reality and fantasy. We need to know and recognize that fiction only has an effect on us if we let it, if we are an adult, we can change the channel, turn off the TV or close the browser.

Let us bring back those happy times in fandom where we simply “Didn’t like,” just xed out the page and moved on to fanfics that did make us happy. Let’s quit the hatred and bashing of authors just because of what they write.

After all, writing was meant to talk about things that can’t happen in real life and if you censor it all, it becomes rather boring.

Aw man

I really think I’m just going to up and leave Tumblr for good. There are too many toxic people on there, too many people who flip out over little things, too many people who just take everything too seriously. It’s so draining to be on there nowadays.

I’d rather be over here, writing and venting out my frustrations. You ever get that feeling where people hate you for stupid reasons? Well, that’s me right now.

So, uh, the next anime reviews should be out in a day or so. Have a lotta homework to do and such. Thank you all for following me again! I hope you’re all doing well!

Ted Bundy’s lesser known/suspected victims (The Santa Rosa killings, 1972-1973)


I think you’ve noticed by now that I’ve taken an unusual and active interest in serial killers. I’m fascinated by how they think-particularly this motherfucker, Ted fucking Bundy.

(Warning for violence, explicit death and other gory stuff)

Mainly because this guy is so…so interesting. He killed in so many states and in so many ways, it’s a good thing he was stopped. But the scary thing is, as much as we know about him, there’s so little we actually do know about him. There are as many myths about the man as there are facts.

One of the major myths is that he killed little Ann Marie Burr (his data was ultimately found to be inconclusive and failed to match the DNA found at the case, as shown here

The evidence I’ve found for him killing her is so minimal I honestly can’t believe it. I also read that there were a number of other creeps in the neighborhood, including a kid in his teens who was not only “friends” with Anne, he was known to be really creepy around her and actually failed the lie detector test when questioned. (He later killed himself.)

This post is nothing but speculation, as I am not an official detective and I have never met Bundy, I am just going by my own intuition on him.

He was by far one of the most prolific serial killers with the amount of territory he covered. He killed in Washington, in Utah, in Colorado, in Florida, in Idaho, in Florida, in Oregon, and in Nevada, it’s even believed he killed in Vermont and attacked women in New Jersey (though I’m skeptical of that personally, as the victim there stabbed people.)

Today, I’m blowing your minds.

What if Bundy started way sooner than 1974?

As a matter of fact, he told detectives that he’d started killing long before 1974, and begun around 1969, and he was going to college in the middle ’60s. His true victims could be in the hundreds, and honestly I would not be surprised if there are even more victims than what I’ve deduced.

I’ll be listing the newer potential victims I’ve found first.

I’ve also found some rather interesting “victims” that are posited by the man, Robert Graysmith (whose writings on Zodiac are rather dubious in nature), that seem to match Ted a heck of a lot more than they do Zodiac.

So, Ted Bundy did not just up and start killing all of a sudden. His killings show sophistication and cunning, it’s the work of an experienced serial killer. Would you really think an inexperienced serial killer would be able to successfully commit the crime of Lynda Ann Healy without anything going wrong?

Ah, let me tell you why I’ve figured out that is complete horseshit. A man like him was not satisfied with waiting for years between victims.

Bundy was not satisfied with waiting for victims, he struck when he could and the more often, the better.

This was not Bundy’s way of thinking. Above all that, his abduction of his supposed “first” victim, Lynda Ann, shows an unusual amount of proficiency in how it’s carried out.

First of all, think about how hard it is for a grown human being to sneak into a house, without waking anyone up or making any sounds whatsoever (especially a man with heavy footsteps), then creep into someone’s room, attack her and knock her unconscious, and then lift her up, without a struggle happening, without her screaming or making a sound, and without someone waking up to hear those things, and without him being seen or heard as he left the building.

As a demonstration, I tried to pick up my dog while he was sleeping in his bed. He instantly woke up, struggled and fought back, and ultimately slipped out of my arms. This shows that any person who is doing this for the first time will ultimately fail, as it does not work as smoothly as it does in the movies.

To me, if this truly were his first crime, he would’ve fucked up in some way-aka, she would wake up, scream, attack him, etc, leave behind a fingerprint.

But no, she just disappeared.

But no, this is a crime executed in a way that suggests that he had practiced this before, or done it before this. This wasn’t his first time attacking a woman. No, it was just the beginning of his public persona.

So if you ask me to believe a man with such vile hatred of women, who had horrendous thoughts and intentions toward them…never committed any crimes against them, up until one year, he suddenly snapped…I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. This man was not the kind to stop or suddenly start.

Why 1969, you ask? Well, first of all, Bundy remained awfully tight-lipped about a certain state where numerous women turned up dead…California. He happily answered to most of his crimes, but when it came to California, he suddenly said, “I can’t talk about California now.” Many people say, oh well he didn’t do anything there! I say, bullshit!

Though he was a chronic liar, why would he lie about his killings? That’s the one thing in life he was proud of, why would he feel the need to lie-unless, unless he was throwing out little clues, challenging investigators to find stuff he wanted to remain hidden-in other words, he was hiding his early crimes. Cali/fornia is where the killer began his rampage.

Bu/ndy admitted himself: he began killing in 1969, when said killer was only 23. People claim he was still in college then, but they are forgetting that Ted was a rampant traveler, capable of traveling long distances to kill with his little VW. Large amounts of his time are unknown, so anything goes.

This means there’s a lot Bundy did that we’re not fucking aware of.

My main belief is, that in this book, “Zodiac”, the author wrongly assumes that Zodiac is somehow responsible for a series of killings that don’t even fit his MO. Let me ask you, why would Zodiac suddenly shift from couples to lone, young coed women? Why would he suddenly stop shooting and stabbing?

My belief is that the author stumbled upon Bundy’s earliest victims (or some other hooligan) and assumed: Zodiac was the person to blame. This author also has pushed forth false evidence in the case of the Zodiac murders and even attempted to cast suspicion away from other potential suspects.

This website shows that he not only got the locations wrong, he also changes his mind multiple times about who the killer could be. He describes the man as overweight, even though one of the victims claims he was thin and not overweight. He goes on to imply some man is stalking a deceased female victim of Zodiac, even when family members imply otherwise.

Do I 100% believe Zodiac stopped killing? Probably not. But do I believe he went on to kill more than 7 people? No. The killings he assigns this man to not only violate Zodiac’s MO, they also don’t fit his motives, they are completely random and just don’t fit the way your gloves fit when you put the wrong pair on the wrong hand.

First of all, let me go over the newest potential victims I found.

On May 29th, 1974, a girl named Diane Sue Gilchrist went missing, last seen getting into a van with an unknown man. Keep in mind, his next victim was in June 11th, Georgeann. She might have been a blond, but as long as she was pretty, Ted probably couldn’t give less of a flying fuck.

This victim matches the number of weeks in between when Ted took certain victims.

Another interesting victim I found was Laurie Lynn Partridge, a 14-year old girl who went missing while walking home from school with complaints of menstrual cramps. She was never seen alive again, and interestingly enough, Bundy was detained shortly after her disappearance by police, interrogated…and then they…LET HIM GO.


Now, look, he was found near the area, GUILTY.

Lastly, there’s this girl, who was last seen walking through the forests. She disappeared and was never found again. Making girls disappear certainly seemed like his sort of thing, didn’t it? Sick fuck.


Now, first, for the California murders: a young girl by the name of Arlis Perry turned up murdered in a church on Stanford University. This young woman was murdered in October 1974, a time in which Bundy was still very much active and seeking out women to kill.

Bundy knew a friend who was in Stanford and he had familiar knowledge with California. When people question: why do I implicitly believe every time a woman turned up dead on a college campus in the 70s, it was Ted? It’s because the location fits, it’s because the motives fit, it’s because the factors just add up to a Bundy killing. His MO was unique.

(Also, he was known for making all day trips to places. This wouldn’t be out of character for him. He was very much active in October 1974, so he would strike where he could.)

Poor Arlis was murdered in a brutal way, having been struck in the back of the head by an ice pick. She was au naturel and had been strangled, and a candle had been found in her…nether regions (for the sake of sensitivity, I’m not saying explicit details).

Keep in mind several things here: First, Bundy was known for doing horrible things to women, and objects inserted where they shouldn’t be happened multiple times, from a hair curler to a metal rod, this is not out of character for him. Second, the nudity: Ted would steal his victims’ clothes and then get rid of them elsewhere, knowing they would implicate him.

Third, the strangulation, again Bundy relied on that. That is one of his calling cards. Fourth, the most damning piece of evidence is: the fucking ice pick. Who else but T/ed bashed girls’ heads in with such brutal force? Also, this girl was a coed, by herself, and the perfect target.

Bundy came and went on so many campuses it makes sense that he would choose this poor girl, enact his horrible murder in a church (to once again, taunt the police) and then escape. The fact remains is that he is merely a suspect, imo, so this murder of his is only alleged, but I have a strong belief that he committed this crime, because the MO and the details point to him and him alone.

I read that her family decided he was not guilty. Bullshit. I have a strong belief that he fucking did it. Who else but him could beat a girl’s brains in like that? Who else would be skulking around a campus at night?

Bundy was daring and was originally a man who lurked outside and stalked girls at night, only later did he gain the confidence to approach them during the day.

This is what makes him such a unique killer, unlike Ramirez, he didn’t simply break in and tie people up. He acted nice and personable-and then he killed.

Also, the fact remains that a large gap of time is found in between the Sam/mamish murders and in between his other killings. What was he doing then? Why, more killing, of course! (What else would you suspect from such a creep?)

I believe Bundy had enough awareness to know that what he was doing was sheer evil. However, he not only chose to not stop, he chose to continue to terrorize his victims in even more evil ways.

As the Sammamish murders have shown, this was not the first time Bundy selected multiple targets for his satisfaction.

Now, back to the murders of which Zodiac was charged with: the Santa Rosa Murders. From 1971-73, many hitchhikers, all female (of course) turned up dead in numerous, grotesque ways. Many suspects were considered, but none were apparently caught. However, Bundy is a “person of interest” in the crimes, meaning that a lot more people than just me believe he committed these crimes.


Originally posted by sociopathic-compulsions

It is here that I believe he began his evil ways. The murders here are inept, fledgling, even-the bodies were found, in some instances, even the weapons were found-(stockings) and the locations were noted. This is the work of a beginner serial killer, not a full-fledged one such as the Ted of 1974-78. This is a Ted who was starting to figure out how to commit a murder and get away with it without being charged.

Cali was a gold mine of information for detectives that he did not want them finding, no matter what. For it is here that he truly started to experiment with how to successfully kill and break a human being.

The murders are truly brutal. No one but him was capable of such brutality.

These victims were killed in the area of Santa Rosa, Cali, hence its name. In those days, people really didn’t think twice about accepting a ride from a stranger. Ted probably taught them otherwise, sadly.

None of those women he killed deserved to lose their lives, they were all beautiful, talented young souls who lost their lives way too young at the hands of a madman. One was even working with special needs children at the time of her death (Janice), were she to have survived, she might have made the lives of a lot of special needs kids a bit brighter (and myself having autism, it absolutely broke my heart to hear that she spent her time doing that and then she died. Can I just say a round of applause for this brilliant woman? You made an often maligned group of people in that era have happiness, thank you so much.)

What’s funny is the description they gave of Zodiac matches Bundy down to a T(the way they described him as a sexual sadist, despite the fact that Zodiac just stabbed and shot in a brutal, but ultimately neutral and uncaring way. I doubt he got off on any of those crimes. He was just a brute, not a sexual sadist.)

I’m sorry, but if people can believe Bundy traveled to five or six states, (and there’s legit evidence for it) why are we suddenly in denial of him being able to travel to more states? He did. This guy didn’t stop killing. He was a killing machine. His simple way of killing let him go undetected for so long. He evolved, every time he killed, he did it a different way.

The Santa Rosa killings are another example of some murders that fit his MO:

Here they are, as quoted by Wikipedia:

“ Maureen Sterling and Yvonne Weber, both 12-year-old Herbert Slater Middle School students,[2]disappeared around 9 pm on February 4, 1972, after visiting the Redwood Empire Ice Arena.[3]They were last seen hitchhiking on Guerneville Road, northwest of Santa Rosa.[1] Their bodies were found December 28,[4] 2.2 miles north of Porter Creek Road on Franz Valley Road, down a steep embankment approximately 66 feet off the east side of the roadway.[3] A single earring, orange beads and a 14-carat gold necklace with cross were found at the scene.[5] The cause of death could not be determined[3] from the skeletal remains.[5]”

Okay, first of all, let’s look at their age. Ted killed at least two other 12-year olds, but what if those two weren’t his first? What if these two were? Second of all, again, hitchhiking? This is another common sign. Third, Bundy was known for his incredible strength, so throwing bodies into ravines could have been how he first did things. He first threw bodies into ravines, but he messed up. They were found.

That’s how he learned-switch to areas no one ever goes to, or better yet, destroy the bodies, much like he did with poor Donna’s skull. He chose those wooded areas later on, but these were (possibly) his first kills.

Now let’s look at her: this poor unfortunate girl.

“Kim Wendy Allen Santa Rosa Junior College art student[6] Kim Wendy Allen, 19, was given a ride by two men on March 4, 1972,[5] from her job at Larkspur Natural Foods[7] to San Rafael.[5] They last saw her at approximately 5:20 pm hitchhiking to school near the Bell Avenue entrance to Highway 101, northbound,[3] carrying a large wooden soy barrel with red Chinese characters on it. Her body was found the following day down an embankment in a creek bed twenty feet off Enterprise Road in Santa Rosa. The victim had been bound at the ankles and wrists, raped and slowly strangled with a cord for an estimated thirty minutes.[5] Semen was recovered from the body and a single gold loop earring was found at the site.[

Once again, we see a specific pattern stand out here:“hitchhiking.” This is one thing a lot of his victims share in common with one another, is that they were all hitchhikers, easy prey for a disgusting man like him. Second, a college student! Again! He lurked on these campuses because, as I’ve noticed in my college campus, anyone can come waltzing in and no one gives a crap. The air of indifference on college campuses is still present today.

Do you think it’s possible he tried to smash her head in with the barrel, then failed and just decided to go with strangulation? Just a random thought that hit my head.

I’ve met a lot of weird and creepy people at college. You can just walk in and strut around, and no one notices you or questions you on anything. While that freedom can be great, it can also be dangerous. This was a man who knew how to worm his way into various colleges and be so ordinary that everyone who met him suspected nothing about him.

An embankment, once again! Also, keep in mind the date. Bundy killed about once or twice a month, and he liked keeping it in consistent order. This is how police were initially able to track him, because he did it in a consistent pattern. He has been known to take two victims at once, like the Sammamish murders.

Therefore, it is not hard to speculate that he was prowling around for victims. The victim was bound at the ankles? Bundy’s girlfriend confessed that he liked hog-tying her up to the bed, binding her hands and feet.

R word? Check.

Strangled with a cord? Again, fucking Ted, everyone. This one screams Bund/y.

He has been known to leave things behind at the scene of the crime before, and go pick it up in front of police. as

The next one is Lori Lee Kursa, who died of a broken neck. Strangulation can cause a broken neck. However, this one differs in that the suspect seen taking her was not Bundy, therefore it is highly unlikely that he committed this crime. I don’t think Bundy has an Afro, do you? No.

The next one that matches up with him is Caroline Davis. The only inconsistency is poisoning, but again, notice here, as a fledgling killer, you know, Bundy said he found knives to be too “easy”. This doesn’t mean he never used knives to kill before. Most likely, he tried a lot of things before settling on one ruse of many to lure away women.

Poison? Where could he have gotten it? Presumably on some college campus at a chemistry lab. They probably had it in great doses back then. Poison was probably much more widely available back then than it is now. Aha, it says here it used to be taken in a pill form. So it’s quite possible he just pilfered a bottle (he was a notorious shoplifter and thief, too.) and used it on a victim.

However, I’m not 100% sure this victim is also his, if only because of the method and because poisoning was an obvious act. This could have been the work of someone else.

It’s not impossible for him to have changed methods, but to say it was him with certainty is unlikely at best.

Here is one that fits up with his timeline: December 22, 1973: Theresa Walsh goes missing and is found strangled to death. Hogtied, assaulted and strangled. Again, here we have a winner. Bundy graduated from college in this month, and it’s easy to assume that on breaks, he’d be cruising for victims. Again, she would be easy prey, another hitchhiker, and it’s extremely close to his known killing spree.

Hogtied, check, assaulted, check, strangled, check. However, the location-Malibu is a bit off, I’m not sure if he was there at any point in time. If anyone can check for me, I’d be most appreciative of it. He could’ve killed her-I’m giving this one a possible YES.

Here are some other potential victims. She had been strangled, check, and thrown into shrubs, check. He was in town on the day of some of the disappearances, his gas records show that. Lemme take you to that fascinating link of Ted’s gas records.

Aw, man, it appears that website has disappeared. Sad, cuz it had some incriminating evidence. The pregnant one doesn’t quite match up with the others, but that’s okay. There are a few other cases I’d like to examine before concluding this.

Martha Morrison and Carol Valenzuela are suspected to be some of Bundy’s other unknown victims-or victims that he was suspected of, but not incriminated for. Martha Morrison is posited as being one of Warren Forrest’s victims, so we can cross her off the list.

Here’s what my book, “The Bundy Murders,” has to say about Carol: “It appears he did kill Carol Valenzuela. She was last seen hitchhiking in the Camus, Washington, area in August 1974, and like the others, simply disappeared. Lying only one hundred feet away was another female who had met the same fate as Carol. She, too, had long brown hair parted in the middle.

So is it known that he killed them? Possibly. We may never know for sure, all of this is just speculation. But here is where things get interesting. When I was researching in the books, I found two things that struck me as having a distinct connection between these supposed “Zodiac victims” and Bundy.

The first is: The Kim case. Strangled with white clothesline. I read through the Bundy murders and stopped dead in my tracks when I read this line from the author himself, who saw Bundy’s weapons personally: a piece of white clothesline rope, and a white sheet for binding the hands and feet of his victims. Now, I really, really gasped. I was like, what? I did not just see that!!?

See, that there is evidence. Evidence that links him to these murders, no matter how little else there is other than speculation. Now, finally, let’s take a look at the psyche of the “Zodiac” and compare it to Bundy, because I think the detective was mistaking Bundy for Zodiac.

The killer took clothing? Bundy.

The one thing that counts against this author is: the victims themselves do not match with Zodiac’s kill count. Previously, Zodiac only targeted couples. Not women by themselves. But couples. And a random taxi driver he killed for the lulz. But the fact remains that the rest of these are so much different from his typical methods (Zodiac’s,) that one has to wonder: would this guy really alter his patterns any?

Or is this just the work of Bundy and they’re confusing it with Zodiac? Because really, Zodiac just shot and stabbed victims, tied them up, terrorized them, and talked to his victims. Bundy didn’t have the patience for that kind of thing. He would rather just get them alone and then do his thing.

But, let’s be clear here, when we think about the patterns of the Rosa cases: lone, college-age females, hitchhiking, strangled to death, beaten, head injuries, rape, assault, clothes taken, white clothesline, hog-tied, bodies thrown into ravines, young people with brown hair, there’s really only one man who fits the description of some of them. And it ain’t Zodiac.

It was this motherfucker and no one else. No one else has this unique kill pattern, I’m sure.

“The students were tortured, stabbed, poisoned, strangled, drowned, smothered, or broken.”

TED. He has drowned someone before (Culver), strangled, stabbed, smothered, and tortured his victims before. The author even goes on to cite Washington and Oregon’s missing females before suddenly tying it to Zodiac. Right, because we all know Zodiac killed all of Bundy’s victims!

They even say, from 1969-74 (!!!!) fourteen young women murdered! DUH. Ted started in 1969!!!!

Even more interesting is his psych evaluation of the killer: “Always male, under thirty-five, clever, stealthy, strong and intelligent. The sexual sadist seeks revenge. Sex with other women is impossible. Murder is the only successful relationship he can have with a woman. He kills to achieve sexual pleasure. Murder produces a powerful sexual arousal and pleasure.”

Again, this fits Ted to a T. 

“He will be fascinated with policework and may pretend to be one.”


Again, it goes on to describe dehumanization of victims into objects. Bundy did this. He chooses victims with specific characteristics, such as students or hitchhikers-OH, COME ON, THIS IS FUCKING B/UNDY. Can describe his assaults in great detail.

Look at this video for evidence of how well B/undy remembered his crimes:

Bundy REMEMBERS every detail, down to how he was walking, what he said to them, and where he buried them. You’re not even trying here, author.

In conclusion, I believe that this author put cases that did not match Zo/diac but rather B/undy and confused them with a man who stopped killing after only 6 people and disappeared.

Bundy never stopped killing.

Once again, I repeat, these are theories. There is no direct evidence that he killed all of these women, however, the MO and the ways they were carried out are similar enough to mark him as a person of interest in some of them.

And he definitely did do something big in Cali. If not murder, what else? Flower picking?

B/undy began in California, in my opinion, in somewhere in late 72 or 73. His abductions later on show great skill and experience. Who he killed in 69? I doubt he killed in Vermont or in Pennsylvania.

Just cuz he traveled to at least 6 or 7 doesn’t mean he was in all 50 states and is responsible for every female killed.

There’s also Gary Leon Ridgway, Ramirez, and many others who can be treated as suspects for missing girls in the 80s. Bundy was behind bars then so he didn’t kill any of them.


Sources: “Zodiac,” Robert Graysmith, 1996.

“The Bundy Murders”, Kevin M. Sullivan, 2009

“Santa Rosa Hitchhiking Murders,” Wikipedia

(apologies for the weird formatting. Tumblr kinda killed my knowledge of blogging paragraphs.)

This film is one I saw a month ago, and has still been imprinted in my mind ever since.
R.I.P. to all those killed by Ted Bundy.

This review is in no way an endorsement of Ted’s crimes.

This review is about to start off in a rather unconventional way.

Picture the scene: you are a girl, in college. You know, taking your classes, gossiping away with your friends, just enjoying a regular social life. Everything in your life is ordinary. Almost a bit too ordinary.

So you go out somewhere for fun, you know, go out to parties and get drunk with your friends, you just want to enjoy yourself. Your friends always talk about “the one” that you can find. Your dream man.

So far, none of the men you’ve met in your life really fit that definition. None of them are really charming enough or handsome enough. You think to yourself that you’re never going to be the kind of girl who will attract a nice guy, you know.

Say you’re just out at the beach, or a park. You’re just sitting there, basking in the sun, swimming in the lake, or just tanning. Then something happens.

You happen to see…a man. A man who seems to be older than you, but very, very attractive, very cute, very much up your alley. He’s got curly dark brown hair and an award-winning smile. He just seems like your type.

Then you notice that the other girls in the park are checking him out, too, and you think, oh wait, he’s the hot guy, he’s never gonna turn my way.

Things might be much better for you if he hadn’t looked your way.

But then, imagine your shock when the man comes up to you and he actually notices you.

Your heart skips a beat, what could he possibly want with an ordinary girl like me, right? I’m ugly, I’ve got a lot of acne, I’ve got freckles, I wear glasses, I’m not very tall, my hair’s not blond, I’m slightly chubby, I’ve got unconventional interests, what the hell could this guy want from me?

So this guy comes toward you-and you notice something. He seems to be injured. He’s walking a little funny, he’s got his arm in a sling, and despite all that, he’s still smiling, so he can’t be too hurt, right?

He comes over, and introduces himself. It’s a fairly ordinary name, and then you introduce yourself, and you two shake hands, and then he says, “I was wondering-if you could help me-”

‘Oh yeah, I’d do anything for this cute guy! ‘

Your mind screams.

I mean, you can’t get any luckier than this, right? You weren’t expecting to get any guys here, then a handsome one comes up to you and you’re one lucky girl all of a sudden! He asks if you can help him put away his sailboat. You find that to be an odd request, but you’re like, whatever.

He starts asking you about yourself, asking you what you do for a living. You tell him you’re a schoolteacher. You talk about this, he’s nodding and he looks happy.

All seems to be going well, just wait until you tell your friends about the attractive guy you met and won over!

You go over to his car, it’s a nice enough car, a tad ordinary, perhaps, but good enough. It’s a German breed of car and not only that, it’s yellow, not your favorite color, but cool enough, you guess. He opens his door and says, hop in.

You’re thinking, “Oh my god, he’s gonna take me to his house, I’m gonna get his phone number and things are going to go great!” Then you notice, there’s no sailboat. So you ask for an explanation; he laughs and says he left it up at his parents’ place and it’s not far from here. He asks if you want to come along.

You couldn’t be more excited. It’s not like you have anything better to do, right? The doors are closed, he puts on his seatbelt and motions for you to put on your own. Then the door locks, the odd little car starts up and you two are off.

He continues to talk, but then you notice something. Something a little strange. For some reason, the seat doesn’t go down right. You ask the man about this, but he just laughs and says he likes eccentric cars.

You accept that-and think he’s just a funny guy until you notice, that for some reason, he’s driving you far away from town.

“Do you live up in the mountains?” You ask.

You do want to get home, (eventually,) to your friends and your parents.

“Is your house around here?” You ask, again.

Suddenly, the handsome stranger is not responding. He’s suddenly quiet and you wonder if you said or did something to make him mad.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask.

Still, no response.

The guy is just staring at the wheel, and then the car stops. In the middle of a clearing. Now you know something’s wrong.

“If this is some kind of a joke, it’s not very funny.” You say. “Can you please let me out?”

“Weren’t you going to help me with my sailboat?” He says, still in that same, cheery tone, but the look in his eyes is a bit frightening now. You try to get out of the car, but for some reason, it’s locked. You’re trapped.

You ask him what’s going on, but he doesn’t answer as he turns to face you. There’s this look of utter lust in his eyes and you find yourself thinking, what the hell did I get myself into?

Suddenly he attacks you, claps two handcuffs on your arms so you can’t move, and then suddenly he’s put a gag on your mouth so you can’t scream.

When you try to speak, he screams that he’ll kill you if you make any sudden movements and cocks a gun at you. Suddenly, he pulls out…a crowbar and hits you on the head with it.

You pass out and then wake up, in time to find yourself in the woods, with blood on your body, you’re naked, and your clothes are missing. The man is still there, holding the crowbar that’s stained red with your blood.

You try to fight back, but he’s already assaulted you. You start begging for your life as he continues to attack you, but he doesn’t care. Instead, he continues to beat you with the crowbar. You can’t see anymore and then he puts his arms around your throat and strangles you. You’re dead.

Then after that happens, he takes your body and he does awful things to it, really awful things that I don’t want to describe. Maybe he’ll take your skull and keep it as a souvenir. Maybe he just buries your body and visits it again and again.

Maybe he’ll put makeup on you. Maybe he’ll take your teeth as a souvenir.

Your parents? Your friends? They’ll never know what happened to you. Why? Because you were blind enough to trust in the wrong guy. It was not your fault that this happened to you, of course. You trusted in the words of a serial killer.

Not just any serial killer, however, a famous one who has killed lots of girls like you. You weren’t the first victim, nor will you be the last. You were one of his confessed thirty-six victims killed, although there were many more victims than that.

Girls about your age, like you, some were of younger age than you.

You and all these girls had dreams of their own but they were all taken away by this man. This man is none other than the infamous serial killer, Ted Bundy.

Often known as one of the most brutal, horrific and cruel serial killers out there, Ted is rumored to have killed over one hundred women.

It’s suspected that he started killing when he was around fourteen, when a young girl in his neighborhood disappeared from her bedroom one night and was never found. He was the newspaper boy for the neighborhood and she knew him and trusted him. He did confess to murdering someone first in his teens.

You see, Ted is a promising law student, nice, handsome, kind and charming. He’s very intelligent, he’s got a good future ahead of him. You see, there’s just one problem, he can’t stop killing. He can’t stop seeing women as objects.

In the end, that will be the death of him. IRL, Ted was electrocuted in 1989 and put to death this way. But the film we’re talking about was released in 1986, when Bundy was still very much alive and in jail.

This movie is a miniseries called “The Deliberate Stranger”. It stars Mark Harmon of NCIS fame as Bundy himself. That story I told you earlier? It’s the story of any of his victims. It can happen to you.

It can happen to any girl or boy (let’s not overlook boys here, but seeing as Bundy only preyed on women, this is mostly going to be talking about his crimes against ladies).

This is why they tell you never to get into cars with strangers. In fact, it almost happened to me yesterday. I was walking with an umbrella to my bus stop to get picked up by the local bus as I hate walking in the rain as it gets my things wet.

I am a male, but I have not yet transitioned publicly so I appear to be a “she” to the outside world. So while I was going to the bus stop, a car pulls up and a woman rolls down the window and asks, “Do you need a lift?”

I’m considering whether I should accept her offer or not and then the image of a certain killer flashes through my head and I think, why the hell is she asking me that? I’ve got an umbrella and I clearly look like I’m headed somewhere.

Then I think she’s a good person. But then the paranoid side of my bipolar kicks in, screaming what if she’s got malicious intent and warning me that girls can be as evil and deceitful as men. In all retrospect, this lady was not anyone I knew, so I said, “no thanks,” and then she drove off.

I was scolding myself for being rude, chiding myself for turning down a total stranger who just wanted to help me. But I found myself relieved that I didn’t go in her car.

There were two other situations this reviewer found himself in. One night, I was walking home carrying dinner: pizza.

Then I noticed a man walking the same route as me. So I move my position, he continues following me. I turn the corner, he continues following me. I’m a little unnerved but not showing it on my face and my earphones are out of my ears to show that I’m fully alert and aware of myself.

As I was manic then, all my senses were on high alert and though my mind was buzzing, my senses were still active. He said suddenly, “I must be scaring you, right?”

I stopped and said yeah, cautiously.

He just laughs and explains he was going to see his kid and he lives on the same street. I didn’t buy that baloney for a second, so I turn and watch him go into a house but he doesn’t come out with a kid, so I just turn and hurriedly run back up the street, go inside and lock my door. Naturally .when he asked if he was frightening me that made me suspicious.

Another time I was walking to college and some college kid rolls down his window and asks if I need a ride. I think to myself aw how nice then remember, Bundy was a college student and a killer so I declined.

All too often, we’re told to trust in authority figures and strangers. We’re told that we shouldn’t let our paranoia define us and that we shouldn’t let our fear override our common sense. The majority of the time, people are kidnapped and killed by those they know. Their friends, their relatives, their siblings, parents, etc. Their neighbors, even.

But the scariest thing is when it’s a total, no, a deliberate stranger. There’s nothing more sadistic than someone who takes advantage of others and pretends to be injured to gain their pity, only to kill them.

The scariest thing about Ted Bundy is, even in my year or so of analyzing him and his crimes, I have only discovered more victims and more questions than answers. I theorized that he’s connected to the “Santa Rosa” murders and killed much earlier than initially thought. Eventually, I might post those ideas, if anyone’s interested in listening.

But damn, this guy was tricky. He took advantage of good, innocent people. Good people.

Good people who didn’t deserve to be beaten, raped and strangled. These girls were nothing but his toys.

That’s what he did. For several years, his reign of terror continued across the Southwest of the US and he even went to Florida and continued his crimes. Girls going missing left and right and they don’t know what to do and then they finally catch the mofo. He was just too good for jail, he escaped twice.

The first time he jumped out a fucking window and was gone for a day or two. The second time, he methodically drilled a hole in his cell and escaped by walking out the door of prison and no one noticed nor cared.

You see, unlike a lot of serial killers, Ted was different from them. Why? Because he was always thinking and using his brain. Other killers just went nuts, but not him. Because he was a sociopath (suspected, but never confirmed) that shit didn’t happen to him.

Now, back to the movie itself.

It shows us Ted living his “ordinary” life while girls go missing left and right (their names are changed for the sake of the victim’s privacy), then the detectives who are attempting to solve these cases, and shows how he unravels when a girl he tries to kill escapes.

Throughout the course of the film, we see Harmon as this ordinary guy. Frankly, his performance as Ted is intimidating. Not scary, but ominous. That’s the best way to put it. Frankly, it’s amazing that they chose him and that he plays the role so well, because he’s terrifying.

He’s downright creepy, he gets that creepy, cold stare that Ted always had on his face. Just look at this clip of him before he commits his worst murders, in the Omega Sorority Murders:

Ted at the nightclub

He totally gets Ted’s way of thinking. It’s hard to separate reality from fantasy while you’re watching the Deliberate Stranger because Harmon just takes Bundy and makes him his own. It’s pretty terrifying to see the movie through the eyes of a villain.

It’s even scarier knowing this guy was a real person who did real, fucked-up shit. We see it from Ted’s view and as a result, the whole film becomes eerie.

Even the music is distorted and eerie, showing Ted’s warped mindset.

You and I, the audience, we know Ted is not nice. The thing is, no one knows that he’s actually a sick person on the inside. That’s part of what makes this movie so effective, we see this guy fool people for so long with his pretend play. He has one girl he loves and yet he goes behind her back and kills others.

A lot of the time, the murders aren’t even shown-as they are so explicit that showing them back then would’ve resulted in instant censorship. You know how TV was in the 80s.

So, what we get instead is arguably worse: the intro gives us Bundy’s shadow creeping down an alleyway, following a girl, and we see his shadow coming closer and closer to her, and then the scene cuts to black, leaving the viewers to know what happened to the poor girl.

I mean, you really feel for one of the detectives who actually really likes Ted and eventually realizes he’s been used this whole time. At the end of the film, he is desperate as no one will believe he is “innocent” and even his own girlfriend won’t listen. She’s human, she’s someone you can relate with.

She thinks it’s absurd that her future husband could be a serial killer, nonetheless she submits his name in anyway. In the beginning, she’s infatuated with him, almost hypnotized by him. She genuinely loves her but he does not and is just using her.

But if anyone gets awards for the most emotional performances in this series, it has to be the scenes with the girls. Kudos to the actresses of these girls-and their parents, because…FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, IF THE SCENE WITH THE PARENTS DOESN’T RIP YOUR HEART OUT.

You know, we see one girl (Denise Naslund) laughing and joking with her mom that nothing is going to happen to her. Then she disappears, and mom is so worried that I felt like she was my mom at that instant.

Then she gets a knock on the door and the detectives come in, informing her that her daughter is missing and that they need evidence to ID her body, possibly a piece of her hair. Naturally she tells them that’s bs and that her daughter isn’t dead.
Then they return again to tell her they found her daughter, or rather they just found a couple of bones, jaw bones and a patella. Imagine being a parent and being in that situation. Your daughter’s not just missing, but dead and all that’s left of her are little bones.

The fact that the mom just starts bawling after seeing this tore my heart in two and this reviewer spent a good portion of the movie in tears, weeping for the murdered girls. Then they hold a funeral for the murdered girl. And I’m like, STOP! This is too much!

The saddest part is that these girls did mean something to everyone, but Ted doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that he ripped these girls away from their families, destroyed their lives and murdered them senselessly. All he cares about is murdering innocent girls just to get turned on.

Humans are pretty much the only species to hunt their own kind for fun. Lions don’t do this, they exile the loser but don’t harm him unless he comes back to try and challenge the leader again.

Ultimately, nature has animals hunt and kill for survival, not because they enjoy it. That seems to be humanity’s biggest sin.

Some killers were aware of their wrongdoings. Others were monsters and Bundy was just one of those monsters. There’s yet another scene with parents demanding to know where their daughter is. Then they have to identify their daughter’s skull. This should not be happening to parents. They should not have to see this. I will never forget the father’s scream.

It will haunt me until the day I die, and I can still hear the actor’s scream echoing in my own ears. Characters get 10/10, even the minor characters are all memorable. Despite the parents appearing for short amounts of time, those parents evoked the most emotions out of me.

. I can’t imagine being in their shoes. No one should have to lose their child in such a horrible way. I can’t imagine them being sorry for him when he was killed. I’m not a fanboy of his, I only find him interesting in how his mind worked.

(This was a two-parter originally, hence the disjointed feel to it.)