Ah, yes, Harry Potter….the nice school of wizards and witches….the ideal place to learn how to use magic in the world of dull, ordinary Muggles who misunderstand you and your magic and you make bestest friends forever who will always stick by your side no matter what….not to mention the world full of demons, soul-sucking monsters, a school with an apathetic, if not downright manipulative headmaster, and a terrible atmosphere to teach students….say what? Yup, you heard me. Hogwarts is by far one of the worst fictional schools ever and here’s why it sucks eggs and why Dumbbelldore is an ass.

-Why the Wizarding World sucks-

The Wizarding World is full of dumbasses, and the isolated atmosphere only serves to enhance their stupidity. Okay, so they coexist with the human world. You’d think they would:understand more than just their own worldview and try to understand ordinary people like us, they would widen their knowledge of contemporary events and learn basic human skills so if they need a human job they can just apply for MCDonalds.

1.-Their racist ways towards Muggles-

No, they don’t do that. They don’t even bother to learn anything at all about our culture. They figure their way is ‘best,’ and the way they treat the ordinary humans in this travesty of a series is lukewarm at best, and condescending at its worst. Take, for example, the way they treat Muggles if they happen to see wizards. They simply wipe their minds of them without any second questions. Oh, there’s a psychopathic warlord of evil on the loose and he could come after humans, too? Just let them not have any knowledge of it at all and let them die. Their lives are expendable. This means if the Wizarding World is thrown out of their own society by Voldemort, they’re screwed. Try rooting for Voldemort, at least he has some knowledge of Muggles.

Oh, and if you thought the Dursleys were bad, look at it from their point of view. Petunia’s sister dies and doesn’t even bother to leave her a note-much less explain to her what happened. Dumbleass has Harry and decides, without considering that maybe magical parents would be better suited than those who hate wizards, and decides to just ditch a baby on someone’s doorstep. He doesn’t bother to meet with them in person and explain anything. He just decides to leave Harry there, and he’s honestly stupid enough to believe being forced to take care of a child will endear them to him.

2. Their lack of modern technology. There is no excuse for Rowling to not include modern technology. So they have owls….what else? Can they use the telephone or email to keep in touch with their muggle parents and let them know how they’re doing? No….instead they don’t use technology….because the wizards have their heads so far up their asses that they again think anything used by ‘Muggles is worthless.’ Yeah, the parents can’t even know what their freaking children are up to or what they’re learning. They’re kept in the dark about everything.

3. Their mob mentality is horrifyingly similar to a dictatorship.

The Ministry of Magic rules over everything, from the freaking newspapers to the freaking school. They can watch your use of magic at any time and anywhere, and you’re watched every time you use magic. You can be fined for using magic to defend yourself against soul-sucking monsters, you can be in big trouble if you happen to sympathize with Muggles or their plight, and the newspapers can lie all they want to about everything and no one bats an eye. There’s no freedom of the press, there’s no freedom of speech…hell, just because the protagonist says Voldemort, everyone censors him, as if saying a name is a horrible offense.

Not only that, the WW gangs up on everyone who is different from them. If Harry Potter voices his opinion, he’s silenced and forced to obey the crowd and join the brainwashing.

4. Finally, the vow of Secrecy is absurd.

Muggles aren’t stupid. Eventually they’re gonna discover that there’s a secret cult-er, society operating under their noses and wiping their memories. What would your reaction be? I’ll bet you would be furious that this society thinks of you, an ordinary human, as being less than they are and not allowed to know anything. Even the fucking Prime minister of England can’t tell anyone about Voldemort being on the loose. He can’t warn them about Death eaters, he can’t do shit because of this fucking retarded rule. Also, the wizards are such idiots that they don’t even realize how useless a wand is in attacks. You get the wand thrown out of your hand, you lose. Muggles have….snipers, drone airplanes, atomic bombs, nuclear missiles, tear gas, grenades, suicide bombers, AK-47s, rifles, machine guns, artillery, submarines, the Navy, tanks, and surveillance on radar and airplanes and cameras. Not only that, they can identify who you are simply with cameras and take pictures of your face.

If drones dropped bombs over Voldemort’s hideout, the Death Eaters are toast. Nothing can stop an atomic bomb that annihilates everything in its path, nothing. Everything and everyone gets vaporized in a second before you can even react. It’s hard to believe that such terrifying weapons exist, but it’s the truth. You just drop nuclear missiles, and some of these babies can go at 15,000 miles per hour. Yeah, you can’t whip out your magic stick and chant a spell to deflect it….he’d be history in an instant. If the Muggles declared war against this hypocritical society that treats them like trash, we’d win without a doubt. We’ve got advanced technology, knowledge of our enemies, and we’re physically stronger. A Muggle battling a wizard if they knock their wands aside….the wizard is toast…there’s no defense classes taught against physical assault…you’re history if you run into a Muggle and lose your wand.

-Hogwarts is a terrible school-

1. They don’t let the parents know what their kids are doing

Could you imagine a more horrifying set-up than this? Your child goes off to a magical school for seven years and then when they come back to you Muggles, they can’t tell you what they learned, how they learned it, and you don’t get a report card and you can’t meet with the teachers to see how your child is doing. You’re physically and emotionally isolated from your children for seven years.

Yeah, when Muggle children go to school, they’re away from you for five days a week, seven or eight hours a day, but they come the hell back from school and you actually know what your freaking kids are doing every day due to them telling you and the teachers keep in touch. There’s Parent Teacher night where the parents meet the teachers, discuss how their child is doing with them, and discuss what they’re learning and if there are any problems going on.

Not so with Hogwarts. You can’t come see your child if you’re a Muggle. You can’t come wish them a good school year because Muggles aren’t allowed to see the magical train. You aren’t allowed to go buy them books, so they have to go by themselves (a frightening aspect in and of itself for parents) and if they get bullied, abused at school or molested, or attacked by monsters, they can’t tell you. You won’t be able to help them at all.

2. The school is completely incompetent at keeping its students safe

This school is about as safe to be in as a school in the Middle East. Every year, a teacher either loses his or her position, has a mental illness, is insane or is working for the bad guy and monsters attack all the time, and the teachers do nothing to keep the kids safe. Hermione, Ron and Harry can waltz off at any moment and kill a monster like the troll in Book 1 and they won’t be in trouble for it. They’ll get rewarded, despite the fact that they don’t know what they’re doing, are just kids who are beginners at magic, and shouldn’t be out anyway.

Oh, and did we mention that nearly every year, some of the student population either gets petrified, murdered, or otherwise traumatized and the staff has a horrible way of dealing with these problems? Cedric Diggory in the tournament gets murdered, and despite all these risks, the magical barriers, charms and secret passageways aren’t enough, they don’t bother to host guards around the clock at the school (or else they have soul-sucking ones.)

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Everyone knows these guards are the best at protecting children. Despite their threatening demeanor, they’re actually quite tame. What could possibly go wrong?

Not only that, the teachers don’t bother to do weapon checks (you know, with all the killing going on, you think they would have a security system and require students and staff to be screened in case they have weapons or deadly spells on hand) and they don’t. The teachers also are stupid and don’t question things like bullying and things like being injured on the field or having your soul nearly sucked out don’t matter.

3. The subjects are completely limiting

You can take a number of courses, such as…..Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Defense against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Magical Runes, Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ghoul Studies, Alchemy, and….Botany….what the hell?

Since when did Divination make any goddamned sense? It’s basically cheap parlor tricks and typical chicanery that New-Age ‘spiritualists,’ and ‘astrologers’ use to swindle their customers into believing bogus baloney. Yet these children are taught to accept signs of ‘reading your tea’ and if it changes colors, something bad will happen as absolute fact. There’s no questioning of this nonsense. The children just accept it as 100% genuine and absorb it like the brain-dead sponges they are.

Ghoul Studies….alchemy, Magical Creatures, Transfiguration….how the hell will that help these kids out in the real world? Oh, look, you can turn a mouse into a teacup. That’s sure to win over your boss in a job interview and your job will surely last if you bring your pet griffon to a business meeting for show and tell. You’re sure to astound your superiors at a job meeting when you give a powerpoint presentation about ghosts and how they live. You won’t be fired.

What these kids need to learn are real, important subjects, like math, reading, writing, English, History of the Muggle world and most importantly, science and technology. If they don’t know about bacteria and viruses and what they do to the human body, once they come out into our world, they’re screwed. They’re gonna die of a little cold if they don’t know what it is, how it came to be, or how to treat it. I’ll bet you wizards die of treatable ailments because they still believe in herbal crap solving ‘non-threatening’ things like cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.

Oh, and how are they gonna learn how to drive a car, ride a bike or obey traffic signs? How are they going to pay in dollar bills when they go out to eat food? How are they going to cook for themselves when their magic makes food for them? Fred and George even tell Harry it’s ‘pointless’ to cut food with real utensils, because magic can solve all their problems for them instantly. They won’t know how to pay their bills, how to pay their taxes, how to clean up vomit, and how to do anything practical because they’ll still be relying on their wands.

4. The teachers suck.

What kind of wonderful teachers do they have here? Let’s see.

A sociopathic teacher who bullies the weaker students and never bothers to help the other students, and practices favoritism for his one ‘house.’ He bullies children and psychologically abuses them and gets away with it. He also torments Harry and gets away with it.

…..A dwarf who can’t stand up properly and is as dumb as a potato….a toad who gives the class elementary school books to read, a talking ghost who only talks about goblins, a crackpot who believes her prophecies come true and whose fashion tendencies put Al Yankovic to shame, a narcissist who was a fraudulent idiot, and an imposter who turned a student into a ferret and abused him.

You can safely expect the teachers to look the other way when bullying is committed.

5. The racism and prejudice of the Hogwarts houses.

Students here are not all placed in one grade. Instead they’re segregated-*cough divided* into separate ‘houses,’ based on what a talking hat tells them they’re good at. They’re not even allowed to select a place for themselves. You’ve got four houses, each segregated from the rest, each sleeping and eating in different areas, and each believing the other is better than the rest of them.

There’s the place for the brave but stupid jocks, Gryffindor, the place for the nerds and smart people, Ravenclaw, the house for the ‘evil’ people, Slytherin, and the boring, uninteresting Hufflepuffs. What makes this terrible is that the prejudice and racism in this is easily seen. The Slytherin house is almost always seen as the house for bad guys, despite the obvious fact that being in a ‘house’ does not determine one being good or evil. Yet Harry’s choice to join Gryffindor and only talk to Gryffindors and only speak to them is seen as the right thing. The other houses must be too stupid to comprehend the Gryffindors.

Oh, and the rivalry between fellow houses is perfectly okay, and favoritism is allowed. If you’re a Slytherin, expect to be treated like crap because the school hates you. Now you know why Hogwarts sucks. Take some common sense pills and move out of this shithole and go on to another school.