For some reason, I thought I’d deleted this review. I guess I did, but I just moved some others onto my computer, under Documents, for some strange reason, I don’t know why, either. I think I might just have to redo the first five on this list, which are Pokemon, Digimon Zero Two, Yugioh, Dragonball Gt, and Naruto. But allow me to just explain what I’m saying: I do NOT own any of the eighteen shows that are going to be reviewed, all of those shows belong to their original owners, DBZ belongs to Funimation and Akira Toriyama. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and Viz, Elfen Lied belongs to Lynn Okamoto, Black Butler belongs to Yana Toboso. I am not, in any way, shape or form, making a profit off of this. Under the fair use doctrine, reviews are allowed for educational, for legal purposes, and for entertainment.

Note to self: I just wanted to say something as a copyright thing cos that’s probably the mature thing to say. Well, this is my first time writing up a new blog post in a while-and one that’s going to be transferred to Tumblr as well. Let’s just say I got sick and tired of no feedback on Deviantart and decided to move back here. I have been enamored with Tumblr ever since, because this website beats DA in several ways. The Tumblr users are much nicer than DA reviewers, I’ve gotten nasty reviews there before.

So I decided to come here. Let me just say a few warnings beforehand; the anime on this list ARE the worst ones I’ve ever watched. Now for some of you out there, these might happen to be your favorite anime, some of these shows I’m gonna discuss are very mainstream, and thus some of you reading this might become offended. But do not attack me and do not insult me, because this is merely my opinion.

There are several kinds of anime that I don’t like: this takes the shape of various forms, like:

1. I’m not interested in them. I’ll watch them, try to, but it just didn’t engage me, the plot was too slow-moving, or boring, or things were too hard to understand or the characters were weak, but I will say you can enjoy these shows. I’m just not interested in them.

2. I watched them and they were so bad I couldn’t watch any more than a few episodes and felt like puking. Sorry, but I’m going to be rather blunt on here. I don’t sugar-coat things when it comes to my reviews. I tell it like it is to me.

3. I watched them or read them and felt like I died inside. But that doesn’t mean others can’t read and enjoy them, I just don’t like them. And that also does not mean I won’t roleplay with people who play these characters, because I will. I have nothing against the people who roleplay these characters, I just don’t like the show itself. I would like it if you respect my opinions about shows-and then I’ll respect yours as well.

Hello, I assume you know me from my previous blog posts-this is Shirotantei, or the one who calls herself Lacie. Now that I’ve gotten all the complicated shit out of the way, and this is a review I haven’t done in a while, so anyway….I imagine a lot of us on WordPress and Tumblr do like anime, but not everyone likes anime, we’ve gotta remember that general rule when we roleplay, there are others who don’t like anime, there are immature idiots who like to pick on those who don’t like anime, and then there are those who aren’t interested.

And, anime fans, I believe there’s a fine line between being an anime fan and being a weeaboo. And I certainly do not want to cross the line. This is my opinion but I don’t want to be flamed. I want you to set your judgment aside before you review this and not try to gorily kill the critic for her opinion. Anyway, what is anime? For those not in the know, it is animation made in Japan or in other places, which tries to tell a story, with elaborate artwork, a continuing storyline, and 2-D drawings of characters. Most notable are the spiky hair, big eyes, exaggerated emotion faces like the sweatdrops, blushes, nosebleeds, and the angry faces which have taken their place in the emoticons (many of which are inspired and used by fans of anime) and generally have become part of American culture whether some people like it or not.

It’s a different way of telling a story, like my father once said. Unfortunately, not every anime that comes out of Japan is good. We have the NSFW ones, and we know how I feel about them-I hate those kinds of works-therefore, no disgusting stuff like that will be covered, except for a disgusting one which warrants a mention by how bad it is.

Now, what exactly classifies as a bad series? Does it have to be something so terrible that it’s ranked on the Bottom 100 list on animenewsnetwork.com? Maybe it’s a show that started out good, but lost steam over time and instead became a trainwreck, the same can be said of many mainstream series, anime or not. Maybe the main characters have made the show terrible, and you just can’t stand watching them, which is the case with a few others, or maybe they weren’t faithful to the original material.

Now I’ve said before that I dislike people who whine and complain about faithfulness to the script. 100% adhering to the canon plot is annoying, but not being faithful to the script in any way, shape, or form, is not good, either. Where shall we begin? I have ventured down into the depths of anime hell in order to bring you back these monstrosities, these shows that were SO bad that I just COULD not watch them to their fullest, they were just so dumb, so stupid….either way, I didn’t like any of these. Keep in mind many of these might BE shows you love. If so, exit this page right now-wait, on second thought, I don’t care if you’re butthurt-just be mature on my page, please.

So number one is…..

1. Pokemon.

How many of us remember watching Pokemon as kids? We watched Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu throughout their journeys, in the Orange Islands, in the Indigo League, we watched Ash Ketchum get his Bulbasaur, his Squirtle, whatever, battle Team Rocket as they try to capture Pikachu and fail. We remember the fun times we had with that, right? We’d play Pokemon at school, trade them to different versions, there are at least six generations now, along with the side games of Mystery Dungeon, innumerable games for many other platforms, and I am proud to call myself a Pokemon nerd.

I own the plushies, some toys, t-shirts, posters, a lot of novelizations, some manga, some of the anime episodes, some of the movies, and most notably the games. I am not afraid to say that I have most of them (I have saved you the torment of having to listen to my fangirling, thank you very much)

Well, let’s just say that probably everyone’s heard of Pokemon. It was really big back in 1999, and it, along with Digimon, Sailor Moon, DBZ, and Toonami in general, helped to popularize anime and help it become more well-known in the eyes of U.S. audiences. However, some things aren’t so good now that we look back on them and I think a lot of us have what TV Tropes calls a Nostalgia Filter, in other words, as time goes by, we kinda forget the flaws of a TV show. We tend to glorify the TV shows of our past, we like to pretend there’s nothing wrong with them (and even when there is) we like to pretend that it never has the flaw to begin with. So what exactly is wrong with Pokemon? Well, the video games are excellent, they have a good storyline for all ages, good music, good morals, and overall they have a very good and engaging plot.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the anime of the same name. While the Pokemon adventures manga is fairly interesting and takes a divergent path, the anime is pretty much formulaic. Actually, I read on TV Tropes that the formulaic plot was never intended to be that way. I don’t know. I remember as a kid I idolized Ash. I thought he was such a great trainer and wanted to be like him. I loved Ash, Misty and Brock, and I have their figures. But now that I look back at it, my god….how terrible it is! Why? Well, first, let’s take a look at the amount of research 4kids put into it before they dubbed it: they put barely ANY effort to it at all.

For example, they call a Pidgeot Pidgeotto, which (you think they would understand that since different pokemon evolve and acquire different names and understand that), they call Arcanine Growlithe. But some of the major ones are worse, like the scene where Pikachu defies the law of Pokemon and manages to K.O. a Ground-Rock type with an Electric attack, despite the fact that it should have no effect.

Oddly enough for some reason, Rock Type moves are SUPER effective against Electric Types in the first generation. Anyone else remember those weird things? I remember that for some reason, Poison Types were weak to Bugs. It’s just kinda strange.

The thing is that….with these large glaring holes, like for example, Brock once says that ‘All of Ash’s Pokemon are Water Types and they’re weak to Fire Type moves.’

Me: What? Phanpy is a fucking ground type. If you think every blue Pokemon is a Water type, then you’re fucking stupid. Oh, Minun must be a Water Type because it’s blue and yellow! Nope, it’s an electric type, idiot. Pokemon does not discriminate based on color. Not every red Pokemon is a Fire Type, just as not every yellow Pokemon is an Electric Type. Second, Phanpy is not affected by Fire Type moves. Totodile is Water, Phanpy is Ground and the two are resistant to Fire Types, they’re not affected by that. And you have to be plain crazy to have the reasoning that Water is WEAK to Fire. Go back to school.

Here are the bad things about this series.

1.The voice acting is terrible. No one took their roles seriously and over-emote and it’s just bad.

2.The dub changes things from Japanese to English, by changing tea to lemonade, or rice balls to donuts, despite the fact that rice ball in Ash’s hands looks nothing remotely like a freaking donut. That, my friends, is called Bowdlerization and it’s pretty, pretty stupid. Now I understand removing the episodes with guns pointed at people because of violence.

But nothing more can be said about my ire for this series than its unfaithfulness to the game, and for how many times Ash does not follow normal Pokemon logic. Ash Ketchum is, without a doubt, the worst Pokemon trainer ever. First, he doesn’t evolve his Pokemon at all, which puts him at a clear disadvantage against other trainers who level up their pokemon and evolve them. It makes them weak.

2.He always makes dumbass decisions.

Despite the fact that he’s been a trainer for god-knows-how-many-years, he has no understanding of Pokemon at all. He should know by now, like in the first season, he was just a growing kid, but he is a dumbass to the highest order, because he can’t do anything right. He always makes some kind of stupid mistake; Ash’s Pikachu is overpowered and destroys every single Pokemon. The worst part is that the plot is as good as tissue paper.

It’s always the same damned thing every time: Ash and friends are wandering around, they encounter a Pokemon and its trainer, Ash battles and then loses. And then Team Rocket shows up and captures Pikachu and the other Pokemon. So Ash uses his other Pokemon to kick Team Rocket’s ass. Rinse and repeat. That is how every single fucking episode of this 700+ anime show has gone. I am not kidding here.

There is a difference between sticking to a formula and sticking to a formula and not changing anything to the point where it becomes ABSURD. It is absurd to the point where anyone over a certain age who watches it feels like vomiting. What dumbass would make a kids’ show so bad that even adults can’t watch it with their kids without feeling like they want to puke? I don’t understand. Going back and watching this show now is like a trip into hell.

But you know, the worst of it has to be Ash himself. Not only is he a stupid trainer, but the series is surprisingly pessimistic. Because I remember Ash going to the Indigo League, and I got really psyched, because I thought he was going to win. And then a bunch of convenient shit happens to make him lose.

First Team Rocket shows up to make him late and no one believes his excuse despite the fact that Ash has been attacked by them for god knows how long now. Then Ash battles against a kid who has a Butterfree, Charmander, and Pikachu, all very similar to Ash’s Pokemon. And he wins, conveniently, leaving poor Ash heartbroken. And none of his friends believe him. They all turn their backs on him. And Ash would have the ASPCA on his ass for how many times he abandons Pokemon. He catches Pokemon, befriends them and then ditches them at Professor Oak’s. That’s neglect. That’s illegal.

And every time-it’s really a depressing moral-to teach kids because any time Ash even dreams about going to the Pokemon League, God is like ‘fuck you’ and crushes his dreams in front of his face. It is so freaking annoying and pathetic that writers would sink to something that low. Now I’d understand completely if it was like the games, where you win some, you lose some. But Ash loses ALL the time, to the point where it’s absurd. He’s been a trainer for 16 plus years and he still can’t win a fight to save his life? That’s not fair, the writers are just being assholes for no good reason.

And because of that, Ash is a sucky character. What kind of kid wants to be a trainer who uses the wrong Pokemon, loses all the time and is just an idiot? I know he’s kind and what not, but there’s a difference between being an idiot hero who’s nice and just plain dumb, and everyone in this show is just plain stupid. This show is just….tarnishing the name of Pokemon. There’s nothing good about this.

BAWWW, WHY CAN'T I BE A GREAT TRAINER, WRITERS? I JUST WANNA MAKE MY MOM PROUD, BUT YOU MAKE ME LOSE ALL THE TIME AND HAVE SUCKY POKEMON. SCREW YOU. SCREW YOU.

BAWWW, WHY CAN’T I BE A GREAT TRAINER, WRITERS? I JUST WANNA MAKE MY MOM PROUD, BUT YOU MAKE ME LOSE ALL THE TIME AND HAVE SUCKY POKEMON. SCREW YOU. SCREW YOU.

Honestly, guys, it pains me to review this, because Pokemon was my childhood, I used to worship it and now I look at it and realize it’s a piece of shit. So why is it the worst anime ever? First, it’s what most people think of when they think of anime; introduce them to something else, like the games, or Mystery Dungeon, even Explorers of Time isn’t as cruel to you as this series is to Ash. And that’s saying a lot, because in that game you’re slaves to a Guild that steals most of your money.

This show sucks and the video games are far superior. This show ruined itself. It’s just gone on for far too long.

Now, next on the list of shows that will certainly have me burning in hell is…Digimon.

2. Digimon Zero Two.

Digimon and Pokemon are frequently pitted against each other. There are at least five different series, I know I watched four out of five of them and I didn’t like Data Squad. I really liked Tamers, I really liked the idea of Digimon having a complex plot and the bonds between the trainers and the Digimon. My fave is Frontier, which I loved. I loved the idea of humans becoming one with Digimon. It was awesome. I used to watch all of them on Jetix. But I especially loved Frontier; the characters were well-developed, it was a breath of fresh air, but apparently people didn’t like that for some reason. Sigh….

The one I will be covering is probably one of the most overrated, Digimon Two. Don’t get me wrong, Digimon Adventures one is the one that started everything, however it did suffer from repetitiveness. But overall, it was a pretty good series. But this series gets a zero in my book. Why? Because it makes a mistake that a lot of shows do when starting anew, for some reason the writers of the show decided that the old characters weren’t good enough anymore. That they needed to be shoved to the side for a bunch of characters we’re given no time to relate with. Pretty much, they’re just shallow replacements for the originals. I liked T.K. better as a character. And Davis is a pain in the ass who never shuts up. The plot for this show makes no sense.

I thought the first Digidestined were the only ones who can wield their digivices. But why would you shove them aside? The only thing is that they’re not adults yet, they’re still in junior high, and high school, and yet they can’t be main leads. What kind of reasoning is that? In most anime series, most of the characters that are around that age are active in the plot. Madoka is 14, she’s a fucking magical girl. Kyubey didn’t walk up to her and say, ‘Oh you’re 14. You can’t be a magical girl.’

How on earth can you make that statement when most anime has characters around the ages of junior high and high school doing shit? They don’t sit out because they’re ‘too old.’ That’s just unfair and stupid. It’s just a bullshit excuse to have the Mary Sue characters come in and fill the shoes of canon characters who were already good enough to begin with. The villains are awful. The digimon Emperor is terrible, they have a fucking mummy as a villain.

And don’t forget the terribad ending with all their children having digimon. It’s so stupid. Ugh, and that show just makes me sick. It’s like the bad fanfiction where they throw out the old canon series. And that’s why that show deserves to be in hell, no it already is hell, stay away from it!

3. Dragon Ball GT

Dragon Ball brought Shonen to life. We have a lot to thank DB and DBZ for-for bringing us good characters, good fights, and it inspired all the other copycats out there-like Naruto, One Piece, etc. And Bleach. Technically speaking, the other one I’m discussing is one that tries to imitate DBZ’s spirit and fails. It’s not the show’s fault, it’s just the fault of a certain character.

So, what do we say? Well, DBGT wasn’t made by Akira Toriyama, so as much as we fans like to pretend it doesn’t exist, it does, and boy it has more DC-bullshit along the lines of Goku gets shrunk for no reason. And everyone likes to pretend it doesn’t exist-which I can sympathize with. I got this as a kid, on VHS, and I was so excited, saw it once, never watched it again. As a little kid, I could tell what was bad and what wasn’t.

*Looks over at Pokemon.* Okay, maybe not. But even as a little kid, I could tell what was good Dragon Ball Z stuff and what wasn’t. Like I like DB, but I like DBZ better. I liked the Dragonballs, but I didn’t like the goofy nature of it or how they were just meandering with the plot and Emperor Pilaf made it terrible, and worst of all ARE the changes brought about in the characters. Let me ask you something-how the fuck can you take a great character like this-

Gohan originally

This is Gohan at his best and most badass in the series.

And then turn him into this mollycoddled, watered down piece of shit here? How? How can you bastardize a great character like Gohan? THIS is what Adult Gohan should look like:

Gohan badass

Adult Gohan as he should be, a badass, training hard and studying but still kicking ass and not forgetting his Saiyan lineage. While still sticking true to his pacifistic nature.

How does he go from someone that awesome, who fights even after losing a fucking arm to two crazy androids and dies, fighting, into a pussified husband who wears GLASSES (WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THIS SHIT? SAIYANS HAVE PERFECT VISION. THEY’RE NOT HUMAN, THEY DON’T NEED FUCKING GLASSES. DID YOU FORGET THAT THEY’RE ALIENS WHOSE VISION, SENSE OF SMELL, AND SOUND IS MUCH BETTER THAN OURS? HUH, SCRIPT WRITERS? Here’s what this pathetic replacement who is in no way related to canon Gohan looks like:

The evil abominations from the hellhole this hellspawn produced. That in no way shape or form is the badass little kid, Super Saiyan, Mystic Gohan I grew up with. WTF? This is what happens when Chichi is allowed to ruin her son's life: he becomes a freaking shut-in. God help us all....

The evil abominations from the hellhole this hellspawn produced. That is in no way, shape, or form the badass little kid, Super Saiyan, Mystic Gohan I grew up with. WTF? This is what happens when Chichi is allowed to ruin her son’s life: he becomes a freaking shut-in. God help us all….

And Videl, Videl isn’t spared from this awfulness, too. Look, Goku didn’t lose his eyesight and become an idiot who wouldn’t fight. Being a husband doesn’t mean you stop fighting and throw your hands up in the air. Once a Saiyan, always a Saiyan, dammit! Do you see Vegeta wearing glasses reading the evening paper? Fuck no, cause he points it out to Gohan himself in Buu Saga that he started to suck once he stopped training.

But there’s another unfortunate victim who suffers from this: the cute, sweet adorable Chibi Trunks:

Just as badass as his future self, right? RIGHT?

Just as badass as his future self, right? RIGHT?

But unfortunately, instead of becoming this hot, handsome, sexy time traveler who kicks ass and isn’t afraid to while being soft-spoken, gentle, and brave beyond compare-

This is what Chibi should look like. He shouldn't be a complete replica of Mirai, but he should at least have his Father's attitude and be a kind and strong warrior.

This is what Chibi should look like. He shouldn’t be a complete replica of Mirai, but he should at least have his Father’s attitude and be a kind and strong warrior.

But nope, instead we get this turd who dares go by the name Trunks: Again, he’s in a business suit. A SAIYAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT? WTF? AND WHY DOES HE NEED GLASSES, TOO? wHAT THE HELL IS THIS MADNESS? http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.templeotrunks.com%2Fimages%2Fscreencaps%2Fgt_ep02.html&ei=WnhlVK_fMIujNtyJgpgI&bvm=bv.79142246,d.cWc&psig=AFQjCNEdl0LlTkitrJjaI82JfQirETSkJQ&ust=1416022486940615

Overall, just avoid this steaming pile of shit that dares to go by the name of Dragonball. It’s terrible.

4. Yugioh.

Pretty much all this show is is an advertising vehicle. That’s all it is. Sure, there are some good moral messages. But most of the time, the characters stand around saying shit to each other and summoning imaginary monsters. In DBZ, you could see them punching each other. At least with Pokemon, they’re real. And Yugioh is worse cause they’re just cards.

I tried to read the manga and it was just bad. I just didn’t like it. For some reason as a kid, I liked it. I do adore the Yugioh Abridged Series. I just dislike it now. There’s a certain age range, and then afterwards, you don’t like it anymore. Keep in mind that MLP has more of a story than Pokemon, in my opinion. But if a show about catching and training Pokemon has less creativity to it than a show about six girly ponies with magic, then you’ve got issues.

5.Naruto

Now this show has just ended, and it is so overhyped, that I imagine I might be attacked by some people for not liking it. This is a show I used to like, used to worship with all my soul until I realized how terrible it was. It had a great premise, sure, but too many flashbacks, too much filler and this anime is one that has just ended: Naruto.

Now, several years ago, Naruto was full of Narutards who claimed that it was the best show ever, it was seen as the gateway to anime, but…for the longest time I thought it was going to be great. This surely can be a good series with good, well-written characters? Unfortunately, the answer is no. The series started out great, and the dub was good. They pronounce things pretty well. The chakra thing was cool.

But if you wanna know my main reason for hating Naruto, the plot pretty much went to hell…..because of a character…a character named Naruto Uzumaki.

Have you ever known someone who makes claims, claims of being great and powerful? And that they think they’re the greatest person in the world and that no one can dare make fun of them or else, because they’re so great and powerful? Of course, everyone knows this guy; they all know he’s some kind of person who likes to pretend to be someone he isn’t-they all know he’s a person who is very much a dreamer, who does not have his eyes set in the real world-but you guys like him nonetheless, but he’s a nice guy and you consider him a friend-but at the same time, his egotism is a big nuisance.

I’m sure you know people like that. We all do. I used to know a guy who was really nice, but he talked all the time and he very much considered himself to be so important that he thought everyone always wanted to hear what he had to say-even when it wasn’t true. So, what am I getting at?

Now, naming a show after a main character isn’t necessarily a BAD thing; I mean FMA is named after Edward Elric, because that’s his title, and Madoka Magica is named after Madoka because she’s a Magical Girl. But….the main problem is….that when you read a series about a group of characters, you don’t expect EVERYTHING to fucking center around the main character. And when I say everything centers around Naruto, I say it does. But especially because it’s from his viewpoint-and that’s the main problem there.

This is why I’m more into writing third-person perspective, because I can get a better grasp of all the characters, not just one, which I believe was Naruto’s biggest flaw. Because the author chose to focus on the views of just one character, everything was so limited and it dragged back from the potential that this anime had. Now, who is this guy?

Naruto is pretty much the cliched lonely orphan boy who wants to fit in somewhere; he’s pretty much the loser we’ve all been at some point in our lives, he has a fox demon sealed inside him and that’s why the villagers hate and fear him. Now, what you’d expect of Naruto being ignored and being the butt of jokes by his classmates, that you’d expect he does something to change what they think of him-but first, we don’t know his personality. What is his personality like at the beginning of the show, you ask?

He’s loud, he’s obnoxious, he paints graffiti all over the face of the Hokage monument (which is something he’s supposed to idolize, lol) he’s pretentious, he likes to think he’s so much better than everyone else. In other words, he’s a windbag, like most young kids are, but he takes it to even higher degrees. In other words, he’s kinda full of nonsense. It’s kinda what One Piece would have been like if Usopp had been the protagonist.

Fortunately, we have Luffy.

But the main problem with this is that Naruto, from the beginning of the series, is somewhat relatable, but if you want to achieve respect; do not do it the way Naruto does. He does it the entirely wrong way, because Naruto fails to realize that the entire world does not revolve around him. Probably about half of the series that made it or broke it for me (in my opinion, remember) was of this moron whining and moaning about everything, whining about when things wouldn’t go his way, whining about when he was put with people he didn’t like. So what? The world doesn’t revolve around you, Mr. Egotist, get over it, please!

And people say that Sasuke is egotistical, I just have to laugh, because both of them are messed-up, but Naruto wants to be in a position where everyone will have no choice but to respect him and his obnoxiousness-by being the leader of the village, to the point where he can make everyone believe everything he says. Now isn’t this a scary idea? At a young age, he already has a delusional view of himself and he thinks that everyone else should be just like him, and that’s what makes me think of Naruto as a borderline sociopath-or someone with a very grand view of themselves.

Because, you see, Naruto only cares about himself. For example, he likes Sakura, but he doesn’t care about her choosing to like another guy. But my main problem with Naruto was that he acts like such an obnoxious jackass towards everyone else that you just can’t sympathize with him. Not whenever he’s being so rude to teachers, classmates….he wants to be a great ninja, yet he does nothing but sleep or play pranks and do absolutely no learning at all. Then tell me how the hell he plans to be a ninja if he just goofs off all the time?

It’s downright pathetic. Now at the beginning of the series, I tried to be a little lenient, figuring that since Naruto was a little kid, he was gonna be self-centered and thought later on, ‘That surely he can’t be as egotistical as he says he is.” And as the series went on, I was very much mistaken. Because while Naruto has a cast of colorful characters, somehow, (because Naruto is the title of the freaking show) the author feels the need to outstage every other character just for this Marty Stu to outshine them. Now, it wouldn’t be so bad if he was allowed to fail every once in a while. But…nope.

Sasuke vs. Haku? Naruto has to beat him, because apparently he’s the main lead, so it’s up to him! Now if you’re saying Naruto’s a courageous guy, yes, he is, but he’s also very self-centered, just like Sasuke. He’s obsessed with chasing after a guy who has clearly made it out that he doesn’t want to be his friend anymore and is sick and tired of his stalking tendencies. His selfishness knows no bounds.

Probably one of the worst examples of this is where Rock Lee is determined to defeat both Gaara and  Neji. That’s been Rock Lee’s dream far longer than it has been Naruto’s. So we see a chance for Lee to recover and defeat Neji, because that’s been his dream, right? Nope. Naruto has to step in and do it, completely crushing Lee’s hopes and dreams, because screw Lee, everything’s all about Naruto!

Naruto tries to fight Itachi, because not only are they after him (because apparently screw the fact that my best friend has been through a lot of mental pain and emotional trauma, fuck the fact that he’s my best friend and that he wants to kill this guy, I’m going to because I only care about myself!)

You know, in the beginning, they allowed Naruto to make mistakes, and I was glad about that, but as the series went on….. I never could say anything like this before because I had a friend who was obsessed with Naruto and I was afraid of saying how I really felt because I was afraid she’d never accept me.

But it really, really bewildered me when I read that Naruto kept on getting techniques and powers, despite doing nothing to achieve them. And it just baffled me when I went to Naruto Shippuden and Naruto is still the same old, same old, only his egotism has jumped up a few notches, and every character he runs across bows down to his shit and they’re all praising him.

Now, another problem I have with Naruto is he doesn’t back up his claims, and he’s pretty intolerant of other peoples’ beliefs. Neji explains to Naruto exactly how his belief system in his clan works. It may be harsh, but that’s how his belief system works, and he can stick to it. Naruto, being the jackass that he is, doesn’t realize the importance of stuff and just decides to completely disrespect what he believes. If you think someone else’s beliefs are ‘barbaric’, that is your opinion, just as it is my opinion that I do not like Naruto.

Though the kind of person he is-forcing his beliefs down others’ throats-is not a good trait to possess, it’d be better if more people reprimanded him for this. Probably the worst part of this is when Kakashi (his teacher) is lamenting over Obito being Tobi, thinking what could I have done to make the situation better? And then Naruto barges in, doesn’t offer a word of consolation to him, instead screams how he’s going to be Hokage, and that’s it; because apparently your dreams matter far more than Kakashi’s grief. Heaven help us!

And at the beginning of the series, there were people who held him in line, but now his ego’s as big as the Goodyear Blimp, and since he’s the main character, what he says goes. And apparently the main law of anime is that main leads are exempt from criticism, which I disagree with. You know, Naruto should not just be about Naruto, he’s not the only freaking ninja in there-there’s Konohamaru, Sakura, Sasuke, Lee, all these others that had so much promise-and yet Kishimoto never bothered to use any of them. And now the show is dead.

And I’m pretty sure everyone’s worshipping Naruto saying what a great character he is, while I sit here facepalming and wondering if I’m the only anime fan who doesn’t adore Naruto. What I’m saying is, if you have a potential Gary Stu or Mary Sue as the lead, you might as well give them some flaws and make sure that the main plot doesn’t have to be always about them. Avatar the Last Airbender is about Aang; but it’s about a bunch of other characters, too and the show doesn’t forget that. It’s about Zuko, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Suki; it does not forget about the others. Their stories are just as important as the hero’s.

What’s a series that I think did a MUCH better job of developing a cheery blond-haired boy? Pandora Hearts; Oz at first is a bit like Naruto, egotistical, childish, happy, but the PH authoress knows how to write stories. She knows how to write each of the characters in a way so they’re all so multifaceted and you can’t help but love them. And the most important thing she never forgets-none of them ever outshine the others, they all have their own place and their own flaws, and none of them are better than the other.

Unfortunately, in the beginning Kishimoto was doing really well with this. He had stuff focused on Shikamaru, on Sasuke, on Itachi. He had everyone well-rounded, until Naruto Shippuden, where Naruto’s ego exploded. And then every other villain has to be defeated by Naruto, because no one else can possibly do the job but him, right? I think it’s a shame that Naruto wound up being so bad, but I’m glad it’s over because it was one of the most overrated shows on the face of the planet. I know there might be people who hate me for this, but I do not like a character that has no respect for anyone else.

A character does not need to state their goals every episode, like a broken record. Otherwise, you might be confusing a character with a puppet. Because even Oz’s ‘sin’, makes him more full of life than Naruto; because even though Oz is a rabbit doll, Oz has more personality and life to him than Naruto at the end does. Naruto had so much potential, I was expecting it to be a great show and instead what I got was all about this blond braggart starting a cult. And getting everyone else in on it.

And the ending was disappointing as well, because instead of Sakura getting OVER her feelings for Sasuke and marrying Naruto (not a Narusaku shipper, but they really WERE pointing toward their relationship, you know) they decided to end with Sakura marrying Sasuke, even though that ship sank a long time ago, and Naruto marrying Hinata. WTF? It’s like he didn’t pay attention to his script at all-oh, wait, fuck this shit. It’s terrible. It’s terrible.

Naruto isn’t the only anime out there. No words can express how much I tried to like this and failed. This show is just disappointing on so many levels. There are better anime out there, people. Please, look for them.

6. Elfen Lied

Sigh. Here’s another show I had high promise for, and it failed. It failed me terribly. I came into this show, thinking it would be like Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni, well-written, full of good characters, maybe even suspenseful like Mirai Nikki or good like Madoka. I was wrong on so many levels. The name of this terrible sucker and most disgustingly depraved show is Elfen Lied, folks. Elfen Lied.

There is a great reviewer on Amazon who has described this series as being like if you baked a cake for someone, but it was really elephant dung and you decorated it with frosting on top and you tried to convince them that despite all the shit in the middle, it was good. Despite a few promising things, Elfen Lied just failed so much. The dub is terrible, none of the characters’ voices fit them. But I think the part it fails at most is the story. What the heck kind of story was it trying to tell?

Are all humans evil douches that deserve to die, and that Mary Sue girls with pink hair and horns deserve more rights over ordinary people? Was it trying to tell us of the pain of repressed memories, was it trying to tell us that every parent on earth is a jackass? Elfen Lied is totally mean-spirited, and I hate those kinds of works. I hate to sound like the Grinch, spoiling your fun, but I hate shows that are so misanthropic and cynical that they make every single person out to be a jackass. They make it sound like everyone’s out to get you, which isn’t true.

What does Higurashi teach us? Higu teaches us that violence is bad and results from miscommunication and hardship and we should all try harder and achieve a happy ending. And in the end, there are no more tragedies, everyone is truly happy. Higurashi does not deserve to be classed with stuff as lowbrow as Elfen Lied. You wanna know something Higu never did? It never had naked chicks for the sake of horror. This one does.

And the second it opens up, ELD decides that women are nothing more than objects to parade around naked, because apparently all the bad guys have to be women. Apparently the murderous females are just psychotic bitches because they’re just women. The main character is a Special Snowflake to the highest order, bullied, sees pet killed in front of her and then makes her first killing. And because of them, she hates every other person on earth and they all deserve to die. Now, despite how depraved and terrible that way of thinking is, once again this is another show that just completely goes nowhere. There are promising characters like Yuka, who has a crush on her cousin, but unlike another show that tackled that believably with a good relationship between the cousins-even with them being related.

Suguha is actually better-written, better-done and more dramatic. But maybe Yuka’s a bit more sympathetic AT FIRST. But then she becomes a total bitch, beating up on her cousin for no good reason. Oh, he has amnesia and can’t remember her? Act nasty and slap him for little things, and when he tries to be nice to an amnesiac girl, it gives you a free pass to be as nasty as possible. I hate Yuka. She’s totally useless in the plot, and does nothing but whine.

But compare that to your own brother being trapped in an online video game, in love with someone he doesn’t even know in real life, someone who started ignoring you because he didn’t think you were good enough to approach. Then he winds up being in the same game with you, you fall in love with him again, and he breaks your heart. That’s more sympathetic than some creepy chick beating up on a guy every time he does an innocuous deed and slapping him. And the problem is that ELD has this good buildup. I guess you can feel for some of the characters, like Mayu and Nana. You start to feel a little bit, and hope maybe Nana’s positive nature can make this show better! No, it doesn’t.

Lucy has no remorse for having murdered an innocent family. That’s not good, that’s horrifying. And sadly, even the mentally retarded stereotype that Nyuu is, pissing herself, groping people, taking baths with them, walking around naked…I wish this was a bad fanfiction. But no, Elfen Lied is real, it exists, you can buy this for yourself and watch it and shake your head, saying what were they thinking? This show is by far one of the most sexist, terrible things I’ve ever had to watch, and I regret watching.

Despite all that, I’m sick and tired of people praising it so much. But you wanna know how bad some of the ELD fans got? On TV Tropes, they said that the girl who murdered Kouta’s family shoulda killed more people. TV Tropes had to remove an Elfen Lied page because of immature fans.

Because doing this….

this…

and this makes you a great person…

You know, Lucy could just control her powers, and live a normal life. In other words, not be a murderous bitch who kills people to get in their houses when she could, you know, get adopted. Oz Vessalius gets adopted and controls his powers and turns out normal. Most of the X-men control their powers and become normal. Why can’t you….hmm?

And ordinary people are not just objects for aliens and monsters to destroy. I hate that stuff. The producers of the show make it sound like you have to have something wrong with you in order to be an individual who’s worthy of respect. Otherwise, you’re expendable. That’s a terrible message, just a terrible show.

Number 7 on list of terrible anime I’ve watched….there is….okay, drum roll…wait for it….

*sigh…*

This is turning out to be an exorbitantly long list, particularly because I remember all the animated abominations I’ve watched. I don’t know if someone’s coined that already. Hmm…..how about….

7. Hetalia Axis Powers

What can be said about this show? It’s not even twenty minutes long, it completely makes a joke out of history, it’s historically inaccurate, it’s racially offensive, and worst of all, it denies the Holocaust and makes light of war, something which I can never forgive. It’s terrible. I just hate it so much….just like Homestuck, I am sick and tired of hearing how great it is. It makes me want to throw up every time I hear how great it is. Every time I hear this thing mocking history, this thing that makes the loss of Anne Frank and her entire family minus her family, Miep Gies, all the people that suffered during Franco’s, Hitler’s, Stalin’s, and Mussolini’s rule….all these people who suffered under despots during history….to make their rulers who are such evil assholes and douches…to make them not psychotic mass murderers, and instead make them figures to laugh at…it isn’t just disrespectful, it’s downright terrible.

I read a person on Tumblr on Weeaboo horror stories about a girl who couldn’t invite her friend over to her house anymore because her friend made a Hetalia joke to her Jewish family that survived the holocaust. Naturally, they were offended, of course they were. Because every single country in this show is a stereotype. America is a lazy nation that does nothing and believes it’s the best, Japan, of course is innocent, and China is evil. Of course. Of courseeeee….

Italy is an idiot who only screams about pasta. I remember one time in my class in school, there was a student teacher who was Italian, and the kids mocked her in front of the teachers, asking questions like ‘are you in the mafia?’ or ‘do you only eat pizza and spaghetti?’ It was awful seeing such ignorance, and these shows only perpetuate such stereotypes. As a matter of fact, one of my mom’s friends started talking to me last Friday about how much he hates Italian stereotypes and he says they don’t always eat pasta, but they are good cooks, and they eat regular food like you and me. Now what would he say if he saw this offensive show?

You may consider it funny now, but what happens when real people see this show mocking their culture, mocking who they are, and making light of their history and the innocents who suffered? Revolutionary war is ridiculed as some small event, ignoring the soldiers who died. Even the Civil War and Hitler’s takeover of Lithuania and Poland is mocked. Hint, they didn’t do it for shits and giggles. It was a brutal takeover, where tons of people died. And this show makes no mention of death, even though they’re in the middle of war.

Just downright offensive. Just…don’t….

8….Soul Eater.

The animation is weird, the characters are weird…I just couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’m having second thoughts, but it was so many shades of ‘nope’ that I just didn’t like it. You’re free to like it if you want, but I don’t. This is a special number eight. The actual number eight is…

8.* Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji

Yet another example of me making a mistake of trying out the mainstream series when I know I’ll be disappointed. I mean, it had so much going for it. It’s the story of a young boy who has no parents and made a deal with the devil. I was expecting it to be a masterpiece like Pandora Hearts, with some good Victorian drama, romance, fantasy and a bit of history thrown in, but again like Dark Shadows, it turns out to be….ugh. Having to remember reading through it is just horrifying.

The only characters that are of any interest to me besides the butler and the main character, Ciel….all the other characters do is screw shit up. Now, keep in mind I haven’t read the later volumes, and I have no intention to, because it just disappointed me so much. Don’t accuse me of ignorance-I don’t want to know, I don’t want to read it-it’s just not my cup of tea.

For starters, I think I said before that I don’t like useless females who just serve as damsels to whine and moan and do useless stuff. The two females in this show existed for that very purpose. There was one that tripped over everything, there’s a cook that sets fire to everything. If it were One Piece, this shit would be funny, but if you’re trying to tell a serious story, have the comedy in at an appropriate time, and when it isn’t appropriate, leave it out, because otherwise you’re just making characters be asses for no good reason, and if they’re really that incompetent, just fire them.

But seriously, all it was about serving tea, special ways to cook dinner….it was so stiff and boring I felt myself going to sleep. That was bad because there I was trying to read something at my relative’s house who doesn’t like anime and I wanted to read something to make me forget about that, and instead it just reminded me of how much I dislike British Tv and how much I dislike British things like this, (like Monarch of the Glen and Downton Abbey) because unless they’re dosed with something interesting like Geass, or Pandora Hearts, unless they’re original, they just don’t catch me.

I think the thing that sealed it for me (ha ha, get the pun?) was the girl, Lizzie, I guess her name is. Runs in, sees a precious object she knows her boyfriend cares about because he’s suffered the loss of his parents. You’d think she’d know better than to touch it and do something to it. But no, instead she drops it, screaming that it’s the only thing the boy loves and acts like a total bitch and runs out, and he’s expected to forgive HER when she acted like that? I don’t like sexism of any kind. When men don’t cause women to be upset, there’s no reason to bash on them. I’m sick of anime making perverted men and making men out to be evil douches. When Kirito refuses to sleep with Asuna in SAO when he just wants to respect her body and her decisions, she hits him and calls him an idiot. When Ed refuses to let Winry touch his stuff, she whines and moans and spends all his hard-earned money on things she didn’t buy herself. And she never pays him back.

I dunno if the anime will be any better. And the Black Butler fanfictions aren’t bad. I mean, Ciel interested me enough. The rest of the characters? No. Hell, it could just be all about Ciel and I wouldn’t care. He’s interesting.

9. Garzey’s Wing

Now this is an anime everyone should watch just to laugh their asses off at. The dub is terrible. The quotes are surprisingly philosophical: ‘Humans are always just humans because they’re human.’ and the whole plot with the boy being split into two different forms in different dimensions makes ‘perfect sense.’ And him being carried away by a magical flying goose, er swan that grabs him apparently makes as much sense to the characters as it does to the viewers. They seem to understand even when we don’t.

It’s an absolute laugh riot. It’s terrible. Here’s a link to this piece of crap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWru5o07j_I

10. Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya….

Boy, I really am hitting the popular ones, aren’t I? What do I dislike about this one? Its general lack of interesting characters, a Mary Sue character who gets everything to go her way….well, it started out interesting enough, guy that’s interested in mysterious girl, but it turns out she’s god and can destroy the entire world if she wants to. So if the world isn’t interesting enough to her, she’ll destroy it. You just erased a good premise of a girl being God and turned it into a work of a spoiled toddler.

This girl is a sociopath….words cannot describe how much more horrifying this show becomes. This girl goes from simply dressing and acting weird to ignoring her peers and calling their interests ‘stupid,’ and making up an alien club….to kidnapping an innocent girl from her class, blackmails her into wearing sexy outfits, doesn’t understand why that’s not okay for school, touches her breasts and gropes them constantly. She tries to steal a computer from a computer lab, despite the students explaining to her again and again that they don’t belong to her. This doesn’t satisfy her so she decides to blackmail an innocent guy by falsely accusing her of molesting the girl when SHE pushed him in the way of the girl so he would deliberately touch her breasts. Takes a picture of it.

There’s just no way I can stand reading a book about someone that creepy. When you tell me they’re the hero and they’re gonna get away with that shit, I’m just like what the hell’s wrong with you? Ain’t never touching them again. I tried reading three volumes before I called it quits and sent them to my library.

11. On list of Stupidity….there’s only more terrible anime out there, awaiting exploration….

These are the final voyages of the starship ShinigamipilotDuo’s journey into the Anime Abyss, returning relatively insane and still kind of sane. Yeah, we’re done with the Star Trek jokes now. The next one is….what can I think of?

E’s Otherwise.

I think I’ve said it before, but this show is so bad I feel it needs to be seen to be believed. The manga had an interesting story going, but the author forgets about her own plot about the boy fleeing from the evil organization which is already interesting enough, drops him into the hands of losers. All they do is rescue cats up in trees….crossdress to catch drug lords, and have cooking contests and he helps free a group of psychic children. It’s like a superhero show, except it doesn’t sustain any interest. It’s just terrible. They just ruined it. So freak that show. I don’t like it.

12.Katekyo Hitman Reborn (another show I just didn’t get into)

Again, this is another show I tried hard to like, but I couldn’t. The main character’s too wimpy, I don’t like bullying. The nickname ‘Useless’ for a character is cruel. It’s just awful. I’m kind of a sensitive sop, but I don’t enjoy bullying of a protagonist. Nor do I enjoy protagonists being milksops.

13.DN Angel

It was interesting at some parts, kinda fun, but afterwards, it just became awful.

Now we’ve really entered the Core of the Bad Anime Abyss. Ha hahaha, there are only a few more anime left that are so bad, you must promise to never watch them. They’re just that bad.

14.Deadman Wonderland

Oh boy, I can’t even believe this show got aired on Toonami, it’s that bad. It’s a show about a place where they torture prisoners, despite the arguments in many of America’s courts today that criminals shouldn’t be tortured. And an innocent kid is accused of murdering his classmates, despite:

1.No one saw him do it.

2.He didn’t have a freaking weapon. You can’t just kill an entire classroom with your bare hands.

3.He was traumatized and scared.

The evidence is bullshit, and anyone who’s even nice to the main character gets killed. It’s just that depraved and stupid. I felt like pounding my head against a wall. Read the Rossman’s review of it here:

Face it, even my dog isn’t as stupid as this show, or the people in charge of this show.

15. Free, Iwatobi Swim Club, and Prince of Tennis.

I’ve seen lots of godawful work….but these two were just so boring. I couldn’t get into it. I don’t like watching sports, I’d much rather be doing them. Swimming is fun on your own and in a team, but if you have to sit out and watch it, it’s worse and boring.

16.Tie between these two for terrible: Crescent Moon

Can’t stop sighing…I know I’m gonna get flamed for saying I hate these shows….why can’t I say anything? Why can’t I say anything? Ah, it’s a Sailor Moon knockoff, and it’s totally a ripoff. All these weird people molest this girl because she brings about ‘good luck’ for everyone but herself. Unfortunately, that is only mediocrity. The other two shows I’m discussing are so bad you’ll never want to touch manga again.

You’re probably asking yourselves, how can there be anything worse than School Days, than Elfen Lied, than Garzey’s Wing. Unfortunately, my friends there are shows that are that bad.

17.Eiken

Eiken is a porn anime of a guy being attacked by a bunch of girls with big breasts. They eat hot dogs and lollipops,and it’s just so sexist and terrible….ugh, it’s just as bad as Kodomo No Jikan, which is a terrible one also. Excuse me while I go bawl my eyes out over the lack of fairness in anime. Eiken is just disgusting, period.

You really want to, I suppose I’ll boot up the list.

18.Anything by the author of Thunder Prince, Beauty and Warrior:

These probably take the list for most boring, dull and annoying animation in general (in fact I think they’re Indian cartoons) but it doesn’t help that they’re inspired by anime and everything about it is terrible. The camera angles are bad, the plot goes nowhere. I’m gonna  include a link to Beauty and Warrior. In Thunder Prince, the actors sound like bored high schoolers and names are mispronounced. A man jumps off a cliff and actually SCREAMS AHHHH as he does it.

And the little boy in the show winds up losing his accent and instead sounds like a middle-aged British woman. The acting in this is so bad it makes Zelda CDI look great. It must be seen to be believed.

19.ThreeX Three Eyes

Initially, I thought this series was gonna be good. Instead, all it consists of is a girl getting attacked for having a third eye. Weird abominations appear out of nowhere and they’re never explained. It’s that bad.

20….Animation you should never freaking touch….Anything by Tamayo Akiyama…

She is a woman who was once part of CLAMP, which was actually worth something, but since they realized she sucked, they kicked her out and she started making her own shitty spinoffs, her most popular being HYPER RUNE. Zyword is the worst manga I’ve ever read.

It centers around a princess named Lunatia. And her friend. And a girl who disappears just after she’s introduced, sorry. There are these three queens who rule the world, but no one knows who they are. They tie the world together. A six-year old has hair that trails down past her back, she can perform magic at age six. No one knows what Zyword is, or why it’s frozen in time. None of that is ever explained.

They bounce back and forth and then the plot is stuck in a lengthy flashback where a girl who’s five shouldn’t even remember this stuff….being bullied for an incredibly…minor reason. I mean, does picking flowers and making donuts count as a reason to bully someone? And last but not least, you know the series just ends in one volume. It’s a mystery. The heroine promises she’ll restore peace to Zyword and nothing happens.

In fact, my mother read it, too and she was so bewildered by it that both of us laugh our asses off at the line within the story itself that says, ‘What are the Goddesses, really? And WHAT IS ZYWORD?’

So, I think I will quote the owl from the Tootsie Roll commercials and say, ‘What the hell is Zyword? The world will never know.’

Please like it or reblog it if you want. But don’t flame me to the ends of hell. I have my opinion and you have yours.

You know, it’s actually been a while since I reviewed anything that isn’t anime.  So I figured I should go ahead and do just that, you know, so a while back my family and I went shopping at Target, and we wound up buying some movies;  Tangled, Rise of the Guardians, and Coraline, but I also bought some other things like another season of DBZ, and it was then and there as we were just about to finish shopping, when what should I see but the cult-classic cartoon ‘Super Mario Bros Super Show!’

It’s something that is frequently used in Youtube Poops, so naturally, I was excited. Very excited, in fact. I decided to take it home with me and yesterday I popped it in my laptop to watch the episode: Rollin’ down the River. So I shall now go ahead and transcribe my thoughts and feelings on this episode, as well as any critiques I might have.

Well, we were kind of disappointed with Rise of the Guardians, but it was kiddie fare, so it was still a good film, just kinda average. Coraline was amazing, personally, and Tangled was good.

It’s hard to believe, huh? You’re very lucky if you can get a copy of this show, it’s like the Zelda CDi. But apparently, they’re releasing the episodes so you can collect them! Awesome, huh? Would the Legend of Zelda cartoon be with it as well (turns out they cut out both the live action scenes and the cartoon of Zelda and split them up)

Now the back of the box, the episode titles seem very unoriginal and hackneyed, with titles like ‘Rollin’ down the river,’ ‘Pirates of the Koopa’, Mario of the Deep, and the worst has to be ‘20,000 Koopas under the sea.’ I mean, why didn’t anyone sue them for copyright infringement? That title sounds way too close to 20,000 Leagues under the Sea for it to be a coincidence. I’m just going to put it in to my laptop….and see what comes up. Yes, I’ve been wanting to review this for a while, but I have not gathered the courage, because if it’s as BAD as I think it’s going to be, it will be kind of painful, but some things have to be done.

Now imagine my surprise when a very familiar (and defunct) symbol comes up on the screen: DIC entertainment. Anyone familiar with this will know what I mean; DIC watered many anime down in the late 90’s to make them more ‘child-friendly.’ Wait no, it was the Cloverway Dub of Sailor Moon that did that, not DIC, but still DIC is notorious for poor programming. And since it made that godawful Sailor Moon dub…oh boy, we’re in for a treat, aren’t we? Well, let’s see what there is to watch.

The episode ran about approximately 24 minutes. Okay, I am just going to say this won’t be like an ordinary review, but rather more like a Nostalgia Critic-esque review, so I shall split up the text bits and the dialogue/aka my reactions to watching it. I hope you enjoy this.

(sees DIC symbol)
Me:Okay, I remember this! This is what I saw after watching any Sailor Moon episode. Uh, here’s the main menu…..let’s select an episode. And it’s green like a movie screen. How creative.

The opening itself is rather jarring for the fact that it consists of RAPPING MARIO brothers in poorly designed costumes singing a terrible song that haunts my nightmares to this day (it’s worse than the 4kids One Piece rap, yes there is  rap that’s much worse than that. Allow me to send you a link to this abomination….)

Rap plays: Mario brothers, come into the game (other hellish noises)
Me: Oh god….

So apparently, the Mario brothers are sucked into other dimensions via working on a drain that is a ‘warp drain.’ How the hell does that make any ounce of sense? And another thing that boggles the mind: who the hell is King Koopa? Why don’t they just call him Bowser? And furthermore, why is Peach still called Toadstool?

At least they’re true to the video game by including the sound effects from it, that is one thing I’ll give this episode props for. So we open in on scenes of a river and a boat going down it, and a foghorn, and something else equally sad and funny happens: the music loops and then sounds like it’s completely off-key. It must be watched to be believed. Seriously? That music is terrible.

The name of the world they’re in: The River World. :iconfacepalmplz: Really? What a creative name. So we cut in on Koopa and his minion meeting and equally bland, cheesy dialogue ensues. Then we cut in on Mario and Luigi (in terrible disguises) GAMBLING with baddies. And I thought this was a kids’ show.

Also, another thing that’s interesting of note is that Luigi’s voice actor sounds like the late George Carlin, comic genius. Coincidence? Also, what’s even more interesting is that another thing about this is that while Captain Koopa says and does very cliched things, he sometimes has a few funny lines tossed in, like ‘Happy? I don’t say happy on my ship.’ or ‘I’m the villain, you idiot!’

However, a few funny lines in a comedy do not a good show make. So Toad attempts to rescue the princess and instead winds up being tossed in jail alongside Peach. Toad gets a few funny lines like, ‘Who’d you expect, Pee Wee Herman?’, but they’re references to dated shows, that today’s kids will NOT get, you know.

Then the Idiot brothers wind up being caught in the act of cheating and they’re exposed, and the Mario brothers’ answer to everything is running away. To be honest, everything is rather disjointed. What’s going on? How did they wind up here? What are they going to do next? How on earth did they get here? There’s no explanation given, I mean….so I discovered that this isn’t the first disc I’m watching, so what episode is this? Am I missing something here? You know, if I’m asking these sorts of questions, you can already tell that there’s something wrong here.

At least in a video game, you’re just told what to do and you take it from there, but a cartoon is a whole new ball field, because it’s animated, and you’re supposed to tell a story with it; if you’re just tossing in random crap, how is anyone going to know what’s going on, huh? Even little kids need something that tells a story. Even Dora the Explorer tells more of a story than this. Okay, perhaps comparing it to that is an insult. Maybe MLP tells more of a better story, and that’s….ugh….

Mark Twain is the river captain, but how many kids are going to get that joke? Points for history, and for some creative things. Koopa is bragging and he’s interrupted by Mark Twain and Mario and Luigi. Also, Mark Twain looks just like Mario with the same eye color and mustache! I must say, I’m really impressed by the animation in this. I really, really am. Amazing.

So anyway, Koopa threatens our heroes with an evil Ba-bomb from the game and it creates a whirlpool, and it almost sucks our heroes in completely. They always shout annoying things. So our heroes ask for help, and here comes a part that will have you twitching and saying “WHY?’

Apparently, there’s a ‘mouth of the river’ that knows how to help them. So the word of mouth is literal. So they meet the ‘mouth of the river’ who says, ‘I’m the fastest mouth in the south, and my advice is nice!’ Oh god no……

Why? Because she is a stereotypical fortune teller that has to be Romanian and mythical. Why, why is she such an ethnic stereotype? Fortune-telling, oh noooo? I thought we got past this old stereotype of Romanians years ago……this is so racist….it’s so painful….

How can you be so ignorant and still make a children’s show? Because children are going to grow up watching that and think it’s okay (which it’s not.) When will this episode become anything more than mindless children’s drivel?

The one thing she gives them are a pair of magic doodads (I’M NOT KIDDING, THEY SAID IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF!) :iconlolwatplz: and they turn their outfits white. What does that mean? What does it mean when their clothes go white? EXPLAIN! WHAT THE HECK DOES IT MEAN?

So our heroes come to the aid of Peach and Toad through magic clothes-changing powers. And, also, all Peach does is cry Mario’s name. When did Peach become such a useless-oh wait a second, Princess Peach has ALWAYS been a damsel in distress. She exists for that reason.

Then Koopa is lifted up by Mario and Luigi and it looks like their hands go in rather….unmentionable places….so wrong. Then their doodads disappear and Koopa has full control again, and decides to kill them.

Then they wind up beating the crap out of Bowser and conveniently knock him in a sand bank while they laugh obnoxiously at him. And they have a toast with root beer. The annoying thing is the character (the woman) again has to serve catfish pizza, yet another unflattering and disgusting stereotype of African-Americans in general.

That was actually….a little funny. Ending comes on with awful dance and singing.

Me: Uh…I have no words…to convey…just how mind-numbingly awful that was…I’m literally without words….oh my god….oh boy….this was made in 1989.

Even the DVD is remotely outdated. And the Legend of Zelda sneak-peek was equally bland and uninteresting. However, Link’s excuse me, princess made me laugh. Has anyone ever noticed anything with Link talking is bad? There’s a reason why he’s silent.

The only thing that looked remotely interesting was Sonic Underground, which I will review separately. Sonic Underground is very 80’s-influenced, no doubt about that. It looks very anime influenced. It’s DYSTOPIAN FICTION. Wow….

Okay, I guess that’s all I have to say, as far as animation goes, it’s good by 80’s standards, as far as anything objectionable for children, I would say it’s the LARGE AMOUNT OF STUPIDITY! Um, the story? What story? There wasn’t much of one. There were a few scatter shot jokes that were funny at times. I laughed a few times, but not very much.

Okay, so…anyway, the show, I guess it has a bit of following (because it’s so bad it’s good, TV Troper here) but the racism in it…oh boy, it’s just very badly designed. And they used copyrighted music in the show, which apparently was MORE hair-raising to the copyright producers than the rampant stereotypes in the show.

But you know, I suppose all that can be said about….this…thing, this show…is so terrible….I think maybe even the Legend of Zelda CDI surpasses it…because at least it tried to tell a bit of a story. I mean, it was awful, but at least Zelda did something in it. This one? What’s the point of changing the universes every time? It makes no sense and is highly confusing. I make sure  my crossover fanfictions make sense, but this…makes no goddamned sense.

And even for little kids, it’s bad. And the ethnic stereotypes….are even worse…what do I give it, out of 10? You know what, there should be a line beyond 0 for this…..I’ll give it a minus 50 out of 100, because it was just that stupid, I felt my IQ drop several thousand feet upon watching this. Ugh, what can I say? I guess this is probably the first and only review I’ll do of this, unless it’s popular. Next up is the review of Sonic Underground.

Ah, yes, Harry Potter….the nice school of wizards and witches….the ideal place to learn how to use magic in the world of dull, ordinary Muggles who misunderstand you and your magic and you make bestest friends forever who will always stick by your side no matter what….not to mention the world full of demons, soul-sucking monsters, a school with an apathetic, if not downright manipulative headmaster, and a terrible atmosphere to teach students….say what? Yup, you heard me. Hogwarts is by far one of the worst fictional schools ever and here’s why it sucks eggs and why Dumbbelldore is an ass.

-Why the Wizarding World sucks-

The Wizarding World is full of dumbasses, and the isolated atmosphere only serves to enhance their stupidity. Okay, so they coexist with the human world. You’d think they would:understand more than just their own worldview and try to understand ordinary people like us, they would widen their knowledge of contemporary events and learn basic human skills so if they need a human job they can just apply for MCDonalds.

1.-Their racist ways towards Muggles-

No, they don’t do that. They don’t even bother to learn anything at all about our culture. They figure their way is ‘best,’ and the way they treat the ordinary humans in this travesty of a series is lukewarm at best, and condescending at its worst. Take, for example, the way they treat Muggles if they happen to see wizards. They simply wipe their minds of them without any second questions. Oh, there’s a psychopathic warlord of evil on the loose and he could come after humans, too? Just let them not have any knowledge of it at all and let them die. Their lives are expendable. This means if the Wizarding World is thrown out of their own society by Voldemort, they’re screwed. Try rooting for Voldemort, at least he has some knowledge of Muggles.

Oh, and if you thought the Dursleys were bad, look at it from their point of view. Petunia’s sister dies and doesn’t even bother to leave her a note-much less explain to her what happened. Dumbleass has Harry and decides, without considering that maybe magical parents would be better suited than those who hate wizards, and decides to just ditch a baby on someone’s doorstep. He doesn’t bother to meet with them in person and explain anything. He just decides to leave Harry there, and he’s honestly stupid enough to believe being forced to take care of a child will endear them to him.

2. Their lack of modern technology. There is no excuse for Rowling to not include modern technology. So they have owls….what else? Can they use the telephone or email to keep in touch with their muggle parents and let them know how they’re doing? No….instead they don’t use technology….because the wizards have their heads so far up their asses that they again think anything used by ‘Muggles is worthless.’ Yeah, the parents can’t even know what their freaking children are up to or what they’re learning. They’re kept in the dark about everything.

3. Their mob mentality is horrifyingly similar to a dictatorship.

The Ministry of Magic rules over everything, from the freaking newspapers to the freaking school. They can watch your use of magic at any time and anywhere, and you’re watched every time you use magic. You can be fined for using magic to defend yourself against soul-sucking monsters, you can be in big trouble if you happen to sympathize with Muggles or their plight, and the newspapers can lie all they want to about everything and no one bats an eye. There’s no freedom of the press, there’s no freedom of speech…hell, just because the protagonist says Voldemort, everyone censors him, as if saying a name is a horrible offense.

Not only that, the WW gangs up on everyone who is different from them. If Harry Potter voices his opinion, he’s silenced and forced to obey the crowd and join the brainwashing.

4. Finally, the vow of Secrecy is absurd.

Muggles aren’t stupid. Eventually they’re gonna discover that there’s a secret cult-er, society operating under their noses and wiping their memories. What would your reaction be? I’ll bet you would be furious that this society thinks of you, an ordinary human, as being less than they are and not allowed to know anything. Even the fucking Prime minister of England can’t tell anyone about Voldemort being on the loose. He can’t warn them about Death eaters, he can’t do shit because of this fucking retarded rule. Also, the wizards are such idiots that they don’t even realize how useless a wand is in attacks. You get the wand thrown out of your hand, you lose. Muggles have….snipers, drone airplanes, atomic bombs, nuclear missiles, tear gas, grenades, suicide bombers, AK-47s, rifles, machine guns, artillery, submarines, the Navy, tanks, and surveillance on radar and airplanes and cameras. Not only that, they can identify who you are simply with cameras and take pictures of your face.

If drones dropped bombs over Voldemort’s hideout, the Death Eaters are toast. Nothing can stop an atomic bomb that annihilates everything in its path, nothing. Everything and everyone gets vaporized in a second before you can even react. It’s hard to believe that such terrifying weapons exist, but it’s the truth. You just drop nuclear missiles, and some of these babies can go at 15,000 miles per hour. Yeah, you can’t whip out your magic stick and chant a spell to deflect it….he’d be history in an instant. If the Muggles declared war against this hypocritical society that treats them like trash, we’d win without a doubt. We’ve got advanced technology, knowledge of our enemies, and we’re physically stronger. A Muggle battling a wizard if they knock their wands aside….the wizard is toast…there’s no defense classes taught against physical assault…you’re history if you run into a Muggle and lose your wand.

-Hogwarts is a terrible school-

1. They don’t let the parents know what their kids are doing

Could you imagine a more horrifying set-up than this? Your child goes off to a magical school for seven years and then when they come back to you Muggles, they can’t tell you what they learned, how they learned it, and you don’t get a report card and you can’t meet with the teachers to see how your child is doing. You’re physically and emotionally isolated from your children for seven years.

Yeah, when Muggle children go to school, they’re away from you for five days a week, seven or eight hours a day, but they come the hell back from school and you actually know what your freaking kids are doing every day due to them telling you and the teachers keep in touch. There’s Parent Teacher night where the parents meet the teachers, discuss how their child is doing with them, and discuss what they’re learning and if there are any problems going on.

Not so with Hogwarts. You can’t come see your child if you’re a Muggle. You can’t come wish them a good school year because Muggles aren’t allowed to see the magical train. You aren’t allowed to go buy them books, so they have to go by themselves (a frightening aspect in and of itself for parents) and if they get bullied, abused at school or molested, or attacked by monsters, they can’t tell you. You won’t be able to help them at all.

2. The school is completely incompetent at keeping its students safe

This school is about as safe to be in as a school in the Middle East. Every year, a teacher either loses his or her position, has a mental illness, is insane or is working for the bad guy and monsters attack all the time, and the teachers do nothing to keep the kids safe. Hermione, Ron and Harry can waltz off at any moment and kill a monster like the troll in Book 1 and they won’t be in trouble for it. They’ll get rewarded, despite the fact that they don’t know what they’re doing, are just kids who are beginners at magic, and shouldn’t be out anyway.

Oh, and did we mention that nearly every year, some of the student population either gets petrified, murdered, or otherwise traumatized and the staff has a horrible way of dealing with these problems? Cedric Diggory in the tournament gets murdered, and despite all these risks, the magical barriers, charms and secret passageways aren’t enough, they don’t bother to host guards around the clock at the school (or else they have soul-sucking ones.)

Image

Everyone knows these guards are the best at protecting children. Despite their threatening demeanor, they’re actually quite tame. What could possibly go wrong?

Not only that, the teachers don’t bother to do weapon checks (you know, with all the killing going on, you think they would have a security system and require students and staff to be screened in case they have weapons or deadly spells on hand) and they don’t. The teachers also are stupid and don’t question things like bullying and things like being injured on the field or having your soul nearly sucked out don’t matter.

3. The subjects are completely limiting

You can take a number of courses, such as…..Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Defense against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Magical Runes, Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ghoul Studies, Alchemy, and….Botany….what the hell?

Since when did Divination make any goddamned sense? It’s basically cheap parlor tricks and typical chicanery that New-Age ‘spiritualists,’ and ‘astrologers’ use to swindle their customers into believing bogus baloney. Yet these children are taught to accept signs of ‘reading your tea’ and if it changes colors, something bad will happen as absolute fact. There’s no questioning of this nonsense. The children just accept it as 100% genuine and absorb it like the brain-dead sponges they are.

Ghoul Studies….alchemy, Magical Creatures, Transfiguration….how the hell will that help these kids out in the real world? Oh, look, you can turn a mouse into a teacup. That’s sure to win over your boss in a job interview and your job will surely last if you bring your pet griffon to a business meeting for show and tell. You’re sure to astound your superiors at a job meeting when you give a powerpoint presentation about ghosts and how they live. You won’t be fired.

What these kids need to learn are real, important subjects, like math, reading, writing, English, History of the Muggle world and most importantly, science and technology. If they don’t know about bacteria and viruses and what they do to the human body, once they come out into our world, they’re screwed. They’re gonna die of a little cold if they don’t know what it is, how it came to be, or how to treat it. I’ll bet you wizards die of treatable ailments because they still believe in herbal crap solving ‘non-threatening’ things like cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.

Oh, and how are they gonna learn how to drive a car, ride a bike or obey traffic signs? How are they going to pay in dollar bills when they go out to eat food? How are they going to cook for themselves when their magic makes food for them? Fred and George even tell Harry it’s ‘pointless’ to cut food with real utensils, because magic can solve all their problems for them instantly. They won’t know how to pay their bills, how to pay their taxes, how to clean up vomit, and how to do anything practical because they’ll still be relying on their wands.

4. The teachers suck.

What kind of wonderful teachers do they have here? Let’s see.

A sociopathic teacher who bullies the weaker students and never bothers to help the other students, and practices favoritism for his one ‘house.’ He bullies children and psychologically abuses them and gets away with it. He also torments Harry and gets away with it.

…..A dwarf who can’t stand up properly and is as dumb as a potato….a toad who gives the class elementary school books to read, a talking ghost who only talks about goblins, a crackpot who believes her prophecies come true and whose fashion tendencies put Al Yankovic to shame, a narcissist who was a fraudulent idiot, and an imposter who turned a student into a ferret and abused him.

You can safely expect the teachers to look the other way when bullying is committed.

5. The racism and prejudice of the Hogwarts houses.

Students here are not all placed in one grade. Instead they’re segregated-*cough divided* into separate ‘houses,’ based on what a talking hat tells them they’re good at. They’re not even allowed to select a place for themselves. You’ve got four houses, each segregated from the rest, each sleeping and eating in different areas, and each believing the other is better than the rest of them.

There’s the place for the brave but stupid jocks, Gryffindor, the place for the nerds and smart people, Ravenclaw, the house for the ‘evil’ people, Slytherin, and the boring, uninteresting Hufflepuffs. What makes this terrible is that the prejudice and racism in this is easily seen. The Slytherin house is almost always seen as the house for bad guys, despite the obvious fact that being in a ‘house’ does not determine one being good or evil. Yet Harry’s choice to join Gryffindor and only talk to Gryffindors and only speak to them is seen as the right thing. The other houses must be too stupid to comprehend the Gryffindors.

Oh, and the rivalry between fellow houses is perfectly okay, and favoritism is allowed. If you’re a Slytherin, expect to be treated like crap because the school hates you. Now you know why Hogwarts sucks. Take some common sense pills and move out of this shithole and go on to another school.

Ah, My Little Pony, first a series of successful shows and movies in the 1980s, and then becoming more of a girly show in the 1990s. Finally, after a series of horribly contrived tv shows, we finally get the best one yet, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, where the girls are not just girly stereotypes, where the characters are very funny, three-dimensional, and consistently entertaining and teaching young children good morals. I say this, even as a young adult who is a fan of the series, because, deny it or not, bronies, MLP is aimed at little girls and young children, despite some of the adult humor, shoutouts to other series, and occasionally over-the-top messages.

This series brings us great episodes like, “Lesson Zero,” “A Canterlot Wedding,” “Friendship is Magic,” “Too many Pinkie Pies,” and so on. However, the sad thing is that MLP: FIM has quite a few stinkers in its entourage of the good, mediocre, and just plain bad. These episodes are bad not just because of quality lacking, but because of OOC moments, because of cruel and warped aesops and because they were just plain distasteful. Enjoy and feel free to leave comments and/or feedback.

10. “Ponyville Confidential”

Ok, so we have yet another episode centered around some of my favorite characters, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. So, as usual, they’re trying to earn their cutie marks and nothing is going right (like usual, also) so Miss Cheerilee decides to offer up a position to be an editor in charge of the newspaper that everyone reads, (and who else is in charge of it but the snooty Alpha Bitch Diamond Tiara, a girl with no redeeming values whatsoever besides being a bullying bitch) so the CMC sign up for this. First, the stories they start writing are boring, so Diamond Tiara starts wanting them to get gossip, so Snips and Snails are the first objects to humiliate. They get stuck together, so the CMC photograph them, while gleefully doing so, which is rather OOC for them.

So they do that, and DT is impressed with them, so she wants them to do more and more gossip articles for the column, which is later dubbed “Gabby Gums,” they start saying things like ‘Rarity is really ugly,’ or Applejack is really poor. I don’t really remember what the articles were about, because I only watched it once and will never watch it again. But by the end of it, Gabby Gums becomes a sensation almost overnight and everyone loves her and supports her, and then sooner or later the CMC realize their mistake, so they go to DT and tell her they want to resign because they realize that they’ve done wrong, and DT snaps and tells them they can’t quit or else she’ll reveal embarrassing photos of them, (also known as blackmail, which is illegal, bitch, illegal) and eventually they wind up coming out to Ponyville.

Then, this is where things get ridiculous. Okay, you’re considering the fact that they’re children, right, and the fact that they were bullied and coerced to do this by Diamond Tiara, which means the hatred of all of Ponyville should fall on her. She’s the one who forced them to write mean things in the first place, you’d think that that would happen. But no, instead they all blame Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom….three….little….children. They are cruel and outcast little kids who were forced to do mean things without even asking them why they did things.

Get this, they were even being shunned by Twilight and her friends. Applejack won’t even let them explain. Sweetie Belle mentions offhand that they might have to stay in their clubhouse forever. Some of you might say whatever to that last part, but that last part is particularly unnerving, since it reminds you of real-life young people and dealing with bullying. What real life activity do young people turn to if adults won’t believe them, they’re shunned by everyone and bullied and ridiculed……you know the answer here, don’t you? Teenage Suicide. Yes, I thought the episode was going to head in that direction. You know, for kids!

So, the moral of this episode is, when bad things happen, if you’re forced to do bad things against your will, the person who made you do them won’t be punished, you will! Another thing is Rainbow and the others are just unnecessarily mean and cruel. Consider how terrifying this is. Wouldn’t you be afraid that if you did something wrong, you would be mistreated? The lengths to which Ponyville goes to mistreat them is absurd. What has their reaction been in previous episodes? In Lesson Zero, they listened to Twilight and regretted laughing at her. The moral of this episode was disgusting. I hated it. I won’t watch it again. Sure, DT gets covered in ink at the end, but is there any punishment for her blackmail? No, nothing happens to her besides that.

9. “The best night ever”

This episode should be retitled “The worst night ever,” because what this episode consists of is relentless, ruthless heckling of the main characters, which is uncalled for. As a victim of bullying in my childhood, I am a strong anti-bullying supporter and any tv show that encourages it is disgusting to me. So this episode is rather inconsistent. Princess Celestia invites the main six to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, a ball. Twilight wants to go so she can be with Celestia, her idol. Rainbow wants to meet the Wonderbolts,  Applejack wants to hawk her goods so she can make some money, Fluttershy wants to tame some animals, Pinkie wants to throw a party and have some fun, and Rarity’s reason for going is so she can score a date with a man. What? Sorry, but WHAT? You’re making a girl character in a show for kids act like a prostitute? What is wrong with you, writing staff? Sorry to Rarity fans, but at times, Rarity acts like a completely sexist stereotype of how girls are “supposed” to act.

Rarity, being the stupid, spoiled idiot that she is, decides to find a male to bed, and practically gets some of her neigh-bors to drive her there in a carriage, because she’s too afraid to walk. Oh, yeah, she’s totally not arrogant. I know she personally asked them, but that still reeks of a lazy rich girl, and of a Mary Sue archetype. Sues always draw guys to their sides no matter what. Thankfully, she’s about to be knocked off her high horse.

My god, how arrogant is she? Good god, her ego is so major, it makes Trixie’s look minor. Like an Ursa Minor, or maybe an Equine Minor? Bad joke, I know. Lulz.

Anyway, the end result is it turns out to be a living hell for everybody (no, I’m not saying everypony, that sounds idiotic) at the ball, including the guests who are there as well as the Mane Six. Everyone ignores Twilight in favor of Celestia, the animals ignore Fluttershy for some unexplained reason, Rarity meets this arrogant jerk who completely ignores her until she epically chews him out (Even though I hate her, her rant was pretty good.) But that doesn’t mean that I still don’t hate her. Prince Blueblood is like Clovis from Code Geass.

Pinkie Pie’s exclusion is understandable, again her lack of empathy is astounding, she’s being an annoying brat to people who don’t like what she likes, they’re having fun in their own way, and she’s ruining it. She’s acting like a spoiled toddler with ADHD.

As for Rainbow Dash, they had no right to treat her that way. The way everyone snubs the Mane Six besides Pinkie is just very rude. I mean, Twilight is a Canterlot pony, you’d think they would have some more respect for her. So, Fluttershy loses her mind, Rarity is frazzled, AJ is upset, Dashie is completely snubbed, and Twilight is upset, too. The kicker is at the ending, Celestia tells them she wanted them to be there so they could cause chaos. In her own words, the meeting is so boring it needs to be livened up.

So, she wanted Fluttershy to break down, she wanted the others to suffer, and worst of all is the lack of concern for her guests….you know, the ones who had their time out destroyed because of other ponies who couldn’t understand they had different tastes. Sorry for sounding double-sided, but while the Mane Six’s treatment here was uncalled for, it was also twice as disrespectful for a princess like Celestia to 1. Have no consideration for what her other guests wanted to do and instead decide their nights need to be ruined, 2. Have no consideration for the Mane Six’s mental states and instead treat it like some kind of game. Not very nice, Celestia. Not very nice.

As you can see, it’s a very warped episode.

8. “One Bad Apple “

Originally, I liked the premise of this episode. The idea of Applebloom having a cousin was good, and Babs became one of my favorites when she mended her ways with them, but I didn’t like the morals or lack of. The CMC are, once again, bullied into silence, and no one does a thing to stop them. The CMC decide to stupidly not tell Applejack about the bullying and Babs only goes along with the bullies because she was bullied herself (likely story) and completely disregards any shred of kindness the CMC show her and decides to make their lives a living hell. So the CMC decide to turn to revenge (they’ve gotta stand up for themselves somehow, right?)

So, yeah, just as they’re going to kick Babs’ ass-no, flank, and teach her some respect and humble her a bit, Applejack chooses that moment to spin out a sob story about Babs being bullied. Suddenly, they stop and realize, oh, no, us standing up for ourselves is wrong! Applejack says they should have come to her from the start. I was bullied, but I did NOT become a bully towards others like Babs. That would have been below my moral principles. The fact that she gave in to that peer pressure is cowardly. She got away with worse things than the girls DT and Silver Spoon ever did. She did it willingly.

The moral in this is: you have to go to adults for dealing with a bully, you can’t stand up for yourselves? What the hell? Did they even bother to research school bullying or any kind, for that matter?

What about the bullying cases where adults refused to believe children, laughed it off, told them that it was part of being a child, or told them to grow up and stop taking things so seriously, or just plain didn’t give a damn? What if the kids come from an abused family who doesn’t care enough to do anything to stop the bullying, or what if the bullying is encouraged by the adults? And no, ignoring the bullies DOES NOT work. I tried that, it does not do a damned thing. You need to stand up for yourself and prove you won’t take the blows like a beaten dog.

One of my relatives was bullied when he was younger, eventually he had no choice but to fight back. It’s how he survived. If you want young children to know how to survive bullying, teach them the proper way: FIGHT BACK. You’d educate more students and thus give them less incentive to kill themselves or snap and kill the bullies. That way, they’d know they aren’t alone.

7. Over a barrel

This episode is particularly racist, I thought, just with the way the buffaloes are portrayed as the stupid natives who are in touch with nature, but don’t know a damned thing, and how plain dumb everyone was acting. It seems that the MLP writers have a bad touch of doing this. Pinkie causes everyone to go to war.

6. The Crystal Empire

Everyone was looking forward to this episode, they said it would be entirely great. Unfortunately, it did not live up to the hype the HUB put so much emphasis on. Where I was expecting a glorious tale about the oppressed ponies who fought back against the evil King Sombra, there came about nothing…..but boredom. Nothing but stagnant, boredom and repetitive, bad writing. The series fell flat on its ass there. That’s all I have to say. I didn’t like it.

5. The Return Of Harmony

I have not seen this episode in its entirety, however I know the basic premise and have seen bits and pieces of it. From what I have seen, I have to say I dislike it a great deal. Everyone is acting so out-of-character, even though they are brainwashed, you’d expect them to fight it off. Come on, even Euphemia fought off the Kill All Japanese order!!!! Instead, everyone is acting mean. It pissed me off, seeing them all act like that. I despise Discord, toying with everyone like that, and making Twilight cry. This is another example of the Mane Six, despite claiming to be best friends, may as well say they’re cousins with a blood feud.

4. Winter Wrap-up

Well, one of the things that makes me dislike this episode is the constant singing. Musicals are not my favorite, and singing drags down anything, in my opinion. I love singing, but I don’t like it in the stuff I watch. Hence why I avoid Disney movies. Singing adds nothing to the series, and I wish they would leave it out entirely, because all it does is annoy the hell out of the viewer, but little kids probably won’t mind. The other thing is yet again, they’re out to bash Twilight. I hate bashing episodes, they’re nasty and cruel.

Now while sometimes it’s all right for my fanfiction to humble an arrogant character, The Scrappy, a Karma Houdini, and a Mary Sue, what is not all right is for unjustified character bashing for no reason. It happens in fanfiction, but for it to happen in a scripted TV show is nothing short of annoying. Except for Rarity, sometimes she deserves it.

Twilight is using magic to help AJ and all the others out in pulling a cart, because 1. Twilight is not an earth pony, or hard working one. She’s unused to physical labor. 2. Magic is one of the things she’s good at. Isn’t the moral of this series to use your talents? and 3. She’s a girl. Girls are NOT as strong as guys are at physical labor. Face it, no matter how feminist we girls may be, we just simply have to admit that our bodies aren’t built to do bodybuilding, machinery, and other stuff like that. Girls are built for babies….sure, we girls can learn how to do those things, but again the physical disadvantage will always be there. Applejack yells at her and makes her cry.

Everyone starts to argue again and you realize the writing staff could have decided to pull out some other twist rather than have them all argue and fight, even when they’re not Discorded, but nope, laziness kicks in again. They could have come to a better plot twist than this, but instead they sink down to the same old writing cliche, and once again, it’s everyone picks on Twilight day.

Uh, guys, what happened to love and tolerance? What happened to not mistreating others because they’re different? Oh, right, because in Bridle Gossip and Call of the Cutie, Ponyville demonstrated that tolerance of others perfectly.

Ponyville is racist.

3. Sonic Rainboom

There are many reasons I hate Rarity. She’s arrogant, she looks like a fly with those eyelashes of hers, she’s self-centered, and a stereotype of so many things. Her acting in this episode was completely contrary to the element of generosity. But this one is not so bad when compared with others. RD wants to take part in a competition she’s always wanted to do, and what does Rarity do? Not offer support, but instead decide to show off and compete in it.

She dresses herself up in a butterfly outfit and starts parading around, and Rainbow saves her. Rarity does apologize, though.

2. A friend in deed

Stalking, as we’re all taught, is a terrible crime that no one should condone, and yet in this episode, Pinkie gets away with it. A donkey who has come to town and is an introvert, is being persecuted by Pinkie, an obnoxious extrovert, who doesn’t realize when she needs to give people space. She does everything she can to make this guy’s life miserable. And she gets away with it. She asks him embarrassing questions, and she wonders why he doesn’t want to be your friend. When someone doesn’t want to be your friend, you leave them alone. Capeesh? Pinkie does not understand when people don’t want to be her friend.

Stalking is not something you should condone.

There is one other episode here.

Tie-Breaker for episodes with worst morals: Luna Eclipsed and The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well.

Luna is tired of ponies treating her badly and acting like she’s a monster. Not only that, there’s a holiday dedicated to being scared of her and centered around hurting her feelings. Twilight tries to help her fit in, but Pinkie keeps ruining it by screaming and telling lies about Luna, thus hurting her deeply and preventing her from fitting in. Later on, Twilight tells Pinkie to quit doing this, and Pinkie replies that she knows Luna is a good person, but that it’s okay to be scared of her because it’s “all in good fun.” All in good fun? Pinkie, what happened to you? You used to be so likeable, and now you’ve just become plain mean. Luna was not in on the joke, and it is still a hideously cruel thing to do to someone.

TMMDW. See, Rainbow is arrogant. That’s her flaw. So we expect her to brag about saving people. So, yeah, she’s like a Gryffindor. So in one episode, Trixie is criticized for bragging because she’s a stage pony. Yet another one of my least favorite ones, but this one takes the cake for terrible. And….the worst thing is, in this one, a new pony called Mare-Do-Well shows up, stealing her credit and her fans, and at the end, in a cruel twist, it’s revealed that it was her friends. All five of them. Fluttershy, the element of Kindness, Pinkie, one of Rainbow’s closest friends, Applejack, who’s supposed to be the element of Honesty. All five of them, including Applejack, who LIED to RD, were going behind her back and bragging about Mare-do-Well’s achievements, stealing Rainbow’s fame, and boasting about their achievements. They made Rainbow feel horrible and at the end they have the nerve to tell her they did what they did to reduce her arrogance and ego. Bullcrap! Sure, Rainbow may be overconfident, but is that any reason to bully her? No.

They really should have been punished.

Remember the anime you really liked as a child? Or, the cartoon with a really funny character in it, really, really funny, and cool, and you wanted to be just like them? How about when you grew up and you decided to revisit your favorite anime or cartoon. So…..now what?

 

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What did they do to them? What happened to the great show you remember from childhood? Well, as it turns out, many shows we thought were so great as a child turn out to be good, but with perhaps the most retarded plot holes and premises. Let’s examine them, shall we? I shall be looking at anime, cartoons, literature, and American TV shows today. First, let’s start off with some anime.

First, let’s begin with Detective Conan, an anime that remains in many children’s hearts as their first intro to anime in Japan or China. So, what does it have going for it? Why, great characters, a good plot, and most of all….heart. Not to mention the fact that nothing has changed for the past 600 episodes or more with a plot that’s dying like Pokemon and a hero who never ages. Wait, what?

You heard me. So while Detective Conan is an incredibly innovative and creative mystery series, with some simply unforgettable characters among them, like Haibara and Kaitou Kid and the protagonist himself, the series itself relies on some pretty stupid plot twists. So, there’s like this great detective, Shinichi.

He’s a high school genius and an ace detective, at that. So one day, the plot rests on him going to an amusement park with his best friend, Ran, which quickly becomes the worst day ever when two men in black (that look like they stepped out of the movie itself) decide to beat him up and shrink him into a child with a convenient plot device drug-*cough, magical drug with no cure*. What? Flat WHAT, like TV Tropes says?

Are..you….freaking….kidding me? What the hell WAS the creator thinking when he came up with this bullshit? This sounds like something some fourth-grader would come up with on some acid or speed, not a professional writer. What kind of author degrades themselves by writing something so retarded and expecting us to take it seriously? It just gets worse from there.

He has to hang out with an idiot who can’t solve mysteries, so he has to give him heroin doses-just kidding, tranquilizes him so he can take over and pwn the old man at his own game with his deduction skills and so this kid sits there talking into a bow tie and no one notices. WHAT? How can we expect to believe something that farfetched?

Second, the love interest notices nothing unusual about said kid, despite the fact that he looks like her childhood friend, talks like her childhood friend, has same interests, same birthday, and same effing knowledge in detective skills?

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This….is just too much….even for anime, it’s just too stupid a plot to be taken seriously. Sure, Shinichi may be the most badass detective in fiction since Sherlock Holmes himself, but the contrived plot that makes us want to take it literally is the stupidest I have ever seen.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, every single case this kid takes, the fat drunkard moron with an IQ of 40 takes the credit like the dumbass he is and poor Shinichi has to live with this dumb a-hole telling him to shut up and hits him at every opportunity. Guess, what happens then?  No one helps him with his abuse. So, yeah, this anime may be great, but its plot is seriously retarded and you should feel ashamed that a writer even dared to publish a plot this stupid.

2. The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Let me put it bluntly: this anime centers around a  girl who is literally God personified, and can destroy the entire world if she’s bored with it or no one wants to take her seriously. God, are the writers even trying with this one? Why the hell are we supposed to root for a girl who blackmails people to get what she wants, molests a girl because she can, and has an idiotic personality? There’s just a simple answer in this one: hell no. Stay away from this one.

3. Yugioh

Okay, there’s this kid, see? He wants to be a duelist, but he’s too short and no one at school loves him, so he completes an ancient puzzle to get his revenge, and somehow becomes a better duelist when h’es possessed by his sexy alter ego and no one notices a thing. Oh, and card games are treated so seriously in this pile of garbage. This is why YGOTAS exists, to ridicule its very source.

4. Pokemon

Don’t get me started on this abomination.

5. Dragonball Gt

Trust me, you knew this was coming. You knew it.  So Goku is shrunk, Gohan is now a nerd, Trunks is now scared of his own shadow, and Pan makes everything worse.

 

Hello, there. I’m going to do a review of PMD: Explorers of Time, Darkness, and Sky. Everyone knows the hero and his pal become Explorers at this Guild and do lots of cool things and go on adventures, etc. But does anyone actually bother to examine this cliched, bland story for what it’s worth and point out the numerous flaws in it? This game isn’t perfect, but children need a game that isn’t as….messed up and twisted as this one is.

Okay, first, let’s begin with the first problem with this little story. There are sixteen different choices for Pokemon, so…..why not do sixteen different plots that’ll differ depending on who you choose? That’d be nice, wouldn’t it? Nope, instead the story remains the same no matter who you choose. That’s really nice.

On this subject, the hero is bland and boring as hell. You have no personality, no depth at all….and the psychic ability is useless, amounting in a worthless character. What’s the point of being a main character if you don’t even have a personality or a speaking role at all? You talk with your feet…..and your partner talks for you. How condescending.

The sidekick is probably the worst of them all….never before have I seen such a wimpy, disgustingly servile character. This little piece of crap makes you go through so many unnecessary, idiotic scenes that could’ve been avoided if the character wasn’t so idiotic. They whine and cry all the time if you don’t do what they want you to do…..so once you get something back for them, they force you to join possibly the worst, most atrocious place I’ve ever seen in a freaking Pokemon game-The Wigglytuff Guild, or what I like to call, the “The Evil Place.”

Okay, at first glance, it seems pretty innocuous-train and become good explorers, so you can help Pokemon all over the world…..and once again evolution is held back for some retarded reason-who knows why they make you suffer like this-the whole concept is Pokemon EVOLVE. To hold it back is stifling and pretty much kills any point of making this Pokemon.
One: On the blatant cult-like monstrosity that is the Guild and how it is a terrible example for children:

Here’s where it gets bad, you see the Guild is made up of several Pokemon; the ditzy Valley-Girl stereotype, the country hick, the annoyingly trite philosopher/lazy Shikamaru Expy, the annoying catchphrase guy, and the loudmouth. These personalities are unremarkable in every way and only serve as annoyances in the plot. The worst part of this place is probably the main lead who gives you your slave labor *cough, work* is Chatot.

Ever had that bad boss who thinks he’s so great that everyone ought to worship them? This guy is probably the most annoying, despicable video game character you’ll ever meet. Right from the start, he decides everything you do…..and I mean, everything. Now what’s so bad about that? You’ll see…..why this place is most definitely evil and a twisted place to work in.

Now, what’s the definition of a cult again? Let’s see…..”a religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader,” according to the Free Dictionary. You may be seeing to yourselves, well, what does that have to do with the Guild? You’ll see shortly. Now let’s go over the warning signs of a cult……According to http://www.prem-rawat.talk.org/forum/uploads/CultCharacteristics.htm, the warning signs of a cult are as follows.

First, “the group is focused on a living leader to whom members seem to display, excessively zealous, unquestioning commitment.”

How does this apply to the Guild, you may ask? Let’s see….first, Chatot tells you, “You are not, under any circumstances, to be rude to the Guildmaster.” Hmmm…..thought control? So they are not allowed to question his authority. Such a role model for children, don’t you think? Second, the other members of the Guild seem to be afraid of the Guildmaster and even the case of missing apples is enough to induce fear and panic in the Guild members. Fear….of a seemingly benevolent ruler-*cough* boss…..is there something unsettling about that? Yes, there is.

You must always respect the Guildmaster…..though he is eccentric, there are times when he seems eerily scary. Why join a Guild where they obey the rules under fear of punishment? Because…..they feed on fear and control. Chatot is a control freak. This much is evident within the story itself. You are never allowed to do anything yourself….anything that is ordered by the Guildmaster must be done.

Second, “the group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.”

This is a subtle one, and one that you might not notice in the game unless you look closely….Chimecho’s member service seems obsessed with you bringing as many new members in as possible…..but I will point out how this Guild endorses racism and slavery…..later. Chatot mentions others have run away from rigorous training……how many new members do they try to get in?

Third, “the group is preoccupied with making money.”

Here is the big alarming one with this game: this “benevolent” guild is all about making money….and that means, off of you. Yes, every. single. time. you. complete. a mission, they steal most of the money from you and keep it for themselves. This is an effective control tactic and ensures that you won’t be trying to get stuff for yourself. It also keeps you low-level and thus unable to fight back against their ways. Example: you have 2000 poke for your first mission, but Chatot steals it and leaves you with only 200 poke. Some might argue that this is a realistic example of taxes and bills, but would they really STEAL this MUCH from you? The answer is….no. This is wrong, this is illegal and to have this in a kid’s game and accept it at face value…..is deplorable.

Cults do this all the time. Jim Jones, the head of the Jonestown cult in Guyana, used this practice on his followers a lot….he took their houses, their money and their children from them, telling them it was fair because they belonged to him. Awfully similar, no?

Fourth, “questioning, doubt and dissent are discouraged or even punished.”

You see this many times. First, when you try to choose your own mission…..Chatot snaps at you for questioning him and makes someone else choose it for you….and when you question why they steal money from you, he reprimands you again….every day, he gives you orders and you do NOT question them, EVER. Not to mention the Perfect Apple incident, where he refuses to believe you and your “dissent” is treated as a “major” crime.

Ever notice one of the rules, “Run away and pay?” What do you think THAT means? I’m afraid to know what that means….does this mean they hurt you if you break the rules? They are perfectly willing to lie to you and ambush you in the forest in order to make you “graduate”, after all.

The fifth one, about “mind-numbing techniques,” really isn’t applicable except for the rules you chant every day. They seem a lot like mind control, and it IS. You repeat it day after day, so it sinks in your mind, and you do not QUESTION anything they tell you.

Sixth, the part about them dictating how they should think, act and feel is in full force here. You can never do anything without informing the Guild, you can never have all the money you want without the guild taking it, etc, etc. Your partner decides to never do anything without the consent of the Guild. Especially on the mission, where you must never do anything “wrong.”

The seventh one talks about them having an exalted status….well, with the way they treat members who join your team after you beat them in dungeons, they definitely fall under this rule. You bet your boots…they do.

The tenth one says “justifies means that are considered unethical,” the main ones the Guild is guilty of committing would be the act of blatant hypocrisy, lying, greed (the excessive devotion to money, again), racism, and slavery. You heard me, racism. That’s right, the one thing everyone overlooks about this place is its racism, and I will get to that soon enough. Starving is considered an acceptable punishment for breaking the rules.

The eleventh one is in full force here. When you fail to bring back Apples, Team Skull (a group of arrogant Marty Stus/Karma Houdinis) suck up to your dictator and Chatot automatically praises them over you and induces guilty feelings in you even though you did nothing wrong.

The thirteenth one says, “You will spend inordinate amounts of time devoted to the group,” This one is true, also. You don’t go anywhere except in the Guild, and even then you barely get to go anywhere else.

The final one says, “You have to live only with the group members.” This is absolutely true. You live only with the Guild members, not with your own team mates. You can’t live with them. You can’t live anywhere else except in the guild. Never mind that your partner has a place you could live, somehow you have to stay with them.

Emotional leverage-twice, the Guild displays outright apathy for you. First, Chatot claims to disbelieve your story about the future, then turns around and says he believed you, only he didn’t want to tell you. WHAT? You accuse us of being liars, and then you turn it around and say you were testing us and you actually believed us? Why not come out and say it, you manipulative jerk?

Second, Chatot says he remembers the time you were attacked by Dusknoir. Let me say this: Dusknoir is some explorer guy who’s actually evil, but the characters are too stupid to notice this. You and your partner become “friends” with him easily and he realizes who you are in the plot. He returns to the future and everyone in town sees him leave, but before he does, he asks the two of you to come forward, grabs both of you and drags you into the portal, in front of everyone of the Guild and in town.

What does he say? He says, “When you fell into the portal.” What? What is wrong with YOU? We nearly got killed and you SAW the whole thing happen, yet you have the gall to say we fell? Oh, and why didn’t anyone bother to intervene? You know, you heroes who save people, why didn’t you do something? You stood by and watched.

Chatot didn’t care, you see. It was all just some game to him. He saw only what he wanted to see.

On an unrelated sidenote, Lapras (this guy/girl who transports you to this mystical place to save the world) mentions offhand that only you and your partner are allowed to access this mystical land, because only the “pure” people can go. This means…..your friends are somehow excluded…..what the hell do you mean by that? Are you trying to suggest that we’re better than they are?

Finally, on to the blatant racism of the Guild and the game itself…..you see, you complete a certain amount of missions and you’re allowed to recruit members/friends to help you out and help you complete missions.

Here’s the catch. The Guild doesn’t see them as members. They see them as subhuman, or lower-class. Remember the Jim Crow laws? The ones that dictated how African-Americans lived their lives? Those laws?

Well, though it’s hard to notice at first glance, there’s something similar to that at work here. First, you know where the members live? They live separately from you. They can’t live with you, even though they’re now part of the Guild. What is with that? That makes no sense….unless of course, they’re practicing some sort of prejudice…which they are.

Second, they barely speak….except for inane jibber-jabber and they have no brains of their own, except to constantly say how much they would do for you….they are simple-minded, apparently. Think of how much more they could do if they were given a voice. But they aren’t. They’re seen as stupid, voiceless. When you complete missions, they aren’t there to receive the credit they deserve.

My partners have saved my butt dozens of times….and yet they get no acknowledgement whatsoever. If my partner dies in a dungeon and I die, we get sent back and fail, and yet if a member dies, we don’t get sent back. How is that fair?

Third, the other alarming factor at stake here is that the Guild seems to encourage this sort of prejudice. When you do important missions or go on vacation, they can’t participate, even though they’re technically speaking, part of the Guild itself.

Here’s Chatot’s reasoning on how something this wrong can pass by, “You may not bring members of your team that are not part of the Guild.” What……again, WHAT? These guys become part of your guild the moment they join, thus you have no right to exclude them from things like this. Who do you think you are to have such unbridled arrogance?

Don’t you see? They’re treated like dirt, they have no development, no brains, no self-worth at all….plus, can you imagine how they feel to be treated so harshly? It’s horrible, having to have my “friends”-well, virtual ones get treated like they’re nothing.

Aside from the racism here, this game is twisted and messed-up on so many levels. Don’t try to get back at bullies, because you’ll just make an idiot of yourself. Don’t try to defy authority, because they’re always right…remember, you are better than your friends…..

Do you honestly want children to think this sort of thing is okay? In the first game, when we go hiding out, the first thought you have is about your friends. You want to warn them about what’s going on, so they can accompany you, but your partner says, “No, we can’t bring them. We shouldn’t tell them.”

Well, that’s cold. That really is cold. You’re going to run away like a bunch of chickens and all you can think about is yourself? You supposedly care about them, yet not enough to warn them? The whole town in the first game was a mob…..they honestly abandoned them, left them to be hurt or killed? You can’t expect me to believe they wouldn’t be found-for god’s sake, their homes were right near our place.

So, aside from the racism and the backwards morals, this game was okay. The future subplot has been done before (like in DBZ, Terminator, etc) and Grovyle seems like a ripoff of Future Trunks, but only a few of the subplots in this actually make up for the screwed-up ethics, the shameless racism and prejudice, and the mind control in this game.

Hey, kids, let’s call the next game the “Explorers of Mind-Control.” That oughta let the parents have fun. Feel free to leave comments and feedback. :D

Hello there, WordPress bloggers. I figured it was about time I did another blog. This one is a special one, since it’s being done about an anime I’ve loved for years. This series, along with Naruto and one other, got me back into manga. You know it’ll be the end of the world when you hear me say that liking anime is a bad thing. It isn’t, it’s great. You never know how much you can experience by watching anime and every day seems to have more meaning to you when you see what anime characters have given up, it inspires you to try and live a little more and try to live as awesome as they do, well maybe for a day or two, you can. :D

No, it’s not Naruto, it’s not Dragonball. Let’s see…..this anime centers around a young boy meeting a mysterious person who changes his life forever by giving him weird and mysterious powers he couldn’t control. But as a consequence, this also made the person who visited him lose HER powers as well, so in return, both of them had to learn to adjust to it. The boy had to learn how to be half-dead (sort of Danny Phantom-esque) and the girl had to deal with being human for a while. Sound familiar? Yu Yu Hakusho-esque?

Yup, I’m talking about Bleach. Bleach is by far one of the most interesting shows I’ve come across. Unfortunately, it runs into some of the same troubles that others have had: it got worse as it went on. How do I mean worse? I mean, the premise was very interesting, there was a lot of amusing banter between the characters, I love the way the characters got along with each other, especially the Ichigo and Rukia snarking. The SS (Soul Society) Arc was very good with all of the plot twists no one saw coming. But then after that, everything fell apart when they inserted a bunch of characters I didn’t like and dragged down the plot. After that, I really felt that Bleach started to suck, it was almost as bad as Dragonball GT. Which is sad because Bleach has a strong supporting and main cast….can you not say Ichigo is THE badass?

Like I said before, he reminds me of Yusuke from Yu Yu Hakusho or of Naruto, except for the fact that he has a ton of flaws that balance him out wonderfully, and Naruto does not. We come to Rukia Kuchiki. She is not human, she is a Soul Reaper, sent from the Soul Society to rid the world of demons known as Hollows who kill souls and living humans. Of course, these two wind up running into each other. She gives him her powers and the rest is anime history. Ichigo becomes a Soul Reaper, Shinigami, whatever (I grew up with the dub, so deal with it) Rukia has to deal with being a goddarned human and not knowing how to operate…drinks?

These two have interesting quirks, and they have an intriguing way of interacting. However, IchiRuki was by far one of the first pairings I started to ship. For those of you who don’t know what shipping means, it basically means you take characters such as Buffy and Spike or House and his girlfriend, whatever the hell her name was-her house that he smashed, and you pair it up. Even boy/boy, girl/girl ships, even though I don’t go for that, bleah.

But enough unrelated side dialogue. Now, let’s delve right into the universe of Bleach and why the Ichiruki pairing works the way it does. Let’s see…ah, here it is. Proofs for Ichiruki from the manga and anime

1. Their constant arguing. It’s similar to that of Shinichi and Ran from Detective Conan, Alice and Oz from Pandora Hearts, and Sasuke and Sakura from Naruto. There’s proof that couples who argue are closer together. Besides, I knew people who were like those two. We’d sit down at the lunch table in school one day, they’d be best friends and be all lovey-dovey with each other, and then the next they wouldn’t talk to each other for some stupid reason, and then they’d start yelling at each other, start getting mad, and then the next day they would tease each other and act like nothing really happened.

So, let’s look up an example of Ichi and Ruki arguing, (not that it’s HARD, since they always fight)

This is a good example of Ichiruki cause of how they act. This is exactly how they acted.

See, this is how they would be. Sweet and cuddly one moment, and then deadly enemies the next. Ichiruki fight in five…four, three, two, one…..*This whole fighting and arguing thing reminds me so much of my friends.*

2.From the beginning, Rukia seems drawn to Ichigo. Rather than erase his memories of her (besides the fact that he stole her powers and she had to stay by his side and teach him, ) she talks to him and he talks to her, too.

Remember the old stories where gods would be exiled from their realms because they happened to fall in love with or interact with a human? Well, doesn’t Bleach just remind you of that? It’s a tale as old as time itself; person from another world (Rukia, Soul Society) comes down from their plane of existence, meets a human (man or woman) and falls in love with them. This of course, was frowned upon. Sound familiar? In fact, the same can be said for Ichigo’s parents, Masaki and Isshin. Masaki was a Quincy, whereas Isshin was a Shinigami and they fell in love and got married.

3.Like in the very first episode where Rukia says it’s Ichigo’s fault the Hollows are attacking his family. Ichigo looks insulted and then Rukia immediately says it’s not what she meant shortly before she gets attacked by the Hollow. Ichigo gets pissed. Hmm….interesting.

4.Rukia nearly dying to save Ichigo in the first episode. Wow, that would be something I would expect to see in the middle of an anime or last. Usually, the Japanese put a lot of emphasis on sacrifice, so you can expect to see it in any anime. But to do it in the very first episode shows…..something….surprising. For her to nearly sacrifice…her, well, afterlife for the sake of a mere human who she happened to run into and describe everything to, not only mentioning the consequences of that action…..why bother saving the human when she could just erase his memory? What’s so special about Ichigo that Rukia just couldn’t bring herself to do it? So my reasoning is that she started to bond with him from the moment they met.

5.Their intro to each other, shortly before he gets her powers.

They both look into each other’s eyes, a typical romance thing, and then state their name. “Not Soul Reaper, I am Rukia Kuchiki.” He just smiles and says, “I’m Ichigo.”

6.When she goes to his school the next day, the things she says sound like she’s hitting on him.

From the manga: What’s on your mind, big boy? Such a secluded place. It almost sounds like she’s just seducing him. Ichigo’s reaction makes it even more hilarious.

7.Rukia’s smile when Ichigo agrees to help her.

8.The amount of time they spend with each other. Even their classmates think they’re an item.

When Ichi and Ruki hang out on the roof, Mizuiro says, “Together again. You two must be in love or something.” Ichigo says, “Whatever,” but his reaction to it is interesting. Rukia just looking clueless here….But they’re constantly spending time with each other, I understand they have to get along for the sake of humanity, but for two people who just met, they spend a lot of time together, if you know what I mean. It almost is like first love, and if their classmates, (who know Ichigo pretty well) think they’re dating, then they probably are. Even Tatsuki, Ichigo’s childhood friend, thinks they are.

9.Rukia in his closet.

Why does she need to be in his closet? Does anyone else get the feeling that she’s a pervert? I mean, of all things, living in his closet was pretty weird. Why does she want to be so close to him, hmmmm? Is she possibly showing an interest in him, already?

10.The Orihime-centric episode-the first episode I watched, BTW. On this particular occasion, Rukia explains to Ichigo that Hollows were once humans, but the curious thing is Rukia’s riding on Ichigo’s back and he’s letting her. Doesn’t this remind you of knights letting princesses ride on their horses in fairy tales? Doesn’t this seem rather gentlemanly of him to do and sort of out of character……Ichi normally ignores the girls, but unless he actually likes her, we have an answer. But he barely even knew this girl, and here he is already letting her ride him.

11.He shows more emotion around her than anyone else.

He smiles, and acts in a rather human way with Rukia. Not with Orihime, he’s just sort of…..expressionless.

12.Rukia healing Ichigo when he’s burning.

13.Convincing evidence for Ichiruki in the manga

Mizuiro starts to hit on Rukia. “Hey, you remember my name! I’m Mizuiro Kojima, and I’m 15 years old and my hobby is-” Suddenly, Ichigo intervenes, “Picking up chicks?”

Mizuiro says, “Whoa, not that, man!”

Ichigo, looking quite sour, points at Mizuiro and then says, “Watch out, Rukia, he may look like a dork, but he’s a real player.” Wow, somebody’s possessive of Rukia, wouldn’t you say? Again, it sounds like he’s saying, “Back off, Rukia belongs to me.” Mizuiro’s like, “Darn, he’s already taken her.”

14.Keigo thinks Ichigo snagged her.

15. Rukia smiling at Ichigo when she thinks he’s not looking. She has a bad habit of doing this, like she’ll be smiling these tiny, sneaky smiles, when she thinks it’s secret and he doesn’t notice. But it’s just at that moment where Rukia smiles the sly little smile. Where else is she smiling at him? Here she is, smiling again….and again.

16. The part where they split up and Ichigo warns her, “Please, don’t take any chances.” Double points for where he says, “You made Karin cry, you attacked a defenseless woman. You’re a four-star jerk.” He’s referring to Rukia like this? In other words, this implies he thinks highly of her.

17.This doesn’t matter, but he brings her breakfast.

18.In the Bleach book Souls, there’s a poster with Ichi and Ruki side by side, both looking somber. It says, “A Boy, a Soul Reaper. A Chance meeting. A story of fate begins.” Sound romantic? A chance meeting? That’s how some of the greatest love stories start out, like Romeo and Juliet, etc…..that’s how Suzaku and Euphie got started, and how Lelouch and Shirley met. Usually, that’s how most romances start out in fiction.

19.Taken from the book, it says Ichigo starts to trust Rukia on a deeper level, and Rukia avoids the subject of his mother, knowing it’s painful for him. Again, she has that smile on her face. What, trust Rukia on a deeper level? You mean they are more like partners, close friends, or is it implying something deeper, because they often get close to each other.

20.Rukia holding his head in her lap and wants him to not die. That was moving. It might’ve reminded her of Kaien….in that whole arc, Rukia was the only one besides Tatsuki to notice something off about Ichigo….note Orihime doesn’t know anything about him…..and doesn’t understand how he thinks or feels, instead she admires him for a lie. But Rukia understands Ichigo for who he is, she knows how he feels. That means he sees her as a close friend, which is unusual considering he doesn’t have many close friends. He has friends, but not close friends.

21. Rukia leaving Ichigo and how depressed she looks

There’s a point where Kon goes into Ichigo’s arms and Rukia says, “He’s gotten fond of you.” But she looks at him with this wistful smile on her face, and a person on Fanfiction.net says it almost feels like she was saying I’ve grown fond of you, too.” Love is on her mind when she’s running away.

22.Rukia’s note to Ichigo

She leaves a note for him to decode, which when translated, comes across as “I must go. Don’t look for me, and don’t worry about me. Burn this letter after you find it. If you can’t, stay hidden for a while.” In other words, she was sort of telling him that she doesn’t want him to get killed. She’s already imploring him to stay because she knows he won’t do that, he can’t live life without her.

23.Rukia crying to Ichigo

She pretends to hate him. The official book says Ichigo can tell her true feelings through her tears.

24.Where Rukia convinces old man Yama to leave Ichigo alone

25. Rukia calls him a fool and sees how strong he’s become.

26.The time where Ichigo is being dragged down by the Shiro thing, I don’t care if it’s a Hollow, it’s still an it to me, and Rukia arrives at the window and says, “I know you’re not the type to give up! That’s not the sort of man you are in my heart, Ichigo.” Umm….man in my heart? She kicks his ass into gear. But is that the sort of thing you say to your guy friend? It sounds more romantic than anything else. Man in my heart? You are to me-in other words, she believes in Ichigo and she knows it’s not like him to get down about something this trivial.

27.The scene where she’s drinking her chocolate milk and the girls ask if she likes Ichigo. Rukia’s reaction….this is a classic, people. She splashes her chocolate milk all over the place, wipes it off her face and then just sits there and says with this fake smile, “Ichigo and I are just friends.” Judging by the girl’s looks, they don’t believe her, and neither do I. If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t have reacted so strongly to that.

If she was only friends with him, she would have said, “Are you kidding? Ichigo and I are just friends,” She would say, without the shocked face, without the overly forced expression….the way she did that sounded not only like it was something surprising, it was also prying into something she didn’t want them to know. In reality, it’s the opposite.

28.Orihime herself.

While Ichigo is fighting Byakuya for Rukia’s sake, Orihime looks out at them and says to herself, “I wish I could be first in your heart, Kurosaki-san, like Kuchiki-san is.” Look, she just admitted it. It’s rare to find a rival like Orihime who respects Ichigo’s decision and knows not to butt in. On the other hand, Orihime and Uryu make a cute couple.

29. Ichigo’s despair when she’s hurt

30.Ichigo’s training. He goes to hell and back just to save her, he even becomes a Hollow. Her life means so much to him that he’s willing to give up everything to save her.

31.He’s also very listless when she’s gone and talks about how sad it is that no one else remembers her. You just see this sad look on his face, incredibly sad. Without her, he is lonely and depressed. In the movie Fade to Black, which is non-canon, all of the things both Ichi and Ruki see are of each other.

32.Rukia. Even without her memories, she’s curious about him.

33.”I’m not worth shedding blood over.”

34. The fact that they say their first names without a suffix. In American society, it’s ordinary for me to say, “Hey, Jack,” and he’d say, “Hey, Lacie.” Americans call each other by their first names….it’s odd for an american to say, “Vessalius-sama or Baskerville-sama.” But in Japan, it’s the opposite. Acquaintances and friends you’re not very close with, you say their first name with an honorific, and the same goes with the last name. So, how the hell do you tell family members of the same name apart if they were at a meeting? Mighty confusing.

Even in Tsubasa, you see them reluctant to call each other informally, because of how impolite it sounds. Here, even though it’s a standard here in America to call each other by our first name, it’s the opposite. You get to know someone and you call them by their last name until you’re sure that you’re either in private or else you’re sure that you’re close enough to them to call them by their first name with an honorific, like Shinichi-san.

Both in English and Japanese, they say their names without a suffix. In Magic Kaito, Aoko scolds Kaito for this misdeed, saying “You shouldn’t call me by my first name!” Kaito asks, “Why?” Aoko says, “You idiot, that will make people think we’re in love. In Japan, people who go around saying their first names without an honorific are either very close friends….or lovers….*cough Shinichi and Ran.*

But you know Shinichi and Ran are childhood friends. The fact that Ichigo and Rukia both don’t call each other by formalities, is unusual. As I wrote, “To drop suffixes so soon after meeting indicates strong feelings between the other two.”

Ichigo is the Sun, and Rukia is the moon. In other words, they refuse to live without each other. The last thought Rukia has before she is supposedly killed by the Moltres-expy. Why does Byakuya interfere, unless he thinks they’re lovers? (Big Brother Instinct, much?)

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